Beauty In Suffering: Separating Art From the Artist

Something I hear a lot of these days is people wanting to boycott music, films, and various other forms of art, based off the actions of the artists. 
While I totally understand this response; I mean, we don't want to feel like we're supporting these individuals negative behaviors, right?
But what if that's not right? What if we completely abhor their choices, and even them personally, but still appreciate, and maybe even love their art? 
This is a tricky time in society. The constant (and instant) influx of information, via the internet and social media has us knowing much more about each other than at any other time in history. Too much, in fact.
If you're a well known person, you have crews of people ready to tell us everything you do, everyone you see, and what color underwear (or lack thereof) you're wearing today. So with privacy essentially a thing of the past, it's not surprising that we're hearing more and more of peoples' dirty little secrets. 
Don't get me wrong... this is often a good thing. We're filtering out criminal behavior, making people more accountable for their actions, etc. 
But when it's artists, like musicians, actors, painters, and authors, we tend to criminalize everything associated with them as well. 
And I'm not so sure THAT is a good thing. 
When we stand in front of a work of art in a museum, appreciating each delicate brush stroke, are we thinking about the artist? Or what the art makes us feel? 
When we fall in love with a story, and where it takes us to in our minds, are we pondering what bad choices the author made in their life as well? 
I can't speak for everyone, but I'm not. 
I know little to nothing about my favorite painters, authors, actors and musicians. I don't care who they date, what they ate, or what shoes they wear. I simply appreciate their work, and their gift. 
We know that some of the greatest minds in art have been troubled souls. Most truly talented people carry great darkness inside of them.
When people pour their rawest selves into something, the results are often beautiful. There can indeed be great beauty in suffering.
Prisons house some of the most gifted artists, that the walls of The Louvre and the halls of Carnegie will never see. 

If J.D. Salinger were alive today, would we condemn him?

Almost certainly. But it's impossible to deny the incredible contribution he made to literature.








So can't we do the same for other artists? 
Can't we appreciate a movie, book, or album, simply for what it is as an art form? Can we accept that sometimes bad people make good things? 
I hope we can. Because I like to think that even the worst people have something good inside them, and they are put on this planet for a reason, and maybe that reason is to create something better than themselves. 
What do you think? 

What I've Learned From Having Rainbow Hair

I'm 39 years old, and I currently have green and purple hair.
Before that, I had aqua hair, purple and pink hair, and every shade of blue you can imagine.
Since I've been coloring my hair, I've been every color on the spectrum at least once. (Except platinum blonde.)
And I can tell you without question, that bold, bright colors are THE most fun.
Here are a few things that I've learned from having rainbow colored hair:

1. People love it.
Contrary to popular belief, the majority of people I encounter are big fans. And they will stop me everywhere to tell me how much they love it. And I mean literally EVERYWHERE.
I have been stopped in traffic, parking lots, grocery stores, restaurants, and bathrooms. I have even been complimented during a funeral. It's become a running joke between my husband and friends that it's nearly impossible to go anywhere without someone telling me how beautiful they think it is.
Which leads me to...
2. It's a fantastic ego boost.
Who doesn't like hearing a nice compliment? Especially on a difficult day. Something as simple as "Wow! Your hair is gorgeous!" can turn a shitty day around relatively quickly.
3. It's a conversation starter.
I have met tons of people because of my hair. Whether they're stopping me to compliment it, or ask questions about it, it almost always leads to a lovely conversation. This is a great way to kill time whilst waiting in line, by the way.
4. It's art.
It's eye catching, beautiful, and unique. Like a work of art that I get to walk around with. And I get to refer more people to the wonderful artists too, which is such a joy.
5. It feels good.
Do you have an item of clothing, or piece of jewelry that just makes you smile when you wear it?
It makes you feel good, and gives you an extra little boost of confidence and comfort. That's what my hair does for me. There's no such thing as a bad hair day with brightly colored hair. Even in a hat or messy bun, it still looks fantastic.
6. You have to own it.
The biggest thing I hear from people is "It's so natural on you." which sounds absurd when you're talking about blue, green, or purple hair. But it's true. If you're too self conscious, and constantly worried what other people might think, it shows. Bold hair color isn't for everyone, and if you're doing it for the wrong reasons... it's obvious to everyone.
7. It's a job for professionals.
Listen... I say this with your best interests in mind, because I have done the rainbow colors myself and I have had it done by professionals... DON'T DO IT YOURSELF.
Unless you are a trained stylist, with professional products. Because unlike with regular boxed colors, you will not get good results. For the majority of people, achieving bold colors requires lightening your natural hair color. This is best left to the people trained not to destroy your hair. I have been having mine done bold colors about once a month, for almost 5 years. My hair is silky, soft, and completely healthy. You will not get those results from a box kit at CVS. Find a reliable salon, and build up a relationship with your stylist. I promise you, it's worth it.
8. Maintenance is key.
Much like with any hair color, you will have to do a few things to maintain it, if you want it to last.
I average 6-8 weeks between salon visits.
I use a color safe shampoo and conditioner, and I only wash my hair 1-2 times a week. (It took me some time to work up to that. I used to wash daily, because I have very oily hair. Now, I can go 7 days, with a little dry shampoo every couple days, and my hair is WAY less oily than it used to be.)
I also wash and rinse in cold water. Not only does this help keep the color from washing out, it also makes my hair incredibly shiny. BONUS!

These are just a few of the things I've learned from having rainbow hair. I could probably go on and on, because I love it that much. But I will finish with this...

If you think bold colors are something you might want to try, just do it. If you're not ready for a full head of blues and pinks, start with a little color mixed in with you regular look. See how it makes you feel. If you don't like it, it's easy to change. But you won't know until you try.

(Just a few of the more recent colors I've been.)

Shoutout to Jody and Stacy at Fringe Salon in Lennon, MI for always making me look fabulous.

A Commercialized Christmas Story

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the land,
parents were stressed over children's demands.
The stockings weren't hung, for they were much much too heavy,
filled to the brim, with everything but a Chevy.
The kids were still up, playing Xbox and Wii,
amped up on sugar, junk food, and Pepsi.
The wife was in fits, and I was exhausted,
there was so much to wrap, was that a new faucet?
What is all this stuff? And why did we buy it?
Because the kids asked, so we HAD to supply it?
It seems so extreme, this mountain of toys.
Considering we only have two little boys.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but more bags of crap. How did this all get here?
My wallet was empty, my bank account dry.
I'd need to work overtime from now to July.
More rapid than eagles, my wife she did wrap.
Shouting out orders, and waking me with a slap.
"Hand me the scissors, give me that tape!"
"Where are the bows? Who did we buy a cape?"
This process went on for what felt like a year,
with piles of gifts, some stuck there, some stuck here.
We used all the paper, we ran out of tags,
there seemed no end to the boxes and bags.
And then on the news, we heard them announce,
a sale on ipads, my wife wanted to pounce.
I took a deep breath, and  said with a snap
"Enough is enough! They need no more crap!"
She looked somewhat stunned, her eyes had grown wide.
"But all the other kids have them." was her only reply.
It was then that I knew, we had lost all control.
We'd been sucked into the Christmas black hole.
I wanted to cry, I wanted to shout,
we'd forgotten what Christmas was really about.
So I made a decision, right there on the spot
to make a big change, if it killed us or not.
I went to my kids, and turned off their game.
I needed to share this before Santa came.
So I told them a story, of a woman named Mary,
and a sweet little baby, that she was to carry.
Their eyes filled with wonder, as I recited the fable,
of the birth of a savior in a humble horse stable.
I spoke of the Wise Men, and the gifts they did bring
and the meaning behind the songs we all sing.
They listened intently, they seemed so impressed,
I'd nearly forgotten all of my stress.
As I tucked in my children, and whispered good night,
I said to my wife "We must make this right."
She nodded agreement, and we knew what to do.
We sorted the gifts, and kept just a few.
I loaded the rest, they nearly filled up the car.
I headed off, guided by the North Star.
I said a prayer, that it wasn't too late,
and hoped that I'd make it in time to donate.
When I dropped off the gifts, to the shelters and poor,
I felt like Saint Nick, bringing joy to their door.
As I drove home that night, 'neath the fresh falling snow,
I could swear that I heard a soft "Ho, ho, ho."
When I pulled in the drive, and started to park,
I saw the flash of a sleigh, taking off in the dark.
My heart filled with warmth, the tears started to pour,
The magic of Christmas had now been restored.
For the first time in years, I laid down with a grin,
I kissed my dear wife, and snuggled right in.
We had done the right thing, of that we've no doubt,
for kindness and love are what it's really about.

The End.
By: Teena M. Hauxwell-Finn (Original written December 13, 2013, Edited/revised December 17, 2015)

In Response To: The Broadly Meets video titled 'Meet One of America's Only Female Rally Race Drivers'

Over the weekend, whilst at a rally race, I was shown a video that annoyed me so much, I felt compelled to blog a personal response to it. The video was posted by Broadly, and is titled "Meet One of America's Only Female Rally Race Drivers". 
Before I begin my rant, let me link the video, so you can judge for yourselves. 

Here is the Broadly video.

The video is about Verena Mei, who is a model, actress, and race car driver. Before I go any further, let me point out that I respect Miss Mei's accomplishments as a driver. This post is in no way a personal attack on her, nor do I wish to take away from what she has achieved. 
My only response to her personally, would be to think a bit longer and harder about what media outlets she chooses to work with. I would also strongly suggest she make a public statement apologizing for the complete lack of research and the misinformation in this video. 

Now.... I have to say that my initial reaction upon watching this was absolute and utter disgust. And while that may seem strong, let me preface that by saying that I am not a fan of women who wish to gain attention for themselves simply for being a woman. If you ever want genuine equality, you must begin by allowing your actions and accomplishments to speak for themselves. If you are skilled at whatever you do, your sex should have absolutely nothing to do with it. If you allow yourself to be recognized merely for having a vagina, you are doing a disservice to females everywhere. 
In the video, she points out that auto racing is one of the very few sports that allows women to compete head to head with men. This is true. And that is why I loathe seeing the word "female" in front of driver. When interviewing a man, no one says "Introducing male rally driver David Higgins." Because his sex is irrelevant. Unless you plan to ask him something regarding his penis, it's unnecessary information. 
I love rally. And one of the things I love most about it, is that it genuinely doesn't matter what sex you are, how old you are, how fat or skinny you are, or how much money you make. Rally accepts everyone. If you can build a car, pay the entry fee, and fit in the seat, you can race. And if you can't drive, you can volunteer, crew, or codrive. There is no advantage or disadvantage to being a woman. (Aside from how quickly & easily you can urinate from a one piece fire suit that is.) I believe this is a big reason so many women are drawn to the sport to begin with. Which leads me to my next, and possibly biggest point.... 

"One of America's Only Female Rally Race Drivers"

Ummm.... WUT?! 

Without even trying, I can name at least ten or more current American female rally drivers. Give me a minute, and I can probably increase that number exponentially. As a matter of fact, when I watched this video, I was at a rally event, crewing for, wait for it.... A FEMALE RALLY DRIVER! (Let me give you a second to allow the shock and awe to pass.) Believe it or not, there were at least three female rally drivers at the event. And shockingly enough, none of them were Verena Mei. 
In the video, Verena says that she wishes there had been other female rally drivers when she started. Well, I hate to break this to you, honey, but there were. And if you were looking for some hardcore rally inspiration, might I suggest, oh I don't know.... the legendary Michele Mouton. She competed (and kicked ass) from 1974 to 1986, decades prior to Miss Mei becoming a driver. And there have been, and still are, countless other ladies competing since. 
If the point of this video was to be informative and encouraging to other women looking to participate in rally, it failed miserably. 
By choosing to disregard the plethora of other women in the sport, and focus on only one, who isn't even a current competitor (Verena Mei competed as a driver in 2012 and 2013. To the best of my knowledge, and based off my research, she has not driven in a rally event since.) you did yourself and the sport a great disservice. 
I myself, am proud to know many talented rally drivers, several of whom happen to be women. Maybe I need to introduce them to Verena and Broadly.... 

The team I was crewing for this past weekend, and some of the OTHER ladies of rally.
Driver: Tracey Gardiner, and codriver: Tracy Manspeaker.

Dear Friends and Loved Ones....

It happened again today. It happens often, as a matter of fact. I said my son's name and was greeted with the awkwardness that has become very familiar to me. 

We lost our son in August of 2012, and since then, I have discovered that very few people know how to deal with our Grief. In the early days, they send cards, attend the service, maybe even bring food. As time goes on, the calls to check in stop, and inevitably, people move on. I get that, I'm fine with that. The part that I'm not so fine with is the lack of understanding on how to deal with parents of child loss as they continue their journey of Grief. Unfortunately, that's not their fault, since there is little out there by way of education on this subject. Friends and family have no idea how to help us, and sadly, we aren't in a place to tell them what we need for a long time, if ever, because we don't know what we need. We know what we want. We want our child back. So how can our loved ones help us deal with the fact that that isn't going to happen? 

How can they comfort us through not just the early days, but for the eternity that lies ahead without our child? 

First and foremost, you need to understand that losing a child is like no other form of Grief. It isn't like losing a parent, a sibling, a friend, or a pet. And yes, I've had people compare it to all of the above. For us, we lost our only child. In one instant, we lost everything. There are no more family photos, no weddings or grandchildren to look forward to. We will have no one to sit with us when we are old, and no one to pass on cherished heirlooms and memories to. We look around our home at the photos of our smiling son, and think about what will happen when we are gone. We wonder who will carry on our legacy, and who will make sure our child isn't forgotten. 

That is one of the hardest parts of losing a child. You worry constantly that everyone but you has forgotten your amazing child. This life that was so celebrated at birth, and through milestone after milestone... but there are no more celebrations now. No more milestones. Only memories. 

At the beginning of this post, I said that awkwardness has become familiar to me. Let me explain...

We lost our son when he was 18. We watched him grow from a helpless child, into a capable young man. We have stories and memories we enjoy sharing, just like any parents. But something happens after you lose a child. Suddenly people don't know how to talk about them. Are afraid or uncomfortable saying or hearing their name. Picture this: You're sitting in a group of your friends. Everyone is laughing and sharing funny stories of their children learning to ride a bike or tie their shoes. So, like any parent, you join in. You share a favorite memory of your child to a group of people you know and trust, and you are greeted with silence, or an immediate change of subject. The people around you no longer make eye contact, some even get up and walk away. 

Sounds unpleasant, right? Well it happens A LOT. And I would consider that experience one of the better ones. 

Since losing Zachary, I have parted ways with many loved ones. They just couldn't deal with it. Being around me was apparently too hard for them. I've also been left out of MANY family gatherings, and had a surprising number of invitations get "lost in the mail". I get it. It's weird. You don't know what to say, or IF you should say anything. You really just want things to go back to how they were before.
Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but once you've lost a child, you NEVER go back to the person you were before. When you've held your child's hand and watched them take their final breath... you're never the same again. No matter how much those around you might wish you would be. 

Also, we're going to talk about our child. Just as you talk about yours. We're going to share stories, and maybe even get emotional from time to time. I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but it's not exactly a tea party for me either. And for those of you who are worried about mentioning our son's name, because you don't want to "remind us" of our loss.... Did you think we had forgotten? Because, trust me when I say this, we haven't. There isn't a minute that goes by in any day that we aren't thinking about and missing our son. One of the few things that actually gives us comfort is knowing that you remember him too. We're never going to get to make new memories with him, but when you share your stories and memories, it's almost like we're getting to. Do you have any idea how big of a gift that is to us? Sure, we're probably going to cry, but those aren't tears of sadness. Not entirely anyway. They're tears of gratitude to you, for reminding us that you haven't forgotten our child. That you think of him too.
So please don't feel awkward. Don't walk away when we share. Don't leave us out of special events and celebrations. Laugh with us, cry with us, share with us. Don't make us feel guilty or shameful for doing what any loving parent does. And if you aren't sure what to say... ASK. It's ok. Our loss isn't a secret. We don't hide it. If you want to know about our son, we'll be more than happy to tell you about him. 

Zach with his first car. 

A Closed Minded, Self Absorbed World

Me! Me! Me! Temper tantrums, foot stomping, selfish mentalities seem to rule this world we live in. We are all so utterly self absorbed, that we often find it nearly impossible to see anyone else's point of view. 
We've all but forgotten the Golden Rule that we were taught in grade school. The simple, yet elegant "Treat others as you wish to be treated." seems to be exceptionally complicated in this day and age. With the advent of social media, our thoughts and opinions on just about everything have become public. This means that instead of getting to know one another a bit before discovering our differences, we now can choose new friends based solely off of shared perspectives on hot button topics. This means we utterly surround ourselves with people who think just like we do. So when someone else shares a difference of opinion, it's like our entire world is ending. We have no idea how to deal with it. We revert to our inner toddlers and throw a hissy fit and storm off. "You're mean! I don't like you!" 
No mature discussions, no compromising, and certainly no listening to logic. We're right and they're wrong. Period. End of story. 
As children, we are taught that differences are what make us unique. Those characteristics that separate us from the flock, and make us stand out are good things. Who wants to be just like everyone else? I recall a saying that went something like "You can't have a beautiful melody if everyone is singing the same note." and even as a child, I understood the truth in that. 
When we seek out partners, we tend to follow the 'opposites attract' mentality. Why? Because it challenges us to think, and to step outside of our comfort zones. It's exciting and mind opening. We learn new things, and we find parts of ourselves that we might never have known existed. That's how we grow. 
So why is it that we can't channel this attitude into the rest of our lives? Why must we hate all things different and new to us? 
We're so quick to say things like "Well, it's just not normal." but why? Who defines normality? If you prefer mayo over mustard that's not normal to me, but I would never suggest you change your ways to make me happy. 
The notion that the whole world should think the way you do is ludicrous at best. And dangerous at its worst. You know who though that way? Hitler. 
But here's the tricky part... No one is saying that you have to like everything or everyone. Agreeing is not the same as accepting. If your friend thinks blue is the best color ever, and you think yellow is, do you now hate them? No. You don't agree, but you accept their difference and move on. Why? Because it has zero effect on your life. 
The same principles apply to religion, race, politics, sexual orientation, and more. The way one person (or a group of people) choose to live their life has no consequences on the way you live yours. Here's an example:
If the idea of same sex marriage bothers you, think of it like a sports team that you're not a fan of. Don't buy the t-shirt, and feel free to root for the other team. But don't waste your energy trying to convince the world that your favorite team is the only one that should be allowed to play. In the sport of love, we're all in it for the same reasons. Regardless of what team we're playing (or rooting) for. 
The more we refuse to open our minds to differences, the more we are closing ourselves off to happiness. If you spend all your time pointing fingers and hating everyone, you have no time left for the things that bring you joy and peace. 
A closed minded, self absorbed world isn't one that anyone wants to live in...
Remember the Golden Rule. Practice it. 

I'm Not Just A Passenger

My husband and I participate in the motorsport of rally. If you've ever tried having a conversation with someone unfamiliar with rally, it's difficult to get them to understand what it is that we do. But the one thing everyone gets is that my husband is a driver. But no one seems to comprehend what my purpose is. They all mistakenly think I am just along for the ride. Sitting casually in the right seat, just there for fun. So let me clear the air. I'll begin by explaining the sport a bit... 
Rally is a form of racing that occurs on closed roads, most often out in the middle of nowhere. These roads are generally ORV trails, logging routes, two tracks, or other gravel paths, not especially used for motor vehicles. (There are also tarmac rallies, which occur on paved roads, but we only had one of those here in America, and as of this year, that one is gone.) 
In each rally, there are multiple stages, with transits in between. These stages are X number of miles long, with various obstacles along the way. Think trees, boulders, water crossings, jumps, cliffs, and anything else Mother Nature feels like adding. We race in all weather conditions. Rain, snow, ice, etc. At the start of each stage, the cars line up and are released on one minute intervals. This interval ideally keeps the cars out of each others way, but it is very common to catch and pass other cars on stage. 
The point is to finish each stage with the fastest time, and without penalties. At the start and finish of each stage, there are Time Controls. You must arrive to each arrival control on your exact minute. Not early, and not late. If you are not on your minute, you get a penalty, which results in a deduction of time. 
Those penalties can cost you the race, regardless of how fast you were, so it's crucial to be on the ball. 
Penalties can also be given for speeding on transits, negative behaviors from you or any member of your team/crew, and pretty much anything else the officials don't approve of. 
Rally is a dangerous sport, and safety is something that is taken very seriously. From protective gear, to required equipment in the car. 
Our cars are fitted with pretty extreme roll cages, race seats, 5 point harnesses, etc. Each driver and codriver are required to wear helmets, HANS devices, and fire suits. Cars are stocked with fire extinguishers and first aid kits as well, because during a rally, you are the first responders. This means that if you come across a car off during a hot stage, you are required to stop and administer first aid, and begin the process of getting medical help to the people in that car. 
Ok, so now that you have an idea of how the sport works, let me get to the point of this article. As I said in the beginning, my husband is the driver. He does the driving. That makes sense, right? So what is my job? I'm the codriver, also known as the navigator. In rally, there are always two people in the car. The codriver/navigator's job is very different from the driver's.
Our job begins days or weeks prior to the event. From researching the race (watching videos, studying old notes, etc.) to securing lodging, making schedules, coordinating the team/crew, and making sure that all the required paperwork is ready to go, and more. Once we arrive to the event, we are given two books. A Road Book, and a Stage Notes book. Upon receiving these, we immediately get to work. 

Now each codriver has their own system for prepping their books. I like to tab each stage with a color, and coordinate that color and number to the transit for the stage in the Road Book. I also pour over every page, looking for things that I think needs highlighted. (Cautions, hairpin turns, questionable crossings, etc.) It sounds silly, but when you are dealing with time, every second counts, so you need to be able to access the information as quickly and easily as possible. 
Now, each of these two books is written in its own language of sorts. Road Books are done in Tulips. They look like this:

These tell you how to get from stage to stage, from stages to services, etc. Your job as a codriver is to make sure that your driver gets to where your car needs to be at the exact right minute. (Remember, no penalties.) As soon as you cross the finish line of a stage, you have to complete a time card, and then grab this book and get where you're going. There's very little downtime.
Once you arrive to your stage (hopefully on time) the codriver gets out the Stage Notes book. These are written in Jemba note form. That looks like this:

All of the information you should need to know when running each stage is in these notes. From when to turn, how sharp the turn, to crests, jumps, possible obstacles, and more. The codriver's job is to read these notes to the driver while racing, so that they can drive the road, even when they can't see it. When you're going 100 mph through the woods, a misread note could mean you drive off a cliff or into a tree. Drivers and their codrivers share an immense bond of trust in one another, and their abilities to do their jobs well. Each position is crucial to your success in rally. 
Before we ran our first event, I thought I had an idea of what being a codriver consisted of. But I was definitely not prepared for the amount of time, energy, and pressure that go into doing it. I'm still in the very early stages of learning how to do this job and do it well, but I have mad respect for the seasoned veterans of the right seat, and how easy they make it look.
As codrivers, we know that the drivers get all the glory, and we're just fine with that. In fact, most of us believe they deserve it.  But the next time you think that codrivers are just "along for the ride".... please think again. 



***If you're interested in following our rally adventures, please check out our Facebook page Team Finn.
And follow us on Twitter @TeenaMarieFinn and @SubieDan and Instagram @Team_Finn_Rally 
As always, "Have Fun and Try Not to Suck" --Team Finn