Emotional Hangovers

Well... we survived our second Easter without Zach. It's still so hard to believe that it's been almost two years without him. Sometimes it feels like it's been forever, and yet other times, I feel as if it's been merely moments. The wound is just as fresh, I'm just better at keeping it covered up.
But holidays are hard. Oh... so... hard...
The mask that I wear to get through regular days just isn't strong enough to survive special days. So I work extra hard to keep from showing my anguish. I put on my best smile, distract myself as best I can, and push through. But it's far from easy. Holidays are for family. Spend a few minutes on social media, and you'll see family photo after family photo. Happy, smiling faces. Parents and grandparents with their children and grandchildren. Mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, all together, celebrating and making memories.
We won't make any new memories with our son. We wont ever hold grandchildren, and hide candy filled eggs for them. We'll never again shop for baskets and chocolate bunnies, and shake our heads as we clean up plastic grass and candy wrappers from the carpet.
We'll grow old, and we'll watch all the families around us grow and change, but ours never will. There will never be a new addition to our family photos.
Holidays are just extreme reminders of what we've lost. They take the daily struggle, and amp it up. And it's exhausting....
I'm emotionally drained today. I woke up more tired than I fell asleep. The lingering effects of holidays & special events are like emotional hangovers. I feel sick, achy, and utterly spent. My emotions are so strung out, I am basically a zombie. People don't realize how much work it is to just be normal sometimes. To laugh and smile when you really want to scream and cry. To do regular, everyday activities when you'd rather crawl into a hole and do nothing. To pretend you are fine, when you are anything but.
I'm glad Easter is over. But there is another holiday or special event just around the corner. There will always be days that are more difficult and more painful than others. And those days will certainly be followed by emotional hangovers. There is no cure, no special elixir that makes it more bearable. This is just another part of life for grieving parents. Another part of this "new normal" that is our path now...