The Blame Game

Let me start by saying that the horrible and unimaginable event that took place in Newton, CT is a human tragedy, plain and simple. The lives of countless people have been forever changed. As a parent who has very recently lost my only child, my heart aches for those who went home with empty arms and empty souls. There is NO loss like that of a child. There is no pain more intense and unending. If I could reach out and hold each of them, I would. But since there are no words that can ease the pain they feel, I will merely say that I am keeping them in my thoughts and sending them my love.

That being said, I just cannot sit idly by any longer and read post after post, and tweet after endless tweet where people are laying blame and pointing fingers. 
This is not a political issue. The political party that the man (I refuse to give him any notoriety by using his name.) who did this affiliates with is not responsible for his actions. Heinous crimes are committed every day by people from every class, creed, sex and political affiliation. So let's move on.
This is also not a gun issue. Whether you are pro or anti gun, there is an argument to be made either way. To those who think more guns are the answer, to that I say this: Where does it end? If teachers need guns, then what happens when a teacher freaks out and shoots their students? Do we then give all students guns to protect themselves as well? What happened in CT was in an elementary school. The majority of victims were under 8 years old. That is an illogical and irrational attitude. I for one do not want to live in a world where teachers need to carry arms. I cannot help but picture war torn countries and terrified children, and this is not what I want for my America. So you probably think this means that I want no guns. In an ideal world, we would never need guns. This is not an ideal world. Guns are a very real part of our existence. The idea that we can ever live in a world without them is idiotic. I grew up in a family of hunters, and my husband is a registered hand gun owner. Do we need it? No. Has he ever used it? No. It was passed on from his grandfather, and it is locked safely away where it will probably remain until he decides to get rid of it. I am not pro or anti gun. I can see both sides of the picture. But let's be real honest here. Guns were invented to kill. Plain and simple. So we should not be surprised when they do. I am 100% for better and more strict gun laws across the board. Though they will not keep all of the guns out of the hands of people who intend to use them for harm, they MAY keep some out, and if that means saving just one innocent life, then how could I NOT support it. But banning all guns is not a realistic attitude in this day and age. Period. Do I think your Joe Average needs a military grade, assault rifle? Not in the least. But that is a subject for another time. The bottom line is that a gun did not walk into that school and kill those people. A human being did. And as we all know, it doesn't require a gun to kill people. Bombs, knives and various tools have been used throughout history to do just that. So let's not make this a discussion about gun control, because that is another topic altogether. 
I would also like to point out that this is not a religious issue either. Whether you believe God belongs in schools or not, it is NOT the reason this twisted individual did what he did. Period. GOD can never be banned from schools. If you believe that God is a part of you, and that he is with you always, at all times, than he can never be banned from anything. If you think your children need more God, feel free to send them to a religious school, or attend regular church. That is the beauty of living in a free society. You have the RIGHT to practice any religion you choose. As does everyone else. Prayer was banned from schools in America in the early 60's. I personally grew up in the public school system, religion free. As did nearly everyone I know. I have never, ever even considered committing such an unbelievable act. Have you? Probably not. Is this because you were or weren't allowed to pray in school? Doubtful. It's more likely that you grew up in a home where you were taught right from wrong. You were taught that there are consequences to your actions. And you had the love and support of a good family. The world is indeed changing, and not entirely for the better. Speaking only for myself, I do not practice any religion. Nor does my husband. So obviously my son did not either. Yet somehow, he still managed to grow into a kind, loving, respectful and generous person. God had nothing to do with it. 
And God had nothing to do with the actions of the sick and twisted individual who, of his own free will, shot his sleeping mother in the face and then walked into an elementary school and killed 26 innocent people. 
It is high time that we start placing blame where it belongs. On the individual responsible. A lack of responsibility for our own actions is the biggest issue facing us in the world today. We want to point fingers and make excuses. Well, I find that disgusting. If you get drunk, get behind the wheel and kill 3 people, it is NOT the alcohol or the car's fault. It is yours. If you smoke two packs a day, and get cancer, it is not the cigarette's fault. It is yours. Start owning up people. You have free will, and you make your own choices. It is time to start accepting the consequences for those choices. There is only one person responsible for what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary School. All the finger pointing and blaming and excuse making in the world will not change that fact. 
I know that in times like this we want answers. We need to know why. But does it really matter? Would knowing why bring those lives back? Is there ANY reason or explanation that would be good enough? The answer is no. 
So maybe instead of looking for answers to unanswerable questions, let's instead focus on things we can control. Look around you. Take a good hard look at the people you know. Start making honest assessments and paying attention. Someone doesn't generally become a mass murderer overnight. If you see a child, or an adult that seems to fit a certain profile, reach out and do something. Parents, PLEASE start being proactive. Wouldn't you rather be the parent of a child in therapy than the parent of a murderer? Mental illness is a very real thing, and it can be helped. Do your research. Ask questions. Be involved. At every stage of your children's lives. There is no shame in asking for help. Let's take all this energy expelled at pointing fingers and making excuses, and use it towards preventing another heartbreaking tragedy. No matter what your personal beliefs, I'm certain we can all agree on one thing. It is a heart wrenching blow to our human spirit that we will never forget. 

What is the World Coming To?

I remember growing up and hearing my parents and grandparents say that the world was "Going to Hell in a handbasket." Well... I still have no idea what a handbasket is (Do you collect hands in it?) but I have to agree with the going to Hell part. With all the amazing advancements in technology and medical procedures, I am grateful to be a part of this day and age, but that doesn't mean I don't miss the simple ways of the past. Even for me, a mere 32 years old (Yes, I said mere.) I can see the changes, and they aren't all for the best. With the new technology, we are forgetting the basics. When was the last time you received a hand written note? Seriously, take a moment and think about it... It's probably been awhile, right? Invitations are now via email or facebook, Birthday messages are by text or voicemail and I can't remember the last thank you note I received. I'm not even sure kids are taught handwriting in school anymore. If they are, they are doing a terrible job at it, because this younger generation has the handwriting skills of a drunk doctor having a seizure. It's pathetic. We use technology so much that we rarely use our actual brains anymore. Now don't get me wrong, I rely on a calculator to do my math for me, but I could still use my fingers (and toes) if I had to.
And don't even get me started on reading and grammar skills. "b rt thr" is NOT a complete sentence. And what's with all the acronyms? I get it, they're faster to type, but now we use them whilst speaking?? I mean, WTF? I'm not even sure kids these days know what a book is. I don't mean a Kindle, I mean a real life, paper paged, actual book. No one even reads them anymore. Now they read the shortcuts or skim the electronic version. OR, they just Google it and find out someone else's opinion and claim it as their own. And coming from someone who had to suffer through "the classics" in school, I find this highly offensive. Would I have preferred to shortcut through them? Sure. But I am glad that I didn't have that opportunity, because now, as an adult, I not only have excellent reading and comprehension skills, but I can quote lines from literature and it makes me sound smart. (Not that I am stupid, mind you.)
But I digress... These are just a few of the basic skills that the younger generations have lost. There are SO many more. Dressing oneself, for instance. Now, I am all for expressing your own style, but there is a time and place for it. Weddings, funerals, work, etc. are all NOT the place. It's called tact. You dress (and act) in an appropriate manner for certain occasions. If you want to look like a homeless hooker, that is your right, but the rest of us have a right not to see it. And parents, seriously? It is OK to tell your children no from time to time. Like when your 11 year old wants a spray tan, or to dye her hair for example. It is a parent's job to teach your children what is appropriate. You aren't "Stifling their creativity" or anything by telling them that their underwear shouldn't be hanging out of their pants. Give them a belt and an art set and let them express themselves in better ways. We as a society have gotten so soft that we are afraid to upset anyone, including our own children. Well it's high time we got over that. Disappointment is a part of life. People will tell you no and mean it. You will NOT be good at everything you try. You will not always be accepted by everyone. People can be cruel. Learn to deal with it. You know why it's good to learn these lessons? Because they help us grow and learn. If you try something and fail at it, that's ok. Try something else. Eventually you will find your niche. People will be mean to you. It's not the end of the world. Those people will wash your car someday. Suck it up, toughen up and move on. Find people who are kind and treat you right and cherish them. If you never learn these lessons, then you will never become strong, independent, motivated and empathetic adults. Life is not all sunshine and roses and the sooner you learn to accept that, the better off you will be in the long run. Childhood is merely a stepping stone in life, so unless you want your 45 year old child living in your basement, playing video games and "expressing themself" forever, start being more realistic as a parent. I'm not saying you should be abusive or brutally honest, but you can tell your child no and that it's ok not to be perfect. Will they be mad? Probably. But being a parent is a hard job, and like life, it isn't all sunshine and roses. But someday, when they are happy, well adjusted, successful adults, they will thank you. Or at the very least, live in their own homes and do their own laundry.
I guess the point I am trying to make here is this: Life doesn't have to go to Hell in a handbasket. We can raise a generation to be proud of. We can BE a generation to be proud of. If we just started living simpler, working harder, being more understanding and using our God given brains, we could do even more amazing things.