1. Common courtesy. Where oh where have good manners gone?! When did it become popular practice to be rude? These days, the simple act of holding a door for someone is like spotting a unicorn fart. Rare and almost unseen. And what about minding our Ps & Qs? (I still don't know what that stands for, but I know what it means.) Please, thank you, you're welcome, etc. are still magic words. And as much as I loathe being called Ma'am, I fully appreciate the respect behind it. (But, for the record, I prefer Miss, Sugar, Darlin', Young Lady... you get the point.) Common decency is becoming a thing of the past, and I'm not ok with that. Women, if you want to be treated like a lady, start acting like one. Men, if you want a real lady, be a real gentleman. It's just not that hard. Hold doors, be kind to others, give up your seat for someone elderly or pregnant, offer a stranger a hand, and just stop being such an a-hole. Please and thank you.
2. Children. Seriously, parents... what the hell is going on? Do you really think it's a good idea to take your toddler to an R rated film? If I wanted to hear constant screaming through my movie, I would have went to see a slasher flick. And I have no issues with children in restaurants, as long as they stay at their own table. I get it, kids will cry, they'll be loud, and sometimes, they might even throw a fork. But strap them in, and keep that to your own area. Little Annie might be adorable, but I don't want her sticky fingers in my hair, or my soup. This isn't your home, so you need to be respectful of others, and at least attempt to keep your spawn in check. If you don't want to do that, stay home.
3. Old folks. I'm getting sick and tired of rude, pushy, and entitled old people. You are not exempt from simple courtesies just because you survived 60+ years on this Earth. We don't owe you any favors. IF we choose to offer them, be appreciative. Senior discounts are a privilege, not a right. You don't get to demand a store give you something for nothing. Also, if you cannot drive the posted speed limit, see over the wheel, park, or handle your vehicle, give up your license. I understand that this is difficult, but your selfish need for independence is endangering others, and that is not acceptable. If your loved ones, and the government don't have the balls to tell you as much, I will.
4. Public fighting. I have two words for people who do this. Grow. Up. Is this the playground? Should the rest of us circle around you shouting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" and pumping our fists? Unless you are defending yourself against an assailant, there is no excuse for this. And this applies to immature couples who want to have dramatic and public arguments, as well. Take your trash home. The rest of us have no desire to witness your ignorance.
5. Tipping. Let me just go out on a limb here and suggest we make this mandatory, instead of optional. If you can't afford to tip your wait staff, then stay home and eat. That waiter/waitress has probably worked longer and harder than you, has dealt with rude, demanding, and stupid customers, and is making squat. They survive on tips. If you have a genuine complaint about your service (and it is the waiter's fault) ask to speak with a manager, and let them know. But don't under tip a waitress because the cook put too much salt on your fries, or because a spoon wasn't clean enough. They have no control over that, and there is only so much they can do. Be generous with the tips. Especially if you have a large group, fussy family members, and around the holidays.
6. Following along that theme, stop being rude to service people. Waiters, clerks, janitors, etc. all work just as hard as you do, and deserve just as much respect. Be polite, use manners, and have some patience. They are only trying to do their job, and it is not their fault that you can't find your credit card, are running late, or that your child is hungry. If you don't like something about a store, send them an email, or fill out a comment card. But don't take it out on the person behind the register. They don't make the rules, and most likely don't have the power to change them.
7. Cell phones. Unless you are stuck in the toilet, or are suffering from a medical emergency, you have no business being on a phone in a public restroom. First of all, it's just gross. Are you tweeting about your bowel movement? And secondly, IT'S JUST GROSS! I think Aunt Betty will understand if you have to call her back. While I'm on the subject, just because your phone is mobile, doesn't mean you need to actually be on it EVERYWHERE. I don't want to hear about your daughter's rash, or your son's vomiting while I eat. I also don't want to hear you argue with your boss or husband while I'm buying groceries. And if you want the cashier to take your savings card, get off the phone and have it ready for them. Having the ability to communicate with anyone at anytime is great, but get it under control.
8. Drinking. Now, I'm Irish and Scottish, so me likey my alcohol. But I also know how much is too much, and when to say when. Nothing is more irritating than obnoxious drunk people. Especially when those people are grown ass adults. If you can't go to a restaurant, party, wedding, or social gathering without getting shit faced, you are an idiot. Have a few drinks. Have more than a few drinks, even, but know your limits. If you can't control your feet, your mouth, or your bodily functions, you've had too much. I enjoy a good time as much as the next gal, but I also like to remember it.
9. Socially selfish. You know the types. They leave their car parked in front of a handicap ramp, so they don't have to get their fancy shoes wet on a rainy day. They hold up a line because they couldn't get off the phone and get their checkbook out and ready. They block the entire aisle at the store with their cart, and when you say "Excuse me." to get around it, they look at you like YOU'RE the rude one. This blatant unawareness, and ME, ME, ME mentality is disgusting. Pay attention to your surroundings, and think about how your actions might affect others, and quit being so self absorbed.
10. PDA. I'm probably going to get a lot of shit for this one, but this drives me nuts. Holding hands, hugging, even light kissing, is fine. I am even guilty of it. But the couples who want to dry hump each other in a theatre, booth, or middle of the mall... come on. You are obviously desperate for attention, or trying to prove something to someone. This isn't seven minutes in Heaven, or whatever the kids are playing these days, so keep your groping to a minimum. Or to quote every 10 year old... "Get a room!"
Well... that concludes today's unsolicited advice. Stay tuned for Part 3.
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