Hi, my name is Teena, and I like to share my opinions with others. Some people require buckets of alcohol to be filter-less, but not me. I'm just naturally outspoken. It's a gift, really. On my resume, brutal honesty should be listed as a skill. It's not, but I'm considering adding it. But I digress....
Surprisingly enough, for as often as I don't keep my trap shut, I really do bite my tongue A LOT. It's true. Why do I do this? Well for starters, there really is a time and place, and though I may not be known for it, I do actually have tact. So sometimes, I just smile and grit my teeth. All the while secretly hoping that someone else is less tactful. Or drunk. But then it dawned on me.... I HAVE A BLOG. So while I may be expected to occasionally zip my lips, I can always write whatever the hell I want. So today, my friends, I am going to get some things off my chest that I would normally keep to myself. Because, well... I can.
Today, I'd like to start with fashion. Now, let it be known, that I am no expert in this field. I wear what I like, and what is comfortable. That being said, there are some basic dos and don'ts. Here are a few:
1. Don't wear Crocs. I mean seriously... are you avidly avoiding sex? Did you just come from cleaning up a crime scene? Do you have flippers where you should have feet? Crocs are the herpes of footwear, and they should be avoided at all costs. Personally, I'd walk bare foot over broken glass and fire before I put them on my feet.
2. Tights are for UNDER something. A long sweater dress, a pretty skirt, etc. They are not pants. And while I'm on the subject, let's go easy on the leggings, gals. I don't want to see your camel toe. NO ONE wants to see your camel toe. There is a proper way to wear leggings, and I hate to say this, but 85% of you ladies are doing it wrong.
3. Skinny jeans are for ladies. Period. There is no exception. If you fellas like to wear your denim a bit more snug, more power to ya, but if you require Crisco and an extra set of hands to get into it... No. Just no. And also... just like the name suggests, skinny jeans really are for the skinny. There is nothing wrong with curves, but wrapping them in something much too tight is not flattering.
4. Why, hipsters, why? We get it, you're artsy, edgy, non mainstream, and you were all those things BEFORE it was cool. But do you have to look so douchey? Wool caps & scarves are for winter. And stop giving glasses a bad name. I wear glasses because without them, I can't see. You asshats wear them for no reason, and now suddenly all of us visually challenged folks are being lumped in with you, and it's pissing me off. Now go drink your PBR in a dark corner somewhere, and bitch about society.
5. Can we all just agree to stop wearing Ed Hardy, Tap Out, and Affliction shirts? It just makes you look like a tool.
6. Yoga pants are for yoga. Shocking, I know. Apparently putting the name in the title wasn't informative enough. So let me just make sure this is clear. YOGA PANTS ARE FOR YOGA. Did you get it that time? Unless you are on your way to, currently practicing, or immediately coming from yoga... change your damn pants. I don't care how good they make your ass look. If you are actually doing yoga that much, your ass should look that great in anything.
7. Pajamas and sweats are not acceptable in public. It takes no more effort to put on real clothes. You want to know why you're single, no one will hire you, and people treat you like shit? Because you look like a mess. If you want to be taken seriously, start with how you present yourself to the world. You want people to respect you? Respect yourself enough to not look like a lazy piece of trash. Brush your teeth, comb your hair, and put on real pants.
8. Hey gangsta... pull your pants up. First of all, it's hardly practical to run from the police while holding up your drawers. Second, the only place it's ok to bust a sag that big, is in the bathroom. You don't have swagger, you just look like an idiot.
9. If you can't walk in heels that high, don't wear heels that high. Or practice first, so you don't look like you have a broomstick up your ass. They're shoes, it's not a tightrope act. If you struggle that much to keep your balance, you're doing it wrong. And don't feel too bad if you can't walk in the stilettos, because, let's be honest... they were made to wear whilst lying down anywho.
10. If you think it's too tight, short, low cut, or inappropriate, it probably is. Now don't get me wrong, I like a deep V as much as the next gal, but maybe wearing it to volunteer (bent over) with children all day isn't the best idea. And while that micro mini and stripper shoes are perfect for a night at the club, they probably aren't suitable for a job interview. Ya get me?
Well... that is my unsolicited advice for today. You're welcome.
Hello, my name is Teena, and I am a fashion disaster. Yup, I admit it. I know little to nothing about fashion and trends. Clothing brands and designer names may as well be hieroglyphics to me. I just don't get it. I love clothes and accessories as much as the next girl, but I've never understood buying something based on a name. I follow a strict 'never judge a dress by its label' rule. I shop by look and feel. Did it catch my eye? Does it feel good on? Do I look and feel good with it on? That's it. Those are my fashion rules. Trends have never factored in for me.
As a kid, I hated jeans. HATED them. I grew up in the 80's & 90's, so they were either too tight or too loose. And they felt like wearing potato sacks. It took me years to find brands and styles that felt comfortable to me. I never cared that "all the other kids were wearing them" or that I wasn't cool or in style. I only cared about comfort.
Growing up, I rarely shopped at the stores my friends did. Partly because I couldn't afford to, but also because I didn't care for the styles. They just weren't me. I shopped at thrift stores WAY before Macklemore & Ryan Lewis made songs about it. I always liked the look of vintage clothing, plus everything was already soft and worn. And it was cheap!
Now that I'm older, my styles might have changed, but I still shop the same way. I look for items that draw my eye and I only buy things that feel right on my skin. I still LOVE vintage, but I lean towards dresses and more feminine pieces than I did in my younger days.
When I think of fashion, I think runways and magazine covers. I picture outfits that are more art than function and I just don't relate to that. I can appreciate it, sure. But I don't get it. My awesome and very dear friend, Vanessa, has a fashion blog, and I love it. I read it religiously. (Check it out here) She also loves vintage, and she can relate to my eclectic tastes, as well. She has a passion for fashion, that I certainly do not, but she has a sense of humor & whimsy that make it enjoyable to even disasters like myself. I need to bring her shopping with me.
My closet is a hodge podge of random, unrelated items. Occasionally, I put things together that make it appear as if I know what I'm doing, but for the most part, I just dress according to my mood. In an average week, my style can go from cowgirl, to pin-up, to punk rocker. And then I'll have a whole month when I wear nothing but jeans and t-shirts. Like I said... fashion disaster. There is no rhyme or reason to my looks. I just wear what I like, and I like a lot of different things apparently. Very few of which are "on trend". But, I'm ok with that. I like my crazy style. It suits me. I will never grace the pages of Cosmo or have my own clothing line at Target. I will probably never recognize the names or faces of famous designers or own a pair of $1000 shoes. I am a fashion disaster... and I am just fine.
Just last weekend, a very dear friend of mine, Vanessa, attended the North American International Auto Show (NAIAS) Gala Event. Now, Vanessa is a fashion blogger, and a damn good one. If you aren't familiar with her blog, you should definitely check it out. (http://readydressedgo.blogspot.com/) She has an artistic eye for design and a sense of style that is off the charts. Keep in mind, I said that she is a fashion blogger. Not a car enthusiast. So of course the Gala Event was right up her alley. Wall to wall formal wear, fabulous shoes and enough bling and accessories to make Zsa Zsa Gabor drool.
After the event, she did a write up on her blog about the great fashions that she had encountered. Upon tweeting this, a rather angry gentleman implied that the NAIAS was too Hollywood, and that it was about the cars, rather than the fashion. Now my darling friend, being the sassy and smart gal she is, of course already responded in her clever way with a brilliant retort. But, being as I AM a car person, and someone who also loves and appreciates fashion, I felt the need to respond as well. So listen up, angry car guy, you might just learn something.
Cars and fashion have long gone hand in hand. From the very early days of the automobile, it was a sign of style and class. You put on your Sunday best and went for a drive. You wanted everyone to know that you had not only money, but great taste as well. You would never step out of a Rolls Royce in sweat pants and a dirty t-shirt. It would be a crime.
Car companies and fashion designers quickly realized what a great opportunity they had. By teaming up, they could expand their brands to an entirely new audience. In the early 1970's, AMC teamed up with Gucci for an exclusive edition Hornet. This was such a success, that higher end companies started following in their footsteps. Lincoln had an entire Designer Series line that included interior finishes from Cartier, Pucci, Givenchy and Bill Blass. Customers ate it up. Not only did you have a great machine, but now it had even more style and finesse. And it appealed to a whole new market. We all know at least one person who owned an Eddie Bauer Edition Ford Explorer or an L.L Bean Subaru Forester. They were extremely popular with not only car enthusiasts, but fashion lovers as well. And who can forget the denim upholstered Gremlin? What a spicy little gem that was. And how about Mini? Each year, they team up with a fashion designer to create a unique car, all in the name of charity. What a brilliant idea! Cars and fashion have long been hanging in the same circles. This is nothing new. How many clothing brands use cars and trucks in their advertising? Tons! Why? Because it works. If that great pair of pants didn't catch your eye, odds are, the sleek and sexy muscle car the model is perched atop did. And have you ever been to a car show? Look around. Eight out of every ten people there are sporting some kind of attire with their favorite car logo. From hats, shirts and jackets, to shoes, handbags and more. There is absolutely no denying that cars and fashion belong together.
And as for Hollywood, well, have you ever seen a movie? Hollywood loves its cars. Whether they are the star of the film (Transformers, Fast and Furious, The Italian Job, Smokey and the Bandit, Gone in 60 Seconds and MANY more) or they are just being raced, chased, smashed and crashed, cars have made their mark on Hollywood and they aren't going anywhere.
If I haven't made it clear already, I love cars. I fully intend on a trip to the NAIAS and drooling over the latest beautiful machines on display. I will talk about engines and turbos and I will make cracks about terrible body lines hideous wheels. But let me tell you this... if whilst oogling a stunning piece of automotive art, I happen upon a fabulous pair of shoes or a glorious handbag, you bet your ass I'll be checking that out too.
