Some Things Grief Has Taught Me...

In the year since losing our son, I have learned many lessons. Most of which, I would rather not have. But as usual... Grief has a plan of its own.
So here are a few things that Grief has taught me:

*Some things just aren't that big of a deal.
Sometimes in life, we find ourselves thoroughly overwhelmed. Jobs, kids, money, drama, etc, etc, etc. We tend to think that these relatively minor stresses are so much bigger than they really are. Until suddenly, something happens that puts it into perspective. Suddenly that pile of laundry isn't the end of the world. That mess the kids made is just a slight inconvenience, not the be all, end all. Your annoying boss is a pain, yes, but you get to leave work at some point. When grieving the loss of your only child, NOTHING even comes close. Nothing. And it is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. It isn't temporary, it isn't fixable, and it isn't avoidable. Then you add all those everyday annoyances and inconveniences on top of it. So yeah... some things are just not that big of a deal.

*Some people aren't worth your time.
As awful as that sounds, it is the truth. We all have these people in our lives. The toxic, negative ones that are always bringing you down. Yet for some reason, we continue to allow them to hold a place in our lives. Well not anymore. Life is a constant struggle for me now. I have to fight for each smile and laugh. I have to make a choice to try and be happy, and it is far from easy. Having people in my life who consistently make it harder or impossible is not an option anymore. I can't allow it.

*I am not worth everyone's time.
Yes... This goes both ways. When you hit rock bottom, and you are at your worst, some people will walk away. They will not understand or be patient. They will not know how to deal with you. I have accepted this. The first few times it happened, it hurt me, but now I understand that not everyone is capable of dealing with difficult times. I try not to take it personally, and I do not force anyone to be a part of my life that does not want to be. Grief has taught me who my true friends (and family) are.

*There is unbelievable kindness in the world.
So often in life, we focus on the bad. We see only our problems, and not our blessings. Well when you are drowning in Grief, and struggling for a way out, you start to see things differently. You find yourself seeking out the good. It is the only way out of the constant darkness. And it IS out there. Since losing Zachary, we have been amazed at the outpouring of decency and support. From loved ones, and from strangers. Nearly every day, I am surprised by an unexpected (and much appreciated) act of pure, unselfish kindness. I am blown away by it, and I couldn't be more grateful for it.

*Life is too short.
I hear people say this all the time, but I'm not sure they truly get it. I'm not sure I genuinely understood it until we lost our son. Now I certainly do. When your life is ripped apart in a matter of moments, you learn this lesson quickly. And you don't forget it. In one instant everything was gone. And it really can happen to anyone. The future is not promised. Just because you make plans, doesn't mean life will allow you to keep them. So live in the now. Make time for what matters, sooner than later. Say I love you. Often. Count your blessings, and don't sweat the small stuff. Do what makes you happy, and do your best to make others happy, too.

*Leave a legacy.
When our son passed away, we heard countless stories of how he touched the lives of others. We are still hearing new stories all the time. Zach truly was a light in this world, and anyone who knew him can vouch for that. He will forever be remembered for his kindness, generosity, and for all the goodness he brought into the lives of those who knew him.
How will you be remembered? Each day you live could be your last chance to leave your legacy. If today was your last day, what would your legacy be? Would it be someone who left smiles and laughter everywhere they went? Or would it be someone who was never happy, never satisfied, and always bitter? Be conscious of your actions and your attitudes, they are going to be someone's memories of you one day.