Elf on the Shelf vs. Gnome in my Home

My obsession with gnomes is no secret. I love them. They bring me endless joy. I have amassed quite a collection, and I can often be found posing them in various situations/costumes and taking their pics. All through the year, I hear endless crap about this. I get everything from "You are seriously crazy." to "Gnomes are SOOOO creepy!" and everything in between. I'm looked at sideways and with questionable glances. Do I care? No. Do I say anything? Well... yes, but mostly just in defense of my pointy hatted friends. But I take the stares, the laughs, the judgment, and I press on. Why? Because it makes me happy, and it's a gosh darn hoot! So I accept my seat on the crazy train, and I enjoy the ride. Though it's mostly a solo journey.
Until December arrives...
Then suddenly, my quiet trip through Nutville is interrupted by a stop at the Bandwagon Express Station, where the train is filled to capacity. These seasonal whackjobs are commonly accompanied by a small creature, dressed in red, with a disturbingly rapey expression on his face. He goes by many names, but his followers know him mainly as.... Elf on the Shelf. This voyeuristic little weirdo is apparently some kind of CIA spy for the big man at the North Pole. He forces his way into your home sometime around Thanksgiving, and proceeds to spend the next month or so digging through all your personal belongings and giving your children nightmares and the promise of years of therapy. But that's neither here nor there.... If you want to have tiny little peeping Tom elves watching you and your hubs do the dirty, well that's your business.
My problem comes when those same folks, who trash talk me for my instability, suddenly want to be all up in the fruitcake. You can say what you want about it "being for the kids" or "just for Christmas", but I know and YOU know that if they made an Elf for Easter, Halloween, Presidents Day, or Chinese New Year, you'd be all over it. But it's ok, I wont judge you. I welcome you into the fold. There are plenty of vacancies here at the Mental Motel, enjoy your stay. But because I take my role as Queen of the Crazies very seriously, I feel the need to point out that MY toys are better than YOUR toys. In that spirit, I bring you....

Elf on the Shelf vs. Gnome in my Home

I shall issue a challenge, right here, right now. All you part time, Christmas kooks bring on your best Elf on the Shelf pics, and I guarantee me & my gnomies can beat them. How can I be so sure? Because gnomes are better. Period. Plus, let's be honest... I can out crazy anyone. Need more proof?

 

 

 

BOOM! Nailed it.