I don't understand this antiquated attitude about marriage. How anyone can think that a couple who has been together (successfully and happily, I might add) for 16 years is NOT committed to one another, or not really in love, is beyond me. As for "making an honest woman" out of me... well that one is just plain stupid. This isn't the stone age, so can we please quit using that terminology already?
If you really think that a piece of paper makes your relationship any better, stronger, or more real than someone else's, you clearly do not understand what marriage is truly all about.
There is a battle in this country right now over marriage, about who can and can't be "legally" married. I'm shocked by this. Marriage should be simple. Two people who love each other, are committed to one another, and want to share their lives together. That's it. It shouldn't be about anything else. For me, a piece of paper, signed by some government official means nothing. As far as I'm concerned, Dan and I are as married as two people can be. (To be fair, I would like to have an actual wedding someday, but the legal part is the least of my concerns.) But in our culture we have placed so much importance on this document, and on this notion that your relationship can only be "real" if it is legal. While this means little to me, I do know that there is a very large group of people who this DOES mean something to. And many in that group have been told that they cannot have that piece of paper. That their relationship is not worthy of it, and therefore not "real". This saddens me. How can anyone not be worthy of love? And isn't love what marriage is really about?
Now here is where I know some people will get all opinionated, and start spewing nonsense. Let me nip that in the bud. Before you give me your "but in the bible it says" speech, let me make a few points. Here is what biblical marriage really means:
In the bible, men married women as soon as they were old enough to procreate, or as soon as they hit puberty. That means that most wives in the bible were as young as 11 years old. (Today we would call that child molesting and rape.)
In the bible, wives were property of their husbands. They were no more important than livestock or land, and men were encouraged to have multiple wives to better their chances of bearing children. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Judah, and many more were well known for having many wives and sexual partners. Still liking the sound of "biblical marriage"?
How about this? In the bible, it was common practice to marry fellow clan or family members. Marriage to "outsiders" did not come into practice until much later. (Inbreeding! Sounds great!) And let's not forget that eensy weensy little detail about being a virgin. Not a virgin? Ohhh... bummer for you, you'd be executed. Still not convinced?
Let me share this excerpt with you:
As much as we do not want to admit it, marriage is an evolving institution; a social construct that has been changing for the better since biblical times. Those who claim that the biblical model for marriage is one husband and one wife apparently haven’t read the Bible or examined the well-documented sources describing life in antiquity.
The sooner we move away from the myth of the so-called traditional biblical marriage, the better prepared we will be to discuss what constitutes a family in the 21st century.
That was taken from an article written by ABP News Religious Herald. That's right, a religious based website. (Read the full article here)
We live in an ever changing society. That means that we grow and improve over time. There was a time that a woman had no say in who she married, a time when people of different religions or races couldn't be married, and while those things might have made sense at that time... they seem insane and ridiculous to us now. Why? Because we have evolved as humans. We understand that things like sex, race, and religion shouldn't limit our basic human rights.
Marriage is simply love made legal. It isn't defined by our genders. It is defined by the two unique individuals involved, and by what is important to them. This is why people choose to write their own vows, instead of being dictated to.
It's time we stopped judging someone else's definition of marriage. Your relationship isn't going to change just because other people's are different.
And for those of you out there like myself and Dan, living happily committed lives, without a legal document... Your love is real, and just as valid, important and beautiful as anyone else's, and I hope someday the law, and everyone else sees that too.
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