Grief Anger

As I've said before, I don't think that my Grief has gone in any particular order or stages. It's been a hurricane of emotions right from the start, and that hasn't changed much. 
I'm better able to deal with some of them, but they are all still there. Still raw. Still fresh. It's been nearly nine months since we lost our son. Not long in the grand scheme of things. Too long to not see or touch your child. 
He would be finishing up his first year of college about now. He was so nervous to start. I have no doubts he would have done great, though. He was always such a smart kid. 
But I guess we'll never truly know how it would have gone...
It makes me angry to think about it. He had so much life ahead of him. So many things he never had a chance to experience. College, living on his own, true love, a career, marriage, children. The list is endless. He had such a zest for life. He loved every second of it. Even when most people were complaining, he rarely was. He'd just shrug, laugh and say "Oh well. May as well make the best of it." 
Maybe that's what makes me so furious. I know so many people who piss and moan nonstop about anything and everything. They are so miserable in their existence, and they have no passion for anything. And they live long and healthy lives. It's unfair. I don't wish ill on anyone, but I just don't understand how the wheel of life turns. Why do the good die young? Why are so many innocent and beautiful souls taken so soon, while others who bring nothing but negativity and ugliness into the world live so long? Why does it seem as though the scales are tipped in favor of evil? Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I am bitter now. Or maybe I have always been. I'm not sure anymore. I just know that right now, I am angry. I am angry that my son isn't here anymore. I am angry that he is missing out on so much. I am angry that I am missing out on so much with him. I am angry that life is unfair and that there is not a damn thing I can do about it. I am angry that I couldn't protect him. I am angry that my husband lost his best buddy. I am angry that my mother-in-law and sister-in-law lost their grandson and their nephew. I am angry that my nieces and nephews will never remember my son. Some of them will never meet him. I am angry that I'll never see my son graduate college, fall in love, get married and have children of his own. I am angry about so much, but mostly I am angry that I'm angry. 
I know it's the last thing Zach would've wanted. He would want me to laugh and smile, and enjoy life for him. I can hear his voice in my head telling me to knock it off and cheer up. I'm trying kid... I really am. But sometimes the anger gets the best of me. Grief is funny that way. 

                        One of Zachary's senior pictures. Just look at that smile.