Real Talk: Guy Time

Since I already talked to the ladies, I think it's time I had a little chat with the fellas, too. Being a female, I like to think I have some idea of what women are looking for. Although, as you already know, some bitches be crazy. So for the sake of argument, let's just say this is a general list of things *most* gals prefer to see in a man. 

1. Don't be an idiot.
If you want to be a complete jackass when you are hanging with your boys, feel free. But if you want to get/keep a decent woman, keep your idiotic behavior to a controlled level. This includes: out of hand drinking, childish activities, foul language, etc. If you think it might annoy her, it probably will. So don't do it. 
2. Hygiene is a must.
Women want a man who looks and smells clean. Not someone who looks and smells like they just rolled out of a dumpster. Take regular showers. Use good smelling products while you're in there. Deodorant isn't just for special occasions. Use it every day. Check your finger and toe nails. Do you look like you are ready to dig your way to China? Gross. Cut them. While we're on the subject, buy a nail brush and scrub underneath them. We can assume where your hands have been, we don't need proof. Do your laundry often. Unless you are working on your car or fixing something, there is no excuse to be rocking stained and dirty clothes. You don't look cool, you look homeless. Brush your teeth at least twice a day. If you had a coney with extra onions for lunch, brush again. And gargle. Oh, and flossing isn't just something the dentist can do. Buy some and use it. Invest in good cologne. A nice smelling man is sexier. Period. But don't overdue it. A little goes a long way. 
3. Hair dos and don'ts.
If you use hair products, I beg of you, don't get carried away. A woman wants to be able to touch your hair, and maybe run her fingers through it. Not get stuck in it. We also don't want to feel like it took you longer to get ready than us. So keep it simple. Keep your facial hair trimmed and nice looking. I know giant beards are all the rage now, and while *some* gals may like that, most of us prefer a minimal amount of facial hair. We don't want to guess at what you look like underneath the fur mask. Trim your nose and ear hairs. They make these great little tools for it and it takes seconds. If I can't focus on what you're saying because I am watching your nose hairs dance around, we're going to have a problem. Look in the mirror. If you can see them, so can everyone else. Snip, snip. Now fellas... if you are blessed with the body hair of a gorilla, don't fret. Not all women want their men as smooth and hairless as a newborn. BUT... we also don't want to date Cousin Itt. Invest in an electric trimmer. They come with all sorts of attachments and guards that can be used to maintain a clean look. When I said before, that women like to run their fingers through your hair, I wasn't talking about the hair on your back. So, keep it manscaped. And when in doubt, there's always waxing. Ask your mother for the number to her salon, and let them help you out. 
4. Expectations.
I said it to the ladies, and I'll say it to you guys. If you want the perfect girl, you better be the perfect guy. Unless you look like Channing Tatum, don't expect her to look like a Victoria's Secret model. Real women come in all shapes and sizes, and aren't airbrushed to perfection. The sooner you accept this, the better off you'll be. Also, don't expect a woman to think and act like you. Odds are, she won't. Women are different than men. Period. It is a scientific fact that male and female brains work differently. You may not always understand her, so just be patient and kind. A hug goes a long way sometimes. 
5. Helpful hints.
Here are a few secrets to help you guys out. Women are really not that complicated. If you want to understand her, listen to her. Pay attention to what she says and how she says it. Watch her body language. *Most* women crave attention. Compliment her. You don't have to lavish her with gifts, but please try to remember her birthday and your anniversary at the very least. Treat her with respect. BE HONEST. I cannot stress this enough. Right from the get go, always be honest. No woman wants to find out 3 years into a relationship that you're anti marriage and kids. 

Now guys, these are by no means the only rules you should follow, but they are a good baseline for finding and keeping a quality woman. And if you are ever in doubt, feel free to ask us, we love to tell you what we want. ;)

Yes, this is a photo of bacon. If you treat a woman right, she might just make you some.