A couple friends of mine invited me to try out a class with them, and since they had a $5 coupon for me to use, I could hardly say no. I mean, I spend more than that at Taco Bell, so I figured what the hell.
I asked what attire I should wear, and since you all know how I feel about yoga pants, I was hoping to avoid that descent into the wardrobe from hell. I was told "Something tight. Shorts are good too."
Here's the thing... I'm almost 35. I gave up shorts and most tight fitting garments like 7 years ago. I literally had nothing to wear. So I made a quick trip to the store, and after trying on nearly every other possible option, I left with a pair of dreaded yoga pants. I kid you not, I died a little inside as I was ringing them up. I didn't get the lifting, sucking, tucking, look at my ass kind either. I'm cheap. I bought the least expensive ones they had. After trying them on, I realized there was also no way to wear them without having a super obvious panty line. Since I'm not a yoga pants expert, I texted my friend, Vanessa, who is, and asked what the underskivvy situation was with them. She said most people go commando, but she proudly rocks the panty line. Since V is the most fashionable person I know, I opted to follow in her panty line footsteps. I also assumed an extra layer would help me avoid the evil camel toe.
Once the wardrobe situation was handled, I moved on to my other concern, which was my undeniable lack of flexibility. Yoga is all about stretching and bending, both of which I max out just getting out of bed. But I was again told not to worry. That you don't have to be flexible to benefit. Ok, if you say so...
Class time arrives.
I'm decked out in yoga pants, sports bra, and tank top. At this point, I'm also wishing I had invested in those fake glasses with the mustache attached, because I can barely believe I left the house in that.
We go in, sign up, and I rent a mat. We proceed into a darkened room, with what I assume they think is relaxing, peaceful music playing, but all I hear is a hippie drum circle, and I'm half expecting someone to pass a pipe or a tray of brownies. No one did. That was a letdown...
We get situated, and quietly giggle amongst ourselves. Other people are stretching, and looking like they know what to do. I address my final, last minute concerns with my friends, who once again convince me all will be well.
Class begins...
Nary 3.5 seconds into class, she starts using some weird foreign language/speaking in tongues. Apparently they are names for poses and whatnot, but damned if I knew. So I did the 'peek around and see what everyone else is doing' move. Note to self: get a yoga translator before you go again.
But I figured it out, and managed to follow along pretty well. (There were no mirrors, so I could convince myself that I looked as fluent and graceful as everyone else.)
I stretched as far as my candy and goldfish cracker filled body would stretch. I didn't reach my toes. I've NEVER been able to reach my toes. As far as I'm concerned, my toes are on another planet. But reach for them I did. And I breathed. I bent my body into positions that I wouldn't even attempt naked and with my hubs.
I spent a great deal of time with my ass high in the air, silently begging my body not to relax too much and rip one directly into my buddy's face. (It was brought to my attention prior to class that this is something that happens to some people. I very badly did NOT want to be one of those people.)
I also spent a great deal of time with my face buried into my own cleavage. And while that sounds delightful, it makes deep breathing a tad challenging. But I managed to deal. So I bent, and I stretched, and I breathed. And I sweat. A lot. I'd like to say it was from the yoga, but it was more than likely because we were doing yoga in a sauna. Seriously... are fans and A/C against the yoga religion?? Your hippie music and soft lighting are great, but the fact that I had to repeatedly pull my yoga pants out of my sweaty ass and do camel toe checks made relaxing nearly impossible. It also turned my yoga mat into a sweaty slip and slide, which made balancing on one foot, whilst turned at a 90 degree angle a bit tricky at times.
But... I did it. I finished the class. I didn't fall on my ass, and I didn't feel like a complete and total fool. That alone made it feel like quite the achievement.
Would I go again? Yes. But probably not there. It was a good class, and the instructor was great, but I'm gonna look for a place with air conditioning, or at the very least, an open window.
Besides, I own yoga pants now... I'm obligated to use them.
So if you're interested in trying out yoga, I strongly suggest you do it. Based on how my body feels today, I can tell you that it REALLY works. And if my old, non flexible ass can do it, truly ANYONE can. Go with an open mind, and a sense of humor, and you'll do great. Also... skipping the burrito beforehand might be a good idea as well. ;) Namaste.
True story.
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