Real Talk: The Joys of Living Together

When you are in a committed relationship, and eventually move in together, there is a flood of excitement and nervousness. You are taking a huge step, and you can't wait to settle in to this new role. Only magic and wonder lie ahead.  
Yeah, yeah. Fast forward a bit...
You've lived together a few years, maybe more. Your lives are utterly intertwined. There is no longer a mine or yours, only ours. And while this is the original intention, and not at all a bad thing, there are several aspects of joint living that we don't really consider, or even notice right away. The hidden truths of living together that no one talks about. Until now.
So for those of you about to take the leap, or for those still in the honeymoon phase... be prepared. Soon enough, your moment of awakening will come.
And for those of you who've been on the ride awhile... hopefully you'll find comfort knowing you're not alone.

1. The Battle of the Bed.
Growing up, you lived in this naïve world, where you believed you would always be able to throw yourself into bed any way you wished, and sleep like Rip Van Winkle. Those days are gone. Now, you've been relegated to one half (if you're lucky) of a bed. And not just any half. Nay. You were forced to choose a side, and sleep on that side for the remainder of your days. I mean sure... you could switch it up, but then what if you woke up in the middle of the night and needed your chapstick? Well, that is in YOUR nightstand, on what feels like the other side of the planet. Or what if you forget that you're no longer on the side nearest the bathroom, and in your sleepy state, accidentally pee in the closet? It's just not worth it. Accept your fate, and stay on your side.

2. Silence is Golden.
Just because you love someone and share a home with them, does not mean that you are always on the same page. Sometimes, one or the other of you will want nothing more than peace and quiet, whilst the other randomly decided that RIGHT THEN is the perfect time to practice their Mariah Carey karaoke jam session. So even though the little crazy voice in your head is screaming "DEAR LORD, SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!" you must suffer in silence. Yes silence, that word that your darling roomie clearly does not know the meaning of.

3. Umm, excuse me. I'm in here.
Don't waste your breath with those words. They know you are in there. They just don't care. Privacy is a thing of the past. You will now always have company when you bleach your mustache, shower, and empty your bladder. Because obviously, that is the perfect time to discuss everything. Oh, and scoot over, they also need to clip their toenails or trim their nose hair right this very second. It doesn't matter that there is another, perfectly functional bathroom they could use. Nope, you're a team now. You do all things together. Yay.

4. Closet Space.
Here's the deal. I don't care what any real estate agent or fancy home listing says. Unless your home has been featured on an episode of MTV Cribs, you will NOT have enough closet space in your master bedroom. No bedroom closet was ever properly designed for two adults to share. I don't care how big it looks, it will not be big enough. Someone is going to have to keep their shit in another room, or accept 30% of their allotted space. And yes, I DO need all of those shoes.

5. The Great Debate.
Ok, so you love each other. For better or for worse. Fine. But you are never, ever, ever going to agree on everything. Whether it is how to properly put on a roll of toilet paper (It's always over, by the way. Always.) how to squeeze the toothpaste, fold a hand towel, or load the dishwasher.... there will be at least one thing that you eternally disagree on. You may compromise, but you will never get over it. Your way is the right way, and that's all there is to it.

6. But that was mine!
There will come a time when you find yourself huffing like a pissed off toddler who refuses to share and saying "Stop taking/using my shit!" Regardless of how well you think you hid that box of your favorite cookies, or how many times you point out which razor is yours. I know, I know.... there is no MINE or YOURS. But really... that was MY donut. I was saving it. And that shampoo you used... that was mine too.

7. You'll Never Be Lonely Again.
Living with someone is not always easy. You will bicker over trivial things, you will wonder how someone so adorable can make a room stink so bad, and you will probably day dream about what it would be like to live alone every so often. But you will NEVER be lonely again. Even when you think all you want is alone time, when they aren't there, you will find yourself listening intently for the sound of their key in the door. You will lie next to them at night and know that the bed would just feel so big and empty without them. (something you'll have to remind yourself of when the snoring starts) You will form habits together, and become a real team. You will share things you never expected to share, and you will be all the better for it. THAT is the real truth.

Teena's Truths: Life Advice You Can Count On

You know those inspirational posters that you see in offices and schools? The ones with the cat hanging from the tree that says "Just Hang In There" or the captivating image of a man atop a great mountain that simply says "Determination". Yeah well, these aren't those. These are real life nuggets of wisdom, learned the hard way. No flowery, cutesy, awe inspiring imagery. No scrolly, swirly fonts. Just golden gems of truth. Ponder them. Memorize them.  Share them with your friends. Just remember where you heard them. Don't try to claim them as your own, or I will find you, and slap the ever lovin' crap out of you. This shit is mine. See the title? TEENA'S TRUTHS. I'm Teena. Not you. And don't you forget it.

If you don't believe me, just ask the last people who tried to steal my stuff. Oh that's right, you can't. I blew them up. (Thank you M.Campbell Photography for this kick ass photo.)

Anywho.... without further adieu, here is my unparalleled genius. Enjoy.

"Get up, put on something pretty, slap some extra shiny lip gloss on, and make today count before it's over."

"Having a bad hair day? Just wear a low cut shirt or a high cut skirt, and no one will notice."

"There are very few things that glitter, new shoes, and a good song can't fix. For everything else, there's alcohol."

"Practice makes perfect. But if it doesn't, just try not to fuck it up too bad."

"If he doesn't make you laugh AND orgasm, he's not the one."

"Never judge a man by his car. Unless it's a Camaro. Then it's safe to assume he's a douchebag."

"Always use protection. Sex is better without a screaming baby in the other room."

"There's only so much stupid that good looks and a hot body can make up for. So brush up on current events, and read a book from time to time."

"Work hard, play hard, and fuck hard. Not necessarily in that order."

"Always dress to impress. You never know who you'll be making a first impression on. Plus, no one likes a lazy slob."

"Never be ashamed of being yourself. Be ashamed of being someone else, because they probably aren't as awesome."

"Always wear waterproof mascara. Rain and tears are easier to wipe off than black gunk."

"No one likes a whiner. Man the hell up, or shut the hell up."

"Never underestimate the power of a hot bath or a cold beer."

"If you can't find a good man, invest in some good batteries."

That's it for now. I'm sure your brain probably imploded after the first three anyway. There's only so much brilliance the average mind can handle. But don't fret, there will be more. I am brimming with barely contained cleverness.

Truth & Lies

From the time we are small, we are told how important it is to tell the truth. How even "little white lies" can lead to bigger and bigger lies, and how these lies can snowball and get out of control. In church we are taught the value and importance of honesty and integrity, and how telling the truth, even if no one believes it, is the most important thing. That all anyone has is their honor, and that the honorable thing to do, is to stand up for what you believe in, and to always hold the truth above all else.
Then at some point in your childhood, you tell a teacher or a parent what someone said or did, just being honest, and you are called a tattle-tale. Then you get even older and you see someone doing something they shouldn't, at your job for example, and you share that information with a boss, and you are called a whistle-blower or a snitch. And let's not forget the time you tell a friend or partner that yes, those jeans do make you look fat, and you are called mean or cruel.
So, are we saying that some lies and dishonesties are ok? Or that the truth is only important when it is convenient or benefits us? Don't get me wrong, we've all fibbed, or withheld little things to protect a person's feelings, or to help ease a situation. But what if those fibs or withholdings aren't protecting anyone? What if those are the very things that someone should hear? What if knowing that tiny bit of information would change the very nature of someone's beliefs or feelings? Is it still ok? How do you know when it is OK to lie? Or when it is OK to tell the truth, for that matter? Is there some rule book, or manual for knowing when to be honest? Because if such a thing does exsist, I think we need to start passing out copies for everyone to read. But since this is my blog, I am going to answer my own question the best way I know how.
It is NEVER OK to lie. Yes, some lies are necessary or even temporarily beneficial, but they are never good. Even the smallest lie can come back and bite you in the ass. Honesty is, and always will be, the BEST policy. It may cost you a job, a friendship, or even your heart & soul, but it will always be the right decision. Because, at the end of the day, the truth will win out, and integrity will stand. It may take days, or weeks, or even years, but eventually, all lies disintegrate and the only thing that remains is the truth. So you just have to decide what side you want to be standing on when it is all said and done.

"Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you're right and you know it, speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth."
- -Gandhi