I've never considered myself an optimist. Nor would I call myself a pessimist, either. I like to think I'm a realist. I don't view the world through rose colored glasses, and I have my Debbie Downer days just like anyone else. Since losing my son, almost 11 months ago, I've started really noticing how people react to different things in life, and social media is a great place to study human behavior. When people post things, they often do it without thought. It's instant gratification. I'm mad/sad/excited/scared/etc, so I'm going to let the world know why, right now. Once upon a time, you couldn't do that. You had to wait until you came home to talk to your spouse, or to call a friend. So we tended to think about things a bit longer. We let them absorb. This gave us a chance to put it into perspective. Is it really that upsetting? Is it worth the drama it may cause to share it? Is it too personal/private? With cell phones and social media, we tend to skip the introspective part and just go for it. We share everything without always thinking it through. And without considering the consequences.
So what does that have to do with happiness, you ask? Let me explain...
Happiness is a matter of perspective. You can choose to see the negative or you can seek out the positive.
When we stop to put things into perspective, we often realize that the things we think are so bad, really aren't. We also may find that the things we complain about most, are fully within our control to change. When I hear/see people complain about their kids making messes, I can't help but think how lucky they are. I'd give anything to come home to a mess again. Having a mess means you have your children. Messes can be cleaned up. Broken items can be replaced. Children cannot.
When someone makes a post complaining about having a cold/flu, someone suffering from cancer or missing a limb might consider them lucky.
When you put your causes for unhappiness in a pile with everyone else's, and you see how they compare, you may just think differently.
So are you choosing to be unhappy? Are you actively looking for a new job, or just constantly bitching about the one you have? Are you whining about how awful your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is, but making no attempt to leave the situation? Are you crying about being fat, but still eating unhealthy foods and not exercising? Are you forever bemoaning how your friends/family treat you, but continuing to allow it to happen?
Are you CHOOSING to be miserable? If you were looking at your life from the outside, what advice would you give yourself?
Just like you can choose to be unhappy, you can also choose to be happy. Or at the very least, happier. You can change your attitude about how you see things. You can start asking yourself "Is this REALLY that bad?" or "Is this something I can change?" And when you really start to feel down, turn on the news. Look at what's happening in the world and think about how your life compares. Do you have a roof over your head? A partner who loves and supports you? Food in your belly? Freedom?
After losing our son, my husband and I have made a concerted effort to not fall into the depression and negativity that comes so easily now. We have opted instead to adopt our son's happy and carefree attitude about life, and we TRY to always see the silver lining. Is this easy? Not at all. But nothing worthwhile ever is. But I know that when we do this, I can feel our son smiling down on us with pride. So I am choosing to be happy. I have learned to put things into perspective and not to sweat the small stuff. I have decided that I am no longer allowing room in my life for toxic and negative people. I have to fight hard enough for the positive, I will not allow others to bring me down even more. I have learned that humor is a POWERFUL tool, and that sometimes you just have to laugh. And I have learned that happiness is not something we are given, it is something we choose for ourselves. So today... I am choosing to be happy. What are you choosing?
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