Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Blame Game

Let me start by saying that the horrible and unimaginable event that took place in Newton, CT is a human tragedy, plain and simple. The lives of countless people have been forever changed. As a parent who has very recently lost my only child, my heart aches for those who went home with empty arms and empty souls. There is NO loss like that of a child. There is no pain more intense and unending. If I could reach out and hold each of them, I would. But since there are no words that can ease the pain they feel, I will merely say that I am keeping them in my thoughts and sending them my love.

That being said, I just cannot sit idly by any longer and read post after post, and tweet after endless tweet where people are laying blame and pointing fingers. 
This is not a political issue. The political party that the man (I refuse to give him any notoriety by using his name.) who did this affiliates with is not responsible for his actions. Heinous crimes are committed every day by people from every class, creed, sex and political affiliation. So let's move on.
This is also not a gun issue. Whether you are pro or anti gun, there is an argument to be made either way. To those who think more guns are the answer, to that I say this: Where does it end? If teachers need guns, then what happens when a teacher freaks out and shoots their students? Do we then give all students guns to protect themselves as well? What happened in CT was in an elementary school. The majority of victims were under 8 years old. That is an illogical and irrational attitude. I for one do not want to live in a world where teachers need to carry arms. I cannot help but picture war torn countries and terrified children, and this is not what I want for my America. So you probably think this means that I want no guns. In an ideal world, we would never need guns. This is not an ideal world. Guns are a very real part of our existence. The idea that we can ever live in a world without them is idiotic. I grew up in a family of hunters, and my husband is a registered hand gun owner. Do we need it? No. Has he ever used it? No. It was passed on from his grandfather, and it is locked safely away where it will probably remain until he decides to get rid of it. I am not pro or anti gun. I can see both sides of the picture. But let's be real honest here. Guns were invented to kill. Plain and simple. So we should not be surprised when they do. I am 100% for better and more strict gun laws across the board. Though they will not keep all of the guns out of the hands of people who intend to use them for harm, they MAY keep some out, and if that means saving just one innocent life, then how could I NOT support it. But banning all guns is not a realistic attitude in this day and age. Period. Do I think your Joe Average needs a military grade, assault rifle? Not in the least. But that is a subject for another time. The bottom line is that a gun did not walk into that school and kill those people. A human being did. And as we all know, it doesn't require a gun to kill people. Bombs, knives and various tools have been used throughout history to do just that. So let's not make this a discussion about gun control, because that is another topic altogether. 
I would also like to point out that this is not a religious issue either. Whether you believe God belongs in schools or not, it is NOT the reason this twisted individual did what he did. Period. GOD can never be banned from schools. If you believe that God is a part of you, and that he is with you always, at all times, than he can never be banned from anything. If you think your children need more God, feel free to send them to a religious school, or attend regular church. That is the beauty of living in a free society. You have the RIGHT to practice any religion you choose. As does everyone else. Prayer was banned from schools in America in the early 60's. I personally grew up in the public school system, religion free. As did nearly everyone I know. I have never, ever even considered committing such an unbelievable act. Have you? Probably not. Is this because you were or weren't allowed to pray in school? Doubtful. It's more likely that you grew up in a home where you were taught right from wrong. You were taught that there are consequences to your actions. And you had the love and support of a good family. The world is indeed changing, and not entirely for the better. Speaking only for myself, I do not practice any religion. Nor does my husband. So obviously my son did not either. Yet somehow, he still managed to grow into a kind, loving, respectful and generous person. God had nothing to do with it. 
And God had nothing to do with the actions of the sick and twisted individual who, of his own free will, shot his sleeping mother in the face and then walked into an elementary school and killed 26 innocent people. 
It is high time that we start placing blame where it belongs. On the individual responsible. A lack of responsibility for our own actions is the biggest issue facing us in the world today. We want to point fingers and make excuses. Well, I find that disgusting. If you get drunk, get behind the wheel and kill 3 people, it is NOT the alcohol or the car's fault. It is yours. If you smoke two packs a day, and get cancer, it is not the cigarette's fault. It is yours. Start owning up people. You have free will, and you make your own choices. It is time to start accepting the consequences for those choices. There is only one person responsible for what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary School. All the finger pointing and blaming and excuse making in the world will not change that fact. 
I know that in times like this we want answers. We need to know why. But does it really matter? Would knowing why bring those lives back? Is there ANY reason or explanation that would be good enough? The answer is no. 
So maybe instead of looking for answers to unanswerable questions, let's instead focus on things we can control. Look around you. Take a good hard look at the people you know. Start making honest assessments and paying attention. Someone doesn't generally become a mass murderer overnight. If you see a child, or an adult that seems to fit a certain profile, reach out and do something. Parents, PLEASE start being proactive. Wouldn't you rather be the parent of a child in therapy than the parent of a murderer? Mental illness is a very real thing, and it can be helped. Do your research. Ask questions. Be involved. At every stage of your children's lives. There is no shame in asking for help. Let's take all this energy expelled at pointing fingers and making excuses, and use it towards preventing another heartbreaking tragedy. No matter what your personal beliefs, I'm certain we can all agree on one thing. It is a heart wrenching blow to our human spirit that we will never forget. 

Monday, December 3, 2012

Pain...

Today I ran errands. I looked around at the cars I passed on the street, and the people in line at the store. They all were just going about with their lives. Listening to the radio, buying groceries, being normal. I wondered if I looked that way to them. I didn't feel that way. I felt like a ghost. A shadow just passing through other people's lives. I passed an old cemetery on the way home, so I stopped. I just walked around the graves. Somehow I felt more at home there. Just another lost soul. It was oddly peaceful. For just a little while, I didn't have to pretend. I didn't have to put on a fake smile or hide my emotions for the sake of others. 
Tomorrow would be my son's 19th birthday. I should be baking his cake, picking up last minute supplies and wrapping his gifts. 
Instead it will be the 4 month anniversary of his passing...
There is no cake. No balloons. No gifts this year. There is nothing. When I wake up tomorrow, I will remember that he is gone, and that his special day will be just another incredibly painful reminder of that. As if each day isn't hard enough already. 
I keep thinking that we should do something. Celebrate for him somehow. But it's just too hard. I tried to buy a cake mix today. My hand shook when I picked up the box, and it took everything I had not to break down in the aisle. So I put it back. It's just a stupid cake, but I couldn't do it. Just seeing the candles and birthday decorations made me sick to my stomach. How can I celebrate when he's gone? Just thinking about it nearly drops me to my knees. 
I just want to pinch myself and wake up from this nightmare. I want my family back. I want my life back. I want to see my son celebrate his 19th birthday. And his 21st, his 30th, his 50th... I want this pain to stop. I want to hug my boy and tell him I love him. Is that really so much to ask for? 

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Joys of Crafting...

I've talked about my craft addiction before. I've told you how much I enjoy having a constant outlet for my creative juices. (They tend to get out of hand if you don't direct them at something.) But I don't think I've ever talked about the true joys of crafting. Let me elaborate...
When you get a brilliant idea for a craft at 3:30 in the morning, and cannot fall asleep because your mind won't stop running through all the supplies, etc. Craft joy.
When you think you have everything you need to complete an awesome project, only to realize half way through that you are missing one thing. Craft joy.
When you run the vacuum three times, but still can't get the glitter out of your carpet. Craft joy.
When you burn yourself 18 times with your glue gun, on one thing. Craft joy.
When you see an awesome craft on Pinterest and grab your purse and keys to run to Hobby Lobby to get everything you'll need. Then realize it's Sunday. Craft joy.
When you have paint on every item of clothing you own. Craft joy.
When every single person you know thinks you are their personal crafter for every random project they can think of, or have seen on TV or pinterest. Craft joy.
When people tell you "better ways" to do a project that you have been making for years. Craft joy.
When you find glitter, paint, glue, etc. in strange places, and have no logical explanation for how it got there. Like your underwear, or inside the freezer. Craft joy.
When you're selling your crafts at a show and people talk about how "they could make that" right in front of you. And then proceed to ask you exactly how you made it. Craft joy.
When all available space in closets, cabinets, etc. in your home is taken up with supplies or finished projects, but you're still crafting. Craft joy.
But the biggest one of all. When you go through all of the above, but you still get excited to make crafts. That is real, genuine CRAFT JOY. That is when you know you've got it bad...

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Grief: Season 2

I get asked "How are you?" or "How are you doing?" a great deal these days. And as much as I am so very grateful for the care and concern behind the question, I honestly don't know how to answer it. To most people, I say "Fine." or "Doing ok." because that is the easiest response, and generally what people want to hear. To the ones who I think honestly want to know, I have no answer. Or at least not one that can easily be put into words. The real answer is that I am a mess. I may look put together on the outside, but inside is an entirely different story. I have learned to fake being normal quite well. For the most part, I can go about my business and do everyday things while keeping my emotions in check. 'For the most part' being the key phrase there. But the truth is, I feel anything but normal. To be honest, I am not even sure what normal is anymore, and I doubt I will ever feel normal again. So what do I feel? I feel.... like a shell. My body looks the same as it always did, but now it is just a mask. A costume of me. I am merely an actress playing the part of Teena. At least that's how it feels most of the time. The pain is all consuming. There is nothing that I see or do that doesn't bring up thoughts of my son. And even the happy thoughts and memories are accompanied by pain. I am constantly torn between wanting to remember and trying to forget. I want to remember him as he was, and forget that he is gone. I want to see his smile, and forget how he looked in the hospital. I want to recall all the good, and forget the bad. I want to live in denial of the fact that he isn't coming home, but I can't. I want to scream to the Heavens and beg for him back, though I know that it will do no good. This is my constant internal struggle. I want to honor my promise to him, and try and find the joy in life again, but it is so hard. So I get up, and go with the motions. I may even laugh or smile and joke, but I don't feel it. Not really. I just feel empty.
Next week is Thanksgiving. A day to give thanks for all that we have, for the blessings in our lives. I don't feel very grateful these days. I'm sure I should. I still have a lot to be thankful for, but I don't care about any of it. Thanksgiving is also the official start to the holiday season. A reminder that Christmas is right around the corner. I am not celebrating it this year. I just can't. It's too painful. December is probably going to be the hardest month yet. Zachary would've been 19 on December 4th. Instead we will mark the 4 month anniversary of his passing. Not exactly cause for celebration. There won't be balloons and cake. No singing Happy Birthday and teasing him about being old enough to drink in Canada now. Nothing. Just a never ending sadness. Follow that up with Christmas? No thanks. Just being in the stores and seeing all the decorations and stuff is incredibly difficult. I don't want to hear the music. I don't want to see the lights. My list to Santa is short. I only want one thing. I want my son back. Nothing else matters. So I plan on skipping it this year. And maybe every year from now on.
So if you are reading this, I apologize in advance for my lack of cheer and jolliness. If you come to our house, don't expect to see a tree, or festive decor. You won't be getting a card from us either. We still love you, and hope that you have a wonderful holiday, but you'll just have to forgive us if we don't seem real into it. Please just be understanding, and try not to think too harshly of us if we choose to skip your dinner or party, as well. I will try to keep my feelings to myself, but if they slip out from time to time, try not to judge me.
My Boy Child and I in our ugly sweaters. Christmas 2011. Our last Christmas together...

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

A New Day

It's Wednesday morning, the day after the election. I open my facebook newsfeed to see endless negativity and hate. All because one man beat another man in a popularity contest. Is this high school or America?? 
This isn't about who has the better hair, who looks better on camera, or even who is right or wrong. Elections have become a giant pissing contest. Instead of talking about what they plan to do for our nation, they end up focusing on slandering each other. Debates are arm wrestling matches between two giant children. Political ads are catering to idiots with ugly lies and half truths. This needs to end. Democrat or Republican, I don't care. We are all on the same team. This is America. At the end of the day, we all want the same thing. Health, happiness, a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, the comfort of knowing we are safe in our own homes, job security, a good, solid education for ourselves and our children and freedom. Does that about cover the basics? Rich, poor, christian, atheist, gay, straight, black, white, male or female. We all want the same things. Are we really so selfish that we cannot see that? Is it honestly acceptable to think that one group of people deserves more or better than another? Because I'm pretty sure Hitler thought the same thing. Are we striving to be like him? Our ancestors came to this land and started this country on the idea that everyone deserves to be equal. That freedom meant you wouldn't be persecuted for your individual beliefs. That a nation could be run not by a religious group, or a rich king, but by the people. We are those people. We fought long and hard for these rights, yet we forget what they really mean. We are in this together. We are a team. And there is no I in team. Remember in school, when you were taught that it's not about winning or losing, that it's how you play the game? That afterwards, you shook hands with the other team and said "Good game." and you meant it. That was being gracious. A term that we are growing very unfamiliar with in this country. And don't get me started on teamwork. Even Michael Jordan knew when to pass the ball. In almost every team sport there is offense and defense. They have two different jobs, they do very different things, but they are on the same team. They work towards the same goal. Is this concept so insane? Why can't political parties do the same thing? Aren't we all working towards the same goal? Don't we all want those same things I mentioned before? Then why are we fighting each other? There is this thing called compromise. Maybe some of you are familiar with it. It's where two groups work together to come up with a plan that works towards the benefit of everyone. Yes, everyone. Not just a few. Is this really so hard? Maybe if we stopped fighting each other so much and spent less time worried about who is right or wrong, and winning or losing, and more time compromising, things would actually get accomplished. That's crazy talk, I know. Instead of trying to convince the world that your beliefs/views are the ONLY ones, how about focusing on the bigger picture. If you think having good and affordable medical care is the bottom line, then stop bickering over whether or not it covers birth control or abortions and make it happen. Leave the rest up to the people. Don't believe in abortion? Great, then don't get one. It doesn't mean it can't or shouldn't be an option. You don't see the blind lady bitching that her insurance covers glasses, do you? No, because it doesn't affect her, so why should she care? Basic wants and needs are universal. Marriage is the legal commitment of ones love. That's the bottom line. Oh, so your personal religion believes that marriage is only between a man and a woman? Then don't hold gay weddings at your church. Simple as that. But withholding another human's rights based on your personal beliefs is exactly what we came to this country to avoid, is it not? Then why are we still even talking about these things? Your personal beliefs, religious affiliations, and sexual preferences are your own to sort out. Not mine, or anyone else's. They should never even be brought into debate on a public scale. Doing this makes us no better than the men who burned women at the stake for being witches because they bled when they were stabbed. And it makes just about as much sense. Government cannot control everything, nor should it. There is fact and opinion. Politics should deal in facts. Period. Are you entitled to your opinion? Yes. But, guess what. So is everyone else. Are we going to agree on everything? Not a fat chance. But that's the beauty of it. We don't have to. But we do have to live together. So why not do it in peace? Why not compromise and give everyone the chance at having a good and happy life? Why can't we agree to disagree on the unnecessary details, and just do what is best? Is this really so hard? Stop and take a second to examine your life. Are all your friends the same sex as you? Are they all the same religion? Do you all make the same amount of money? No? Well fancy that. You have different views and lifestyles, yet you are still friends. You probably argue from time to time, but you still love each other. You agree to disagree. You compromise. See! We ARE capable of this. If we can do it on a small scale, then it is really so hard to do it on a large one? 
"Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." It's as simple and basic as that. 

Monday, October 29, 2012

The End is Near???

According to the Mayan calendar, we are just a little less than two months away from the end of time. December 21, 2012. 
For some, this is nothing but hogwash, but for others, they have been preparing and planning for this for years. Shelters, food stashes, weapons, etc. 
Me, I'm not sure what I believe...
I've done a bit of research into it and found some interesting information. According to some believers, the end will be brought on by an onslaught from Mother Nature. Earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, fires and more will wreak havoc on the land until there is nothing left. This makes me a tad nervous...
Natural disasters are at a record high. Even as I type this, a hurricane of unknown proportions is headed toward the east coast. California is on alert for wildfires and there are earthquakes in Canada, just to name a few. I'd love to just shake my head and say "Bah! Those crazies are always yelling apocalypse!" But the last thing I want to hear whilst being attacked by zombies is "I told ya so." So maybe, just maybe, we should consider the possibility. I mean, is it so insane to have a well stocked first aid kit and a full tank of gas?? And maybe some granola bars and bottled water, too? Don't be silly, that's just common sense. But let's say I wanted to be even more prepared... you know, hypothetically speaking, of course. What would a gal do? I'm not even sure of the best things to have in an apocalyptic situation. Lots of toilet paper would be a good thing, I imagine. Just for kicks, I Googled 'emergency preparedness'. I found kits for hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, wilderness and on the go. But nothing for zombie attacks or end of times. You would think this would give me some comfort. If there are no kits, then no one must really be taking this seriously, right? Or maybe I'm not the only one who doesn't know what to pack. I find this upsetting. Normally, I am a great packer. Prepared for anything. But this is different. Will the end be cold or hot? I certainly won't need formal wear, but what shoes do I bring? Lipgloss is a must, but I suppose the hair dryer is overkill. Extra socks and undies of course, boy shorts, not thongs. And what about food? Canned goods and peanut butter of course, but how do I choose what snacks I want? I mean, zombie killing is quite the workout, so high energy foods are important. But after a long day of building shelters and hunting dinner, don't I deserve a nice treat? Skittles don't take up that much space. And what about creature comforts? Is there room for my iPod? A few books? How will I sleep with only one pillow?? 
Toothbrush, feminine hygiene and a razor are musts. And let's not forget tools. Tools for cooking, building, repairs and more. 
This is too stressful. I suppose if you forget something, you can always raid abandoned homes or stores, right? It's not stealing, it's survival, don't judge. And is it better to work in groups, or go solo? More people means more brain power and problem solving, but it also means more supplies used, and I am NOT sharing my Skittles. Probably selective teams is best. At least until things get more stabilized. Maybe I am over thinking this. But better safe than sorry. At least if it happens, we won't have to celebrate Christmas...

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Time

I've always thought about time as a measurement of where we are in a given space. Are we 3 hours into a day? Or maybe 3 days into a month? Three months into a year? And so on... But since August 3rd, time has taken on new meaning to me. 
I now look at time as a distance. Am I closer to the end or the beginning? Now sometimes, this is a general thing, like am I closer to the end of the day or week, but more often than not, it is a reflection on life itself. My son was so close to the beginning of his life when it was ripped from him. 18 years is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Which begs the question, where am I in the grand scheme? Is 33 closer to the beginning or the end of my time? A few months ago, I would've instantly said the beginning. Now, I am just not so sure. Some days it feels closer to the end. Or maybe it's really that some days I just WANT it to be. Once my son became a part of my life, I never even thought of the possibility that he wouldn't be in it. Now, I have this unknown and possibly long future ahead of me, and it feels wrong. Why am I allowed 33+ years, and he wasn't? Why did I get to fall in love and share my life with someone and he didn't? Each thing I do now is overshadowed by the thought that my son will never get to do it. How does one get past that? DOES one get past that? 
Time is a funny thing. I look outside and see the seasons changing. I see kids growing up and adults growing old. I know time is passing. But in a lot of ways for me, time stopped on August 3rd. When I walked in that hospital room and saw my son, I knew life was forever changed. Logically, I know that time has passed. But emotionally, I feel trapped in a time warp. Every time I close my eyes at night, I see his face. I relive that night. Each morning when I wake up, I remember he is gone. It's like an endless loop. The days pass, but I'm just not sure I really notice. They all seem the same to me now. Yes, some are better or worse than others, but that's about it. I find myself saying "What day was that?" a lot now. I've missed loved ones birthdays and anniversaries. Holidays mean nothing anymore. Time is passing all around me, but I feel left behind. My friends and family are great, and they have been endlessly supportive, but at some point, they too will move on. They will go back to their normal routines and their lives. I no longer have a normal routine or life. Now I am the crazy woman crying in her car at a stoplight. Or the weirdo getting emotional at the grocery store over a bag of cheese balls. This is my new routine. I go through life one minute at a time now. Each day is a test of my will. Can I make it through this without breaking down? What will trigger me today? What will I say if someone asks me if I have kids? This is my new life. There is the me that everyone sees. She laughs, she jokes, she goes about her business. She seems fine. Then there is the real me. The one who is fighting just to get out of bed each day. The one who struggles with things like making pancakes because it reminds her too much of him. The one who talks aloud to her dead son and begs him to come to her in her dreams. 

Time is a funny thing, because no matter what each of us is going through, time doesn't care. It still keeps moving on. The clock keeps spinning, the days and years will pass whether we want them to or not. And maybe, in time, I will find some kind of peace. I guess only time will tell...
                                                                 (My son, Zachary.)

Monday, October 8, 2012

Ahhh....Fall.



Fall. My favorite time of the year. There is just something magical about it. From the ever changing colors, to the scent in the air, it is filled with beauty.
I have always preferred fall to other seasons. Spring is great. It offers a welcome reprieve from the bleakness of winter, and the rebirth of plants is always nice. Summer is awesome. I love the heat and the fun of summer. Long days and warm nights make for so much fun. Winter sucks. Sorry, but you can preach about the frozen beauty and holidays all you want, they do nothing for me. I loathe being cold and winter is simply too much work. From getting up early to scrape, shovel and defrost, to all the obnoxious bundles of clothes to simply keep  your teeth from chattering. Winter can suck it. But Fall... Oh joyous Fall. YOU are the season of my heart. The colors are beyond belief. I have lived in Michigan all my life, and I NEVER tire of seeing this magic happen. The palette of fall is rich with reds, oranges and yellows. It is breathtaking in its glory. And it changes literally day to day. It's like waking up to a whole new world. I love it. I now live in an apartment, so I don't get to rake, but I miss it. No really, I do. Mostly, I miss raking the gorgeous leaves into giant piles and jumping in. (Oh yes, I still do this.) It brings back the kid in me, and I doubt I will ever not enjoy this simple pleasure.
Fall is pure magic. The weather is perfect for being outside. Jeans, a comfy hoodie and your favorite boots are the preferred outfit. Days spent at cider mills enjoying warm cider and caramel apples. Nights in front of a cozy fire. There is nothing bad about fall. And let's not forget Halloween. The BEST holiday of all time. Yeah, I said it. The best. You can take Christmas and its overdone, wasteful, commercialized "joy" and stick it where the sun don't shine. (Oh that's right, it's during winter, so that could be anywhere.) Halloween is where it's at. Let's just hit a few key points:
1. There's candy. And lots of it.
2. The decorations are a hoot.
3. You get to dress up. This means you can be anything or anyone you want. Seriously... how great is that?!
4. Did I mention there's candy?


So yes, I ADORE Fall. I love it. I would marry it and have its red, orange and yellow babies. I wish it could last longer, but alas... that is all part of the allure. You have to enjoy it while you can, because it WILL be gone quickly. And then it's winter.... Gross.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Inside the Creative Mind

I love it when people say to me, "You are so creative!" I love this for many reasons. First, the obvious... it's a nice compliment. But also because they usually say it with a shake of the head that means they just don't understand how you do it. This I like, because it's a reminder that not everyone is creative. Sometimes in the craziness of life, things like creativity can be taken for granted or completely ignored.
Now for me, I don't have many talents or skills. I am smart, but far from a genius. I have enough athletic grace to not fall on my face, and to be able to catch a ball, but you certainly won't see me in the Olympics anytime soon. I don't play an instrument, I'm terrible at math, I am far from a super model, and my culinary skills merely keep my husband and I fed. So... I am proud of my creativity. It makes me... well... me. But it also makes me different. Now I personally have never considered this a bad thing. But growing up different is not always easy. And even being a different adult is not always a cake walk, either. People don't always understand or accept different. But I am different, and I am perfectly ok with that. But for those of you who cannot understand this, let me enlighten you a bit...
Here are a few things to remember when dealing with a creative minded individual:
1. We sometimes look different. Not all creative people fall into this category, but certainly some do. We prefer to create our own style. From our hair, make-up and clothes, to our cars, houses and even pets. We tend to not fit the mold.
2. We think differently. Creative people see the world through a different light. Where some may see trash, we see potential. To others, it's just a white wall, but to us, it is a blank canvas just begging for our attention. You may write a sentence, but we prefer to write an emotion. We don't just "think outside the box", we have no idea why you would ever even have a box.
3. We live differently. Although it may seem like going to work, paying your bills, mowing your grass, and everyday activities are "normal", to the creative person they are just background. We know they must be done, but sometimes they fall to the wayside or get in the way of our inspirations. Most creative people don't care how big or fancy their surroundings, just that those surroundings make us happy. We prefer homes and cars with character over ones that would impress others. We rarely care what others think.
4. We act differently. We don't always react the way other people do. Sometimes we see situations from another angle, or we try to see the positive side, even when that isn't always the easiest. More often than not, we are outgoing and affectionate, even with strangers. To some, this is odd. To us, it is perfectly normal. Creative people tend to think and act with their heart more than their mind. (This is not always a good thing, by the way.) 
These are just a few things to remember when dealing with a creative person. And because everyone is different, not all of these will apply to each of us. But it is safe to say that if you are of a creative mind, you will certainly be able to relate to at least a few. 
So for those kids (and adults) who like to color outside the lines, or wear stripes with polka dots, or sing your own lyrics to a song... it's OK. Never be ashamed of being unique. Being creative IS something to be proud of. You don't have to paint a masterpiece, or write the next great American novel to be special. You already are. You are special because you make the world more colorful, fun, inspiring and exciting just by being in it. So rock your creative side. Share your talent with the universe and be proud of being different. Stand out from the crowd, because you are one of a kind and you are AWESOME!

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Craft Show

I am wrapping things up for my very first official craft show this weekend. With everything that has happened these past few weeks, I am surprised I even want to go through with it, but strangely, I do. Zachary was so excited for me, and he genuinely loved my crafts, that I feel like I owe it to him to do this.
I know he'll be watching over me and I hope I do him proud. Aside from my son, my crafts are one of the few things that I am truly proud of. Not only do I wholeheartedly enjoy making them, I feel honored when someone chooses to purchase something I made for their home or as a gift. I have never considered myself an artist, but I have always had a tendency towards all things creative. Being able to not only make, but also sell the items I create, gives me a good feeling of accomplishment. One that no other job I've ever had (except being a parent) gives me.
I am dedicating this first show to my son, and I hope that it is a success. Although, I know even if I sell nothing, he would still be proud of me for trying. That's just who he was. It will be strange to do this without him, but I will carry him with me in spirit and in my heart, and I will do my very best to honor his memory.
Thank you, Boy Child, for always supporting (and sometimes helping) my creative side. It always made me happy to know that you thought it was so cool, and would brag about it to people. I will miss having you as my favorite crafting partner... Trips to Hobby Lobby will never be the same. Love you, kid. Wish me luck on Saturday...

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Grief

Wow... it's been awhile. So much has happened in such a short amount of time... Where do I even begin?
On August 3, 2012 (exactly 25 days ago) my son, Zachary was in a car accident. On August 4, 2012, he passed away due to his injuries. At 18 years old, he had his entire life ahead of him. He had just graduated high school (Cum Laude) and was preparing to start college in September. I could go on and on about what an amazing young man he was, and how many lives he touched. This is an endless list. But that is not why I am writing today. Today I want to talk about Grief. (Yes, I believe it deserves a capital G...)
When you lose a loved one, you go through a series of emotions. Anger, guilt, hurt, loneliness, etc. When you lose a child, you experience all of those same emotions, but they are hard to identify because they are overshadowed by one major thing. Emptiness. In one split second your life is over. Your reason for each breath is gone. The pain is indescribable, and only one who has felt it can understand. But above all that, looms a terrible, crushing emptiness. I know my heart still beats, because I am alive, but I am nearly certain there is a hole where that organ used to be. My soul is gone. I see the same face when I look in the mirror, yet is is vastly different. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, mine are closed. Permanently. I am followed by what feels like a physical black hole. It sits there, just at the edge of my consciousness, begging me to fall in and never come out. And it is oh so tempting... One of the very first things you experience when you lose a child is the contemplation of suicide. (And maybe this was just me.) The idea of never seeing, hearing or holding your child again is unimaginable and impossible to accept. The easiest and fastest solution to that problem is to join them in the hereafter. Sounds crazy, right? 26 days ago, I would have agreed. But in that moment, when your entire world falls apart, it seems as logical as breathing. For me, that moment passed as soon as I looked at my husband. In that moment, the only other person in the world I cared about was him. And the idea of hurting him even a little was just too much to bear. Had I known in that moment that he was fighting the same internal battle, who knows what would have happened. But luckily, neither of us knew that.
Now, don't get me wrong, we are NOT suicidal. It is just that initial emotional impact that sends you into a place so dark, it would be easy to never come out. We opted to fight back. I made a promise to my son that I would take care of his father. I promised him that I would keep living and keep fighting. I fully intend to keep that promise. But understand, this is not an easy road. Grief is the most unfair enemy. It plays by no rules, and it takes no prisoners. Grief takes its toll on every aspect of your existence. It effects you in ways you could not have imagined and holds on tightly. This is something that I want people to understand. When you lose a child, you do not just grieve. This is not a loss like a parent, a friend or a pet. (Yes, people try to compare losing a dog or cat to what you are experiencing.) This is a loss that has no equal. Period. So PLEASE do not try to tell a Grieving parent that you "understand" what they are feeling, unless you yourself have lost a child. While I am on the subject, here are a few other suggestions:
*Do not say "They are in a better place." To a parent, there is no such thing as a better place than with your child. They belong with you and that is it.
*Do not say "God works in mysterious ways." or for that matter, any trite religious quote. Not everyone finds solace in religion, or the Lord, and if you do, great, but do not assume that a Grieving parent does as well.
*Do not say "It must have been their time." Really? I didn't realize my child had an expiration date. I would really have appreciated that memo...
*Do not ask if we have other children. I realize your intention may be innocent, but all a Grieving parent hears is "Well... at least you have a replacement." On that note, it's also NOT a good idea to suggest they have more children. Like you can simply replace the one you lost. This may work with pets, but not with children.
*Also, this is one instance where silence is NOT golden. Saying nothing is worse than saying ALL of the above. Any attempt at comfort is better than no attempt. A simple, "I am thinking of you." or "Sending you hugs." or "I love you." is wonderful. NO ONE likes to deal with death. So don't use the "I'm just not good in these situations." to make yourself feel better about doing nothing. One thing a Grieving parent learns quickly is that people can be cut out of your life very easily. Suddenly, a lot of things (and people) are not nearly as important as they once seemed, and the fastest way to be on that list is to do or say nothing.
*Support means EVERYTHING. A call, a text, a facebook message, a drop in, a lunch date, a simple smile and hug mean more than you will EVER know. A parents Grief does not end when the funeral does. It NEVER ends. So just because you have moved on, does not mean that they have.
These are just a few simple suggestions to help people understand what we are going through. These are by no means accusations, or even black and white guidelines. Every person and every parent is different. And even Grieving parents understand that this is a difficult issue to deal with for outsiders. We do try to see past the faux pas, and try to understand where people are coming from. That being said, we are also human, and can and may freak out on occasion. Please don't hold that against us. We love you, and know you are doing your best.
It is also important to note that just because a Grieving parent is attempting to go about doing normal things, that DOES NOT mean we are back to normal. We no longer have a normal. We may smile, laugh, joke, work, go out to dinner, take trips, etc, but 99.9% of what you see is merely an act. We are TRYING to learn to live again, and we may have to fake it sometimes. Please do not take this personal. It is just what happens. We still want to do things, so please don't stop inviting us. Though we may sometimes decline, we may also accept. You just never know. Our emotions and nerves are well past frayed and raw and somewhere in the category of a live wire. You just never know what may trigger a break down. It could be something as simple as a word, a place or a type of food. We have no idea. And when it happens, it is out of our control. The emotions just take over. We apologize in advance for this. It will be awkward and embarrassing for everyone involved. Sorry.
I suppose I will try to wrap this up (for today at least) and just say this; Grief sucks. No one asks to lose a child, and NO ONE knows how to deal with it, least of all the Grieving parents. So just be understanding and patient and generous with the hugs. That is all we ask...

Monday, July 9, 2012

What is the World Coming To?

I remember growing up and hearing my parents and grandparents say that the world was "Going to Hell in a handbasket." Well... I still have no idea what a handbasket is (Do you collect hands in it?) but I have to agree with the going to Hell part. With all the amazing advancements in technology and medical procedures, I am grateful to be a part of this day and age, but that doesn't mean I don't miss the simple ways of the past. Even for me, a mere 32 years old (Yes, I said mere.) I can see the changes, and they aren't all for the best. With the new technology, we are forgetting the basics. When was the last time you received a hand written note? Seriously, take a moment and think about it... It's probably been awhile, right? Invitations are now via email or facebook, Birthday messages are by text or voicemail and I can't remember the last thank you note I received. I'm not even sure kids are taught handwriting in school anymore. If they are, they are doing a terrible job at it, because this younger generation has the handwriting skills of a drunk doctor having a seizure. It's pathetic. We use technology so much that we rarely use our actual brains anymore. Now don't get me wrong, I rely on a calculator to do my math for me, but I could still use my fingers (and toes) if I had to.
And don't even get me started on reading and grammar skills. "b rt thr" is NOT a complete sentence. And what's with all the acronyms? I get it, they're faster to type, but now we use them whilst speaking?? I mean, WTF? I'm not even sure kids these days know what a book is. I don't mean a Kindle, I mean a real life, paper paged, actual book. No one even reads them anymore. Now they read the shortcuts or skim the electronic version. OR, they just Google it and find out someone else's opinion and claim it as their own. And coming from someone who had to suffer through "the classics" in school, I find this highly offensive. Would I have preferred to shortcut through them? Sure. But I am glad that I didn't have that opportunity, because now, as an adult, I not only have excellent reading and comprehension skills, but I can quote lines from literature and it makes me sound smart. (Not that I am stupid, mind you.)
But I digress... These are just a few of the basic skills that the younger generations have lost. There are SO many more. Dressing oneself, for instance. Now, I am all for expressing your own style, but there is a time and place for it. Weddings, funerals, work, etc. are all NOT the place. It's called tact. You dress (and act) in an appropriate manner for certain occasions. If you want to look like a homeless hooker, that is your right, but the rest of us have a right not to see it. And parents, seriously? It is OK to tell your children no from time to time. Like when your 11 year old wants a spray tan, or to dye her hair for example. It is a parent's job to teach your children what is appropriate. You aren't "Stifling their creativity" or anything by telling them that their underwear shouldn't be hanging out of their pants. Give them a belt and an art set and let them express themselves in better ways. We as a society have gotten so soft that we are afraid to upset anyone, including our own children. Well it's high time we got over that. Disappointment is a part of life. People will tell you no and mean it. You will NOT be good at everything you try. You will not always be accepted by everyone. People can be cruel. Learn to deal with it. You know why it's good to learn these lessons? Because they help us grow and learn. If you try something and fail at it, that's ok. Try something else. Eventually you will find your niche. People will be mean to you. It's not the end of the world. Those people will wash your car someday. Suck it up, toughen up and move on. Find people who are kind and treat you right and cherish them. If you never learn these lessons, then you will never become strong, independent, motivated and empathetic adults. Life is not all sunshine and roses and the sooner you learn to accept that, the better off you will be in the long run. Childhood is merely a stepping stone in life, so unless you want your 45 year old child living in your basement, playing video games and "expressing themself" forever, start being more realistic as a parent. I'm not saying you should be abusive or brutally honest, but you can tell your child no and that it's ok not to be perfect. Will they be mad? Probably. But being a parent is a hard job, and like life, it isn't all sunshine and roses. But someday, when they are happy, well adjusted, successful adults, they will thank you. Or at the very least, live in their own homes and do their own laundry.
I guess the point I am trying to make here is this: Life doesn't have to go to Hell in a handbasket. We can raise a generation to be proud of. We can BE a generation to be proud of. If we just started living simpler, working harder, being more understanding and using our God given brains, we could do even more amazing things.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Redneck Chic

So I have been crazy busy the last month or so planning my son's Open House. But now that it is over (and was a huge success) I am ready to get back to creating new things.
 I started a brand new line to the Berry Favorite Things collection. It is called Redneck Chic. It is an assortment of accessories, jewelry & more made with caps from your favorite beers. I am just getting rolling on this line, so there isn't a great deal out yet, but I am very excited and have TONS of ideas.
The line will include hair accessories, jewelry, purses, shoes & more. I can't wait to see the response this brings.
The Redneck Chic line is for ladies with a great sense of humor and unique style. The pieces are all handcrafted and make excellent conversation starters. They would be perfect for concerts, bars, ladies nights, bachelorette parties and more. The prices vary based on the item, but they are very affordable.
To see the line, along with other items I make, please visit my facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Berry-Favorite-Things/168231363272448
Thank you for supporting local artists and crafters!

Friday, June 8, 2012

Jewelry

I am a big (big) fan of fun, funky, gaudy, chunky, bright colored, shiny, blingtastic jewelry.
I have at least 1-2 pieces of it to match almost every outfit, and I get it everywhere from jewelry stores to garage sales. Sometimes jewelry makes or breaks a look, and it can take an emsemble from drab to fab or casual to elegant instantly.
I have been making my own jewelry since grade school, and though I don't make it as often as I used to, I still get the occasional itch to whip something up. Lately, I have been making bracelets out of lace, ribbon, buttons and random odds & ends. They range from elegant to funky, and I am loving them.
Here is a pic of my latest (and current fave) one.


Thursday, May 31, 2012

May Projects

Here are just a few of the projects I whipped up this past month. :)

This is a magnet board with several hooks, that a customer requested to display her jewelry on. I love the colors in this one.

These are some lace & button bracelets that I made for my niece and I to wear for Memorial Day. They were such a hit, I will definitely be making more.

Small, lighthouse cork board for my Mother-in-law. She wanted one that she could use in her RV. The colors are so classic, and I love that some Michigan lighthouses are visible. :)

I am such a huge fan of bright, bold colors and patterns. This fabric is to die for & the deep purple board is gorgeous. The jeweled detail along the bottom adds just the right touch. This cork board will look great in any room.

Red and black are my favorite colors, and they look so classy together. The pattern in the fabric is so classic, and paired with a bold color and the glittery black trim, it is just stunning. Another gorgeous cork board.

The retro colors and fabric in this cork board are so fun and funky. I can see this in a kitchen, or dorm room, or really anywhere. I just love this one.

Handcut & handpainted with embellishments. This decorative wall art with hanging pegs is so cute and full of whimsy. Would look great in a girl's room or nursery. The combination of the pink & green is so popular right now, and I love it.

Wine and wine related items are so popular right now. This is the third wine themed cork/magnet board I have made this month. The rich colors in this fabric are gorgeous, and the matching cork tacks are just too cute.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Pinterest Addict

For those of you who are not on Pinterest, I am so sorry. For those of you who are. Hello, my name is Teena, and I have a Pinterest addiction. (insert chorus of "Hi Teena's" here)
Pinterest is a place where you create boards for everything you could ever fathom and 'pin' things to them. Sounds simple and almost silly, right? WRONG! It's pure genius! Have you ever wanted a giant cork board where you can pin every recipe you would like to try? Or maybe a place to store pics that make you laugh, or inspire you to work out? Planning a wedding or a party & need a spot to not only find great ideas, but save them too? PINTEREST IS IT!
Whatever brilliant mind (It had to be a woman.) created this magical, wonderful world... I bow to your superb wisdom. If Pinterest was a religion, I would be baptized in its glory. It is a slice of birthday cake, wrapped in a hot caramel sundae, dipped in sprinkles with a side of bacon and cookies. It is pure, unadulterated joy. I login and in seconds I am laughing, crying, starving and ready to run a marathon. No other website has the ability to not only suck me in so deeply, but to do it for such incredible lengths of time. There is a phenomenon that occurs the moment you log in to Pinterest. Time no longer makes sense. I call it the Pinterest wormhole. A wrinkle in time, if you will. I start pinning, and before I know it hours have passed. Hours that felt like mere moments. But what joyus, blessed hours they are. It's like a peaceful cocoon of pleasure that wraps around your brain and makes you feel creative, beautiful, smart, funny and a little out of shape but inspired to change.
Then something happens...
You log off and realize that your clothes are hideous, your house is in desperate need of redecorating, you do not have any of the ingredients to be a master chef, your abs look more like a gallon jug than a 6 pack and your children have been waiting for lunch for several hours. The pinning high is gone... It's like a switch has been flipped and suddenly this amazing life you have created on imaginary boards isn't really real. (Although the craving for dessert somehow manages to linger much longer than the inspiration to work out does...) So what do you do? How do you get that feeling back?
You log back in and start pinning. This is the vicious Pinterest cycle. Sadly, there is not yet a 12 step program for this, though I imagine many of us could use it.
If I find one, I'll be sure to repin it...

Thursday, May 10, 2012

My Gnomily

I thought it was time for an update on my gnome family (Gnomily) since they have been going through many changes as of late. Last we talked, Hank had been dating the lovely Willow and things were going great. So great in fact, that they decided to bring a new life into it. They were blessed with a precious little girl, and they couldn't be happier. Her name is Narnia Alice.

Isn't she adorable? Well things were going so well with the new baby, and life in general, Hank & Willow couldn't be happier. Then Hank got a surprise visit from his younger brother Hannibal (Hanni) who needed a place to stay for awhile.

Hanni is a true charcter. He is younger than Hank by a few years, and has always looked up to his big brother. But Hanni is a bit of a rebel. He loves to drink, smoke cigars, and party til the wee hours of the night. He has a big heart, and wouldn't hurt a flea, but he tends to get into mischief that he needs Hank to bail him out of. So, Hank & Willow decided it might be a good idea if he stayed with them for the time being, so they can keep an eye on him. So far so good... Things were going so well that Hank & Willow decided it was time to tie the knot. Being the modern couple that they are, it didn't matter to them that they had a baby first, but since they want to continue to add to their family, they thought it best to make it legal.

So they had a small, private ceremony and were hitched. It was a beautiful affair and the happy couple looked radiant. Of course, Willow was glowing for more reason than one. As it turned out, she was expecting gnomie #2. So shortly after the wedding, they welcomed a new little guy into their lives.

Meet Tolkien. A healthy, bouncing baby boy. The Gnomily was so excited to welcome its newest member. Hank, Willow & Narnia Alice were thrilled and Uncle Hanni couldn't wait to take his new nephew out to help him pick up chicks. The Gnomily was so happy, that Willow's father decided it was time to move in with his daughter and start relishing his role as a Grandpa.


 So Papa Birch came to stay. Willow is so glad her Dad is here, and loves to sit and watch him read to his grandgnomies. He is a very wise and peaceful old gnome, and the rest of the Gnomily is pleased to have him here as well. So after many changes and additions, my little Gnomily is all settled in and enjoying life. Things are going great, though living quarters are starting to get a bit snug, so a new home might be in the works very soon. But for now, they are all very content. Life in Gnomeville is just swell...


So as of now, you are all caught up. But you just never know what will happen...


Monday, April 30, 2012

Just some of my latest projects...

It's been awhile since I added pics of my projects, so I thought I would post some of my latest goods.
This is a wine themed magnet board. By special request from a customer. I also made matching magnets to go with it. I thought it turned out very nice. Can't wait to see it in use.

I recently discovered the magic of Fairy Doors and fell in love with them. I wanted to try my hand at painting one and opted for the woodsy look. I am very pleased with the results. Can't wait to make some more as gifts.

After receiving a special request from a customer for a "fun towel hook" for her boy's bathroom, I created this Froggie Hook. He is hand cut and hand painted, and cute as a button. I am currently in the process of making some new designs.

After the frog turned out so well, I had another request for an owl. Since I love owls, I was pretty excited to do this one. This one is also hand cut & hand painted, but it also has silk floral embellishments added. I am so thrilled with the way this one turned out, I am already making another one, but in different colors. I am also working on several new designs, so keep checking in to see them. Also be sure to check out my facebook page. (Berry Favorite Things)

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Mysteries of Life

Do you ever wonder why an Easter egg is so much better than a regular hard boiled egg? Or why crayons don't come organized by color? These are just some of the things I think about sometimes. I consider them life's little mysteries. Sure, there are real mysteries out there. Like what really happened to Jimmy Hoffa, and what's the deal with the Bermuda Triangle, and they are fascinating as well. But how often in your daily life do you pause and say to yourself "Hmm... What is with all the sunken ships in Lake Superior?" Probably not often.
The real mysteries of life are the weird, wacky and just plain random things we encounter everyday and have no definitive answer for. Oh sure, some people will try and be all smart and make something up, but we know that those are just opinions and not facts, and that those people are morons. We know that when we ask "Why do old people hate loud music, but need to turn Wheel of Fortune up to the highest volume possible?" we aren't really looking for an answer, we are just stating an odd curiousity. We are the Alices of the world. We see a white rabbit in a suit and wonder where he's headed in such a hurry, where others would wonder why is a rabbit wearing a suit. Curiouser and Curiouser is our motto, we mystery lovers. We may seem (mostly) normal on the outside, but inside these heads is a different story. While you are enjoying a nice snack, we are wondering why you are biting into your string cheese like it's a bat at an Ozzy concert. (Seriously, it's called string cheese because you are supposed to peel it into strings.) While you are sitting at your desk, busy with work, we are staring at our pencil wondering who decided that such a tiny eraser would be sufficient enough. We weren't the kids who asked why the sky was blue, or why grass is green, we just wondered why grass couldn't be hot pink, or the sky neon yellow with puffy orange clouds. We were the kids in school who wondered why it's called math if there are letters involved, and if X = 5, then why not just put the 5 there and save everyone all this time. We are the adults who wonder how someone who clearly has less brains than a pet rock ever got elected into office. Twice. The ones who question how a show like 'Jersey Shore' can make it on TV and millions of kids watch it, but the idea of teaching safe sex in schools is considered an outrage.
Life is filled with little mysteries like these, and it's probably best that there are no solid answers, because we probably wouldn't like them anyway. I think it's better I'm left wondering why hot dogs taste so good when I know that they are literally made with ass...

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Heaven's Seamstress

Somewhere up in Heaven, there is a huge, magical sewing room. It is filled with silver and gold threads, and racks of fabrics made from the clouds and sprinkled with shimmering stardust. This is a very special and secret place that not just anyone can see or enter.  This is where angel wings are made.
Not just anyone can make angel wings. Not only do you need to be a gifted seamstress, but you must have a pure and genuine soul. You must be as beautiful inside as out, and you must have a heart as big as the Heavens themselves. You must have a giving spirit, a smile as bright and warm as the sun, and a laugh that would rival the most beautiful music.
This is a very special job. Angel wings must be just right. They are different for every angel, and must fit each one perfectly. Some angels are small, and some are big, but each one needs its own unique set of wings in order to fly to Earth and watch over us.
Every lifetime, God must hand pick someone for this job. It is never an easy decision, and He knows that by selecting this person, He is taking them away from the people that love them. That is why, He also has to consider those people. Are they strong enough to handle it? Can they deal with the loss, and find peace with His decision?  Will they support one another, and find comfort in each other and the memories of their loved one? If He doesn't believe that they can, then He chooses someone else.
Once His decision is made, He calls their soul Home. He gives them a beautiful place in paradise, filled with all the things they loved most, and the opportunity to see their loved ones whom He called before them. Since only a very special person can create magical angel wings, this person is well loved and cared for in Heaven, and held in very high regard. They are given a special place where they can watch over their loved ones, and make sure that they are ok.
I believe that yesterday, God called Home his newest angel wing maker, and as much as it saddens me to lose her, I know that without her, the angels would be without wings, and wouldn't be able to fly to Earth to protect and guard us. I believe that He felt we were all strong enough to survive her loss, and that as long as we had each other, we would make it through. I believe she is looking down from Heaven, with her sister by her side, and she is at peace. She is no longer in any pain and she can run, dance and bowl with the best of them. I believe she is also missing us, but knows that we are in her heart as much as she remains in ours, and I believe that someday, when we are needed in Heaven, she will be waiting for us at the Pearly Gates, with our new set of wings.

Dedicated to Beverly Fratt (Aunt Boo Boo) You will be greatly missed. XOXO

Friday, April 13, 2012

Truth & Lies

From the time we are small, we are told how important it is to tell the truth. How even "little white lies" can lead to bigger and bigger lies, and how these lies can snowball and get out of control. In church we are taught the value and importance of honesty and integrity, and how telling the truth, even if no one believes it, is the most important thing. That all anyone has is their honor, and that the honorable thing to do, is to stand up for what you believe in, and to always hold the truth above all else.
Then at some point in your childhood, you tell a teacher or a parent what someone said or did, just being honest, and you are called a tattle-tale. Then you get even older and you see someone doing something they shouldn't, at your job for example, and you share that information with a boss, and you are called a whistle-blower or a snitch. And let's not forget the time you tell a friend or partner that yes, those jeans do make you look fat, and you are called mean or cruel.
So, are we saying that some lies and dishonesties are ok? Or that the truth is only important when it is convenient or benefits us? Don't get me wrong, we've all fibbed, or withheld little things to protect a person's feelings, or to help ease a situation. But what if those fibs or withholdings aren't protecting anyone? What if those are the very things that someone should hear? What if knowing that tiny bit of information would change the very nature of someone's beliefs or feelings? Is it still ok? How do you know when it is OK to lie? Or when it is OK to tell the truth, for that matter? Is there some rule book, or manual for knowing when to be honest? Because if such a thing does exsist, I think we need to start passing out copies for everyone to read. But since this is my blog, I am going to answer my own question the best way I know how.
It is NEVER OK to lie. Yes, some lies are necessary or even temporarily beneficial, but they are never good. Even the smallest lie can come back and bite you in the ass. Honesty is, and always will be, the BEST policy. It may cost you a job, a friendship, or even your heart & soul, but it will always be the right decision. Because, at the end of the day, the truth will win out, and integrity will stand. It may take days, or weeks, or even years, but eventually, all lies disintegrate and the only thing that remains is the truth. So you just have to decide what side you want to be standing on when it is all said and done.

"Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you're right and you know it, speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth."
- -Gandhi

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Emotions vs. Emoticons

I often find myself ending a text, email or facebook post with an emoticon. A symbol that represents a smile, a frown, a confused look, etc. But what am I really trying to convey? The answer is an emotion. Words can evoke emotion, but they cannot always accurately express them, so we use combinations of symbols to share our moods and feelings. But does a colon and a bracket really give you the same satisfaction as a genuine smile? Maybe it does.
If you are having a bad day and you get a text from a friend or loved one that says "Thinking of u :)" does it make you feel better? Does it give you the same emotional response that hearing those same words and seeing that person smile would? In some cases, I think it does. I know that when I am having a crappy day and I see a funny pic or read a funny post on facebook, that makes me LOL, it does help improve my mood. Maybe not the same way as a face to face conversation and sharing laughter does, but it still helps. Do reading the words "I love you" in an email or text give you the same warmth as hearing them and looking into the eyes of the speaker? Probably not. But does that mean we shouldn't still text it? Not at all. In some cases, the written word may be all we have to communicate by, and any expression of love and friendship is better than none at all.
The problem arises when emoticons replace real emotions. When we forget what our loved ones smiles and frowns really look like because we no longer see them. It's easy to take a second to send a text, or even comprise an email, or to post on someones wall/timeline. But the real stuff comes from sacrificing our time and responsibilities to make that effort in person. To plan a date, or a visit. To sit down and have a real conversation with someone and see the emotions play out in their faces. To hear their laughter, not just read about it. It's during these interactions that real emotion is felt and created. I'm not saying we should drop everything and go visit everyone we know or love, that isn't logical. But it is possible to make real time for people, we just have to accept that it will require more from us than just a few moments of our time. It might mean leaving work a little early, or not watching that TV show you like. But if you get pleasure from a text, imagine how much you would get from a real touch, or hug or smile. It's priceless.
Technology has made our lives so much easier and it has opened up so many new forms of communication and possibilities for relationships. Just a few short years ago, I wouldn't have been in contact with even 1/3 of the people I am now. I love meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends. I love that I can have a completely random chat in the middle of the day with a friend about absolutely nothing. Technology makes these things possible and I am eternally grateful. I always have my phone with me and I rarely go a day without checking my facebook or email. I love the new worlds that these things have opened up for me. They bring me immense pleasure & I do not foresee a future without these things in my life.
That being said, my greatest pleasures in life, my fondest memories, the things I will someday tell my grandchildren about, these things are the real, physical moments. I may show someone a pic of my new baby niece, but I could never express the true joy I get from holding her in my arms and smelling her sweet scent. I may smile as I hang up the phone after a nice chat with a friend, but that smile will never be as big and heartfelt as the one I get from seeing & hugging that person in real life. To hear my son tell me about the new girl he met isn't the same as seeing the look in his eyes as he describes her to me. To read a text from my husband that says "Miss u c u soon" gives me a nice feeling, but it cannot compare to the feeling of seeing him walk through the door and pull me into his arms.
Emoticons are fun, and a great way to show someone you are just teasing, or to add a touch of a flirt, but they are no substitute for emotions. At the end of the day, it is the real smiles or frowns or winks that have the most impact. A sad face at the end of an I'm sorry text can never compare to a genuine tear filled apology.
It may be the thought that counts, but it is the real thing that really adds up. So the next time you are texing a friend, or chatting on facebook, try and make time to get together. Meet for a quick lunch, or have a girls night. Whatever you do, remember that as much as we love our technology, it is not a replacement for real life. So hug your friends, smile at strangers and make time for those face to face conversations, because those are the moments that we truly connect to others, and those are the things that we will remember. People rarely lie in bed at night and fall asleep to the vision of a semi colon and a bracket in their heads...

Monday, April 9, 2012

These are a few of my favorite things...

Well, it is called Berry Favorite Things, so I guess I should share some of my fave things. I will break these down into categories so if you are just scanning this (you should be ashamed of yourself) you can find what you are looking for faster.

Cleaning Products:

Rubbing Alcohol (Works on so many surfaces for a streak free, disenfected shine. Use it on stainless steel with a cotton cloth for a perfect finish.)
Zep Professional Strength Instant Spot & Stain Remover (Works on carpets, upholstery, automotive fabrics and more. Gets out EVERYTHING. Buy it at Home Depot. Seriously, buy it.)
Lysol All Purpose Cleaner (I love all Lysol products, but this stuff is fabulous. It works on counters, toilets, stoves, sinks and even gets soap scum & mildew off of showers. Awesome.)
Febreze (This is my very last step in cleaning. Just spritz all your furniture, curtains, rugs, etc. for a fresh, clean scent. It doesn't disenfect, so use Lysol spray for that, but it just gives everything that "just cleaned" freshness and makes your home smell wonderful.)
Purex Natural Elements Laundry Detergent (I have extremely sensitive skin and most detergents make me an itchy mess. This stuff is wonderful! The Linen & Lilies scent is my fave, but the entire natural line works great. And bonus! It is way cheaper than other natural or sensitive brands.)

Health & Beauty Products:

Suave Professionals Hair (Shampoos, conditioners, hair spray and more. I use many of the products from this line and they work just as good and sometimes better than the more expensive salon brands. I also use Suave lotions and even on my uber sensitive skin, get amazing results.)
Dove Deoderant (With sensitive skin & allergies to many deoderants, it took me a long time to find a brand that not only didn't break me out, but actually kept me fresh all day. This stuff really works.)
Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse Foundation (I have combination skin, so some areas are so greasy, I could lubricate a car, while other areas are dry & flaky. This is the BEST foundation I have found. It comes in many shades, I even mix them to create my own, and it has a gorgeous finish. Lasts all day & is great on sensitive skin.)
Wet n Wild Waterproof megaplump Mascara (I am super picky about my mascara. I require a good brush, no clumping, and long lasting results. This stuff meets all my demands and is $2.99. Just try it.)
Urban Decay eye make-up (From the Primer Potion to the liners & shadows, UD is the best. The colors are vivid and long lasting, they work wet or dry and they are worth every penny.)

Random Household Items:

Rust-Oleum Painter's Touch Ultra Cover spray paint (Hands down the BEST spray paint. It drys crazy fast, covers in virtually one coat, sprays at any angle and works on any surface. Also, it's less than $5 a can. I use a lot of spray paint in my crafting, and this is my #1 go to kind. The gloss is so shiny, you would swear it was still wet. Love, love, love it!)
Little Trees auto air freshners Cotton Candy scent (Greatest scent EVER! Just go buy them, you will not regret it.)
Bic Pens (I do a lot of writing, and am very fussy when it comes to my pens. Bic makes a great, inexpensive pen. Buy a 10 pack and hide them, you will not want to share.)
Colonial Candles (I am a candle addict. I burn them everyday, all day. I love to try new brands and scents and Colonial is the best, hands down. They burn clean and even, they smell amazing and the fun shape of the jar is great for reusing after the candle is gone. Fine Merlot is my fave scent.)

These are just some of the things I use and love. I am getting no money or kickbacks for this, I just like to share good things when I find them. People often ask me what I use or recommend, so I thought I'd share a few. If you try them, let me know what you think, I love to get feedback. Have a great day!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Crazy for Crafts

Hello. My name is Teena and I am a craftaholic. I love to craft. I don't just enjoy it or like it. I LOVE it. I live and breath crafting.
I cannot throw things away without first deciding if I can make something awesome out of it. I love the smell of spray paint and sharpies. I look at fabrics, stickers and ribbon the way a teenage boy looks at porn. I will attempt any craft. Jewelry making, sewing, upcycling... I've done them all.
Thrift shops, garage sales and dollar stores are places of worship. Treasure troves of colorful do-dads and whatnots that have an endless number of uses.
Some people have craft kits or even craft closets. I have a craft room. (Some may call it a laundry room, but I know better.) Baskets, bags and boxes overflowing with supplies just waiting to become something fabulous and useful.
I am a crafter. Crafters look at the world through creative eyes. We don't see twigs and yard debris. We see a nature themed wreath or centerpiece. Everyday household items become new and magnificent things. We thrive on colors and textures. We are artists who's masterpieces are displayed on tables, walls and porches all over the world.
The burn from a high temp glue gun makes us feel alive. We find glitter in our bras and can't explain how it got there. We have at least one glob of paint on every pair of pants we own, but we wear them out to dinner anyway.
We are crafters and we make the world a more colorful, organized place, one Pinterest project at a time.
So yes, I am a Craftaholic. Now give me my glue gun and get out of my way, I have work to do.

The Power of a Good Book

I am a self proclaimed book worm and proud of it. Growing up, I was the skinny, dorky kid with giant glasses and too many books, and I took a lot of crap for it. These days, I'm not so skinny, my glasses fit much better, but I'm still a big dork with a lot of books. (There is no such thing as too many.) The funny thing is, even as an adult, people still want to give me a hard time about reading. I just don't get it...
Books are amazing. They are an adventure, a mini vacation, a magical world and an escape from reality, all wrapped up in one small package that you can hold in your hands. How could you not love that?? When I open a book, I am transported to a different time or place. I meet fascinating people. I learn new things. My imagination gets to run wild, and I get to run away. When life gets stressful, or I get annoyed, my books are my refuge. When I want to be entertained or relaxed, or just for the hell of it, I read. I don't need a reason, I just do it. When people tell me "Oh, I'd love to be able to read, but I just don't have time." I laugh. Those same people spend hours a week in front of a TV and think nothing of it. I don't "make time" to read, I just pick up my book and read. At lunch, on breaks, in the evening, whenever. Yeah, sometimes life gets crazy, and you don't get to read as often as you might like to, but you just keep going. One page, one chapter, one BOOK at a time. I've never regretted reading a book. Even if I didn't like it, I am still glad I read it. Reading keeps the mind sharp, helps improve grammar and vocabulary skills, allows for great conversations and makes me a mean Words with Friends player.
Books are such an important part of my life, and have been for as far back as I can remember. My mother and siblings read to me as a child, and I still treasure those moments. When my son was little, I would spend hours reading to him, and as he got older, we would sit and read together and then talk about it. Even now, at 18, he is a big reader and he and I still share books and discuss them. I love this. I can still quote lines from books I memorized as a child, and sometimes I pull out an old book that I read over & over to my son and read it again and just smile at the memory of him sitting on my lap, begging me to read it again. I have had endless conversations with friends (and strangers) about books we have read, and how they effected us.
I guess some people just don't get it. They would rather see the movie than read the book. (Even though anyone who reads, knows the movie will never do justice to the book.) They would rather spend hours watching mindless television than discover a world they never knew existed. Well, I feel sorry for them. They will never know the joy that a good book can bring. They will never clutch a worn and used old paperback to their chests with tears in their eyes and wish for just one more chapter, or maybe a sequel. They will never start a conversation with a stranger about the book they are carrying and make a lifelong friend. They will never know the adventures, the characters, the stories that live in a world between the pages. Well I do. I know them and I love them, and I cannot imagine life without them.
So here's to a good book, and to all of us proud bookworms out there. Keep reading, my friends.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Unique Bond of Sisters

I talk a lot about my brothers, because they are a very big and important part of my life, but I should also point out that I have an amazing big sister. She is almost 15 years older than me, so our relationship is different than most.
When I was very little, my big sister was my world. She was my hairstylist, my babysitter, my idol and my buddy. She would take me places with her & her friends and she treated me like I was the coolest thing since sliced bread. She & her friends would make me clothes in Home Ec, buy me toys, and teach me lots of new things. I loved every minute of it.
Unfortunately circumstances beyond my control took her from my life for many years. One day I just woke up and she was gone. I didn't know why, I only knew I missed her like crazy. I won't get into the details, let's just say sometimes things happen in a family, and people react harshly. Those reactions can lead to decisions and actions that snowball and greatly effect the people around them. I was too young to understand these things at the time, I only knew that someone very, very important to me was gone. This has a lasting effect on a person. After awhile, I started to realize she wasn't coming back, and I didn't know how to deal with it. I wrote her letters that I couldn't mail, and I slept with her picture under my pillow. I cried a lot. When you only have one sister, losing her leaves a hole that can never be filled.
Luckily for me, many years later, circumstances allowed us to be reunited. It wasn't easy, and with a big age gap, and so many missing years, it took time to rebuild our relationship. But we never gave up. We saw each other as often as we could, and we built a new kind of bond. We learned about each other, and talked about the things we had missed out on in each other's lives. Eventually, we formed a friendship. As I got older, and we had more in common, that friendship grew & it continues to grow to this day. She is more than just my big sister, she is my best friend. We don't talk every day, or even once a week. Sometimes we allow too much time to pass between visits, but we make up for it when we get together. I always know that no matter what, I can count on her to be there. No questions asked. She may not always understand me, or agree with me, but she always loves me. She often tells me I'm crazy, or bitchy, or a pain in the ass, but she does it with a smile and a laugh that tell me she loves me in spite of those things.
My sister never had it easy, but she always fought for what was important and she never gave up. She has a strength of character that is rare, and I admire it. She is far from perfect, and she doesn't try to be, and that is her best quality. She accepts people for who they are, and sees the best in them. She doesn't judge or criticize, and she's always willing to lend a hand to someone in need. She would give the shirt off her back to help a stranger and not think twice.
 Sometimes I wonder what our relationship would be like if we had never been apart. Would she still like me, or would she have grown tired of having her baby sister around? Would we have the same appreciation for one another as we do, for having been seperated? I don't know, and I never will. All I do know is that I have an amazing big sister, and she means the world to me, and I probably don't tell her that enough. So this one's for you, sis. I love you.

 
I don't have a lot of photos of my sissy and I (she's a *tad* camera shy)
but I've always loved this one of us from many years ago. 

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Wedding Planning Advice Part 1

After almost 15 years in the wedding consulting business, I learned a few things. Since wedding season is right around the corner, it seemed like a good time to share some of that knowledge . Since there are a lot of aspects involved in planning a wedding, I am going to do this in a few parts. Today I will cover invitations.
Here are my rules on selecting and ordering your invites.

1. Set a budget and stick to it. It's easy to get sucked in to the elaborate designs and add ons, but more often than not, they aren't worth it. Remember, people just read it and throw it away, so spend that extra money on something more worthwhile, like food or entertainment.
2. Limit your opinions. It is your wedding, so yours is the only opinion that matters. Just like with anything else, people will try to convince you to do this or that, and it only makes it more stressful. You wouldn't let your mother-in-law pick your dress, so don't let her pick your invitations either.
3. Keep in mind that your invitation informs people not only of the time and place, but also the level of formality. If you send them an invitation with a palm tree and a luau look, they will assume it is a casual affair and dress accordingly. If your invitation is very traditional and formal looking, they will show up in suits and dresses. So pick carefully.
4. Be smart when choosing your font. Everyone always thinks you have to select the most decorative styling when it comes to the font, but I recommend the more simple, clean texts. Always look at the complete alphabet in whatever font you are considering. Look at the letters in your names, locations, etc. Does the capital J look like an L? Is the script clear and easy to read? Remember, not everyone has 20/20 vision and older guests especially have a hard time with smaller type, and that's before you add all the curlicues and flare. Also, keep in mind ink color. Yes, pale pink will match your design, but will you be able to read it? Often there is an additional charge for color and black ink is included, so just take that into consideration.
5. Add ons. When it comes to these, I usually say stick with your budget. I do generally recommend response cards, because they are important, but no one likes to open an invitation and have enough paper to write a novel with fall out. Also, the more items you stuff in, the higher the weight, thus added postage costs. So unless they have to choose an entree, skip the menus. Buy your own thank you notes, they are cheaper at the stores and generally offer a wider selection. Maps can be printed at home or Kinkos, Office Max, etc. for much less. Again my advice of keep it simple comes into play.
6. Do your research. If you are ordering online, ask to have a sample mailed to you. Many people describe colors & materiels differently, and you don't want to have a last minute surprise on your hands. Also, be sure to ask about assembly. If your invitation has ribbon, vellum, etc. it may not come complete. This can be a lot of extra work, so make sure to find that out. Also, some stores may have additional charges for shipping, colored inks, extra lines, and more, so be sure to read the fine print and ask questions.
7. Mail them out in time. Standard notice for a wedding invitation is 2 months. If you are having it on a holiday or out of town, where they will need to find a hotel, I recommend adding a month to that, or sending save the dates. Also, some of the new invitation designs are coming with postcards attatched as response cards. These are great, but DO NOT use postcard postage. Postcards are not sent first class mail, and may take weeks or even months to arrive. Use first class postage or skip that design all together.
8. Do what feels right. No two people are the same, so no two weddings should be the same. Keep this in mind when selecting your invites. Maybe you like the traditional design, but prefer a more modern script. Or maybe you want to write your own verse. As long as you include the important information, and stick with your budget, I say go right ahead. This is your guests first peek into your wedding, so don't just settle for ordinary. Be creative, but be smart. And if you have any questions regarding invitaions or anything wedding related, please don't hesitate to ask. I am happy to share my knowledge and experience. Happy Planning!! XOXO