If I Had An Advice Column

People often ask me for my advice on things. I'm not sure if it's with the intention of listening, or doing the opposite, but I'm flattered just the same. I'm far from a role model. But I am brutally honest, so there is that. If you appreciate that sort of thing. If you don't... well then, I'm probably not the right person to talk to.
Anywho, the point is, I'm not exactly qualified to offer advice. But I don't let that stop me. Most of the time the "professionals" like to sugar coat things too much, and that's just not my style.
So today, for your entertainment, I'm offering up my relationship advice. Just to save the haters the trouble, I'll include this disclaimer: I'm not an expert. I AM in a very happy 16+ year relationship though, so take from this what you will.

1. Commitment should not equate giving up. I see this all the time, and rarely with positive results. Just because you've landed your partner, doesn't mean your job is done. You don't get to stop trying now. Yes, it's ok for him to see you without your make-up from time to time, but that doesn't mean that you quit exercising, and live in sweat pants for the remainder of your life either. Look in the mirror. Ask yourself honestly: Would YOU want to have sex with that? If the answer is no, than odds are, your partner doesn't want to either. If you get yourself all done up when you go out, but never for the person you share your life with... that's a problem. Our spouses are the people we should most want to impress. Yet so often, they get the short end of the stick.

2. Jealousy will get you nowhere. It's called the green headed monster for a reason. Because it's not pretty. If you can't and don't trust the person you are with... then you shouldn't be with them. Period. There are no exceptions to this. If you have to stalk your partners social media, check their phone, and constantly question what they're doing, you need to get help. The problem isn't with them, it's with you. Because that means that either A) you've found a reason to be mistrustful, so you shouldn't be with them anyway, or B) you are a psycho jealous person, and are going to push them away with your craziness. Trust is absolutely key in a good, healthy relationship. Without that, you have nothing.

3. Who cares if they look? This goes along with #2 fairly well. I see and hear so many couples fight over their partner looking at or talking to a member of the opposite sex. And God forbid they say they think that person is attractive. (Insert the fires of Hell here) That is so ignorant. It is absolutely normal and natural to appreciate beauty in all its forms. Why is it ok for someone to say they'd sleep with a celebrity if they had the chance, but not the guy or girl next door? Is it because we see celebrities as unattainable, so that makes it ok? If you see a woman with a cute baby, do you automatically want to steal that baby? Or a guy with an adorable little puppy. Do you immediately snatch that puppy? Of course not! You know why? Because that would be stupid. And so is the idea that every person your partner looks at is a threat to you. Being in a committed relationship does not make us stop appreciating attractive people. It doesn't even make us automatically shut off the part of ourselves that flirts and appreciates compliments. The occasional ego boost can be perfectly harmless and even healthy.

4. Do you talk to your partner like you talk to your friends? When you get together with your friends, what do you talk about? Would you have that same conversation with your partner? If the answer is no, why not? Aren't our partners supposed to be our friends too? If you can't share all the things that are on your mind, INCLUDING complaints about each other, with your spouse, then you will constantly be looking to fill that void somewhere else. This leads to the couples I see with totally separate lives. Some time apart is a good thing, and healthy, but if you cannot also enjoy time alone together... that is a problem.

5. Are you still the same person you were before you got married/committed? Are your hobbies the same? Do you still practice the same religion? Do you still maintain friendships that predated your relationship? If you answered no to any of those, ask yourself why. Oftentimes when we are in a long term relationship, we find ourselves changing to accommodate the other person. That's totally normal, and you should do that to some extent. But if you are becoming someone else entirely, that is a problem. I've never liked the popular wedding quote about two people becoming one. Because in my eyes, I can't help but think someone has gone missing. Joining your life with someone else's doesn't mean that you cease to exist. If you like baseball, and your partner prefers basketball, it's fine if you buy a Pistons jersey and start attending games. But if you have to give up the Tigers in order to do it... that's a problem. Couples should try to enjoy each others hobbies, and take an interest in the things their partners appreciate. Not expect one or the other to sacrifice what makes them who they are.

6. Making sex a priority. This is something that I cannot stress enough. Sex is so much more important in a healthy relationship than people give it credit for. Not only is it important for bonding and intimacy, but it's also great for your mental and physical health, self esteem, and more. It is a fact that couples who have sex regularly are happier and healthier overall. There have been countless scientific studies proving this. I hate when I hear couples make excuses for why they aren't having sex. If you have time to watch TV, play on the computer, and bake a cake... you have time for sex. And having kids is not an excuse either. I personally think couples who have kids should have sex even more often. Sex is a natural stress reliever, pain killer, mood lifter, and what parent doesn't need that? And regular sex helps couples stay closer, which has countless benefits for kids. Parents are the first and most important example of relationships that children see. If your kids see happy, affectionate, loving parents, they too will seek out that type of a connection when they grow up. If they see distant, cold, angry parents, that is what they will assume is normal & healthy. Not to mention couples that are closer and more intimate will most likely have better communication and a stronger bond. This comes in handy when raising children, since you should both be on the same team. So have sex. As much as possible. Seriously... just do it.

Ok, so I could go on and on, but then this would be too long, and no one would read it. The point is, there is no such thing as a perfect couple. And what works for one couple may not work for another. But that doesn't mean that some things aren't just basic common sense. Trust, communication, intimacy... those are crucial. Without those things... a relationship just cannot last. At least not happily.
**If you want my advice on relationships, or anything else, please don't hesitate to contact me, and I'll gladly assist in any way I can. ;)

Regrets and Choices

I hear the phrase "No regrets" a lot, and while I appreciate the sentiment, I'm not sure it applies to my life. Or anyone's life for that matter. I think if people were to be truly honest with themselves, they could never really say they had NO regrets. I mean come on... I'm currently regretting the frozen meal I had for lunch. Now I know that's a bit on the lighter side of things, but still, you get my point. I have a great deal of regrets, hindsight being what it is and all. In my youth I made many a regrettable choice, and though I learned a lot, I still wish I had chosen differently. Would I be where I am today without those choices? No. But who knows, maybe I'd be somewhere better. Or maybe I'd be a better person. We'll never know. But I look at things a little differently than others. It's less about not having regrets, and more about accepting those things, and dealing with them the best way you can. Having regrets means I've made mistakes. And even though I learned from them, and ideally, am a better person because of it, I still regret the initial mistake. I'm flawed. We all are. So of course we have regrets.
This brings me to other choices I have made. In 34 years on this planet, I have made and lost many friends. I have cut people out of my life, or accepted my removal from theirs. Some people are not meant to be in your life forever. This doesn't mean that I didn't cherish the time we shared, or that I regret having  had them in my life. They came (and went) for a reason. I accept this. Is it often sad? Of course. It is never easy to let go of people who were once important to you. But sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes I think we try to hold on to the person, when we should just hold on to the memories. Letting go of those people doesn't mean you hate them. It just means you made the choice to love yourself, and remove yourself from a less than ideal relationship or situation. I've never destroyed photos or mementos from my past. Instead I treasure them, as a reminder that each person that comes into my life teaches me something valuable. Gifts that were given in kindness will always remind me of good times with that individual, and even if that person is no longer a part of my present (or future) they were a part of my past, and I will always be thankful for that. Some truths are harder to accept than others, but that doesn't make them any less true. Sometimes being the bigger person doesn't mean forgiving and forgetting. Sometimes it means moving on, and accepting that not all things can be forgiven or forgotten, and being ok with that. It's not about holding grudges. It's about knowing when to say "I deserve better than this." and meaning it. It's about knowing yourself, and what's best for you, and not letting the opinions and assumptions of others sway you.
This is me. This is who I am. Regrets, flaws, mistakes and all. I own it. You may not always like me, and you will more than likely disagree with my choices from time to time. I can accept that. I'm not living my life to please you, or anyone else. In whatever amount of time I have left on this planet, I plan to learn and grow as much as I can. I will make many more mistakes, and I will make many choices that people won't understand. But as long as I know that I am doing the best I can, and choosing what is best for me, I'm ok with that. Because the choices and regrets are my own.

My Unsolicited Advice Part 2: Public/Social Behavior

I believe I've established my level of bluntness. It's often mistaken for bitchy-ness, but I don't think the two are universally entwined. I can be bitchy without being blunt, and vice versa. Though, when giving unsolicited advice, it may come across as both. Oh well... I won't lose any sleep over it. Onward and upward! Today's topic du jour is: Public/Social Behavior. As with the fashion post, I will select 10 points to focus on. For now....
1. Common courtesy. Where oh where have good manners gone?! When did it become popular practice to be rude? These days, the simple act of holding a door for someone is like spotting a unicorn fart. Rare and almost unseen. And what about minding our Ps & Qs? (I still don't know what that stands for, but I know what it means.) Please, thank you, you're welcome, etc. are still magic words. And as much as I loathe being called Ma'am, I fully appreciate the respect behind it. (But, for the record, I prefer Miss, Sugar, Darlin', Young Lady... you get the point.) Common decency is becoming a thing of the past, and I'm not ok with that. Women, if you want to be treated like a lady, start acting like one. Men, if you want a real lady, be a real gentleman. It's just not that hard. Hold doors, be kind to others, give up your seat for someone elderly or pregnant, offer a stranger a hand, and just stop being such an a-hole. Please and thank you.
2. Children. Seriously, parents... what the hell is going on? Do you really think it's a good idea to take your toddler to an R rated film? If I wanted to hear constant screaming through my movie, I would have went to see a slasher flick. And I have no issues with children in restaurants, as long as they stay at their own table. I get it, kids will cry, they'll be loud, and sometimes, they might even throw a fork. But strap them in, and keep that to your own area. Little Annie might be adorable, but I don't want her sticky fingers in my hair, or my soup. This isn't your home, so you need to be respectful of others, and at least attempt to keep your spawn in check. If you don't want to do that, stay home.
3. Old folks. I'm getting sick and tired of rude, pushy, and entitled old people. You are not exempt from simple courtesies just because you survived 60+ years on this Earth. We don't owe you any favors. IF we choose to offer them, be appreciative. Senior discounts are a privilege, not a right. You don't get to demand a store give you something for nothing. Also, if you cannot drive the posted speed limit, see over the wheel, park, or handle your vehicle, give up your license. I understand that this is difficult, but your selfish need for independence is endangering others, and that is not acceptable. If your loved ones, and the government don't have the balls to tell you as much, I will.
4. Public fighting. I have two words for people who do this. Grow. Up. Is this the playground? Should the rest of us circle around you shouting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" and pumping our fists? Unless you are defending yourself against an assailant, there is no excuse for this. And this applies to immature couples who want to have dramatic and public arguments, as well. Take your trash home. The rest of us have no desire to witness your ignorance.
5. Tipping. Let me just go out on a limb here and suggest we make this mandatory, instead of optional. If you can't afford to tip your wait staff, then stay home and eat. That waiter/waitress has probably worked longer and harder than you, has dealt with rude, demanding, and stupid customers, and is making squat. They survive on tips. If you have a genuine complaint about your service (and it is the waiter's fault) ask to speak with a manager, and let them know. But don't under tip a waitress because the cook put too much salt on your fries, or because a spoon wasn't clean enough. They have no control over that, and there is only so much they can do. Be generous with the tips. Especially if you have a large group, fussy family members, and around the holidays.
6. Following along that theme, stop being rude to service people. Waiters, clerks, janitors, etc. all work just as hard as you do, and deserve just as much respect. Be polite, use manners, and have some patience. They are only trying to do their job, and it is not their fault that you can't find your credit card, are running late, or that your child is hungry. If you don't like something about a store, send them an email, or fill out a comment card. But don't take it out on the person behind the register. They don't make the rules, and  most likely don't have the power to change them.
7. Cell phones. Unless you are stuck in the toilet, or are suffering from a medical emergency, you have no business being on a phone in a public restroom. First of all, it's just gross. Are you tweeting about your bowel movement? And secondly, IT'S JUST GROSS! I think Aunt Betty will understand if you have to call her back. While I'm on the subject, just because your phone is mobile, doesn't mean you need to actually be on it EVERYWHERE. I don't want to hear about your daughter's rash, or your son's vomiting while I eat. I also don't want to hear you argue with your boss or husband while I'm buying groceries. And if you want the cashier to take your savings card, get off the phone and have it ready for them. Having the ability to communicate with anyone at anytime is great, but get it under control.
8. Drinking. Now, I'm Irish and Scottish, so me likey my alcohol. But I also know how much is too much, and when to say when. Nothing is more irritating than obnoxious drunk people. Especially when those people are grown ass adults. If you can't go to a restaurant, party, wedding, or social gathering without getting shit faced, you are an idiot. Have a few drinks. Have more than a few drinks, even, but know your limits. If you can't control your feet, your mouth, or your bodily functions, you've had too much. I enjoy a good time as much as the next gal, but I also like to remember it.
9. Socially selfish. You know the types. They leave their car parked in front of a handicap ramp, so they don't have to get their fancy shoes wet on a rainy day. They hold up a line because they couldn't get off the phone and get their checkbook out and ready. They block the entire aisle at the store with their cart, and when you say "Excuse me." to get around it, they look at you like YOU'RE the rude one. This blatant unawareness, and ME, ME, ME mentality is disgusting. Pay attention to your surroundings, and think about how your actions might affect others, and quit being so self absorbed.
10. PDA. I'm probably going to get a lot of shit for this one, but this drives me nuts. Holding hands, hugging, even light kissing, is fine. I am even guilty of it. But the couples who want to dry hump each other in a theatre, booth, or middle of the mall... come on. You are obviously desperate for attention, or trying to prove something to someone. This isn't seven minutes in Heaven, or whatever the kids are playing these days, so keep your groping to a minimum. Or to quote every 10 year old... "Get a room!"
Well... that concludes today's unsolicited advice. Stay tuned for Part 3.

Let's Talk About Sex

In the words of Salt-N-Pepa, let's talk about sex.
S. E. X. Three letters that cause more blushing, embarrassment and giggles than a virgin on a first date. And why is that? Why is talking about something as TOTALLY NATURAL as sex so... unnerving to folks? Why is this subject so taboo? We aren't 10 year olds looking up horny in the dictionary anymore. We are adults. Adults who think about sex. Adults who... wait for it.... HAVE SEX! And if you aren't having sex, more than likely, you wish you were. This isn't the 40's or 50's. It's 2013, and sex is everywhere you look. It's on TV and movies, it's in the ads for your favorite car and perfume, it's in the books we read. It's in music, and not just rap music. Even country stars are singing about it now. We are bombarded with sex, yet it is somehow still whispered about in hushed tones, and treated like a mystery. Well no more!! As of today, I am shouting it from the rooftops. I LOVE SEX, AND YOU SHOULD TOO! Yup, you read that right. I love sex. Love it. Can't get enough of it. And do you want to know what else? I'm not ashamed to say that. Nope. Not even a little bit. I am a happily committed adult female, and I love sex. My hubs and I have an amazing sex life, and that is something I am very proud of. It makes us closer, more intimate and more connected emotionally and physically. And in the 15+ years we have been together, it has only gotten better. Not possible, you say? Yes it is. You want to know how and why? Because we talk about it. Sex has never been a secret subject in our house. We discuss it at length and often. Our likes and dislikes, our fantasies and concerns, all of it. We aren't afraid to try new things, and if something isn't working, we talk about why that is. I am often amazed at couples who can discuss bowel movements, hemorrhoids, and menstruation, but treat sex as something "inappropriate". Wake up people! Sex is a good thing! It's healthy, natural and oh so enjoyable. I 100% believe that you cannot have a truly good and lasting marriage without it. If couples were to be genuinely honest, I'd be willing to bet that sexual related issues (be it lack of, or quality of, etc) are very high on the list of reasons for failed or failing relationships. This needs to end. We need to stop treating sex like the horny elephant in the room. So listen up. Stop blushing and start talking.
*Ladies: It's ok to like sex. This doesn't make you a slut. It makes you a healthy human being, with totally normal desires. As long as you act on those desires in a safe and intelligent manner... rock on. And ladies, stop hating on porn and strip clubs. Don't knock it til you've tried it, ok. You might be surprised. Also, if you don't own one already, go buy a sex toy. I'm serious. They are magical. You can use it alone, or with a partner, and odds are, you won't be disappointed either way. While I'm on the subject... masturbate. Often. This is how you discover what you like and dislike. How can you show or tell a partner what gets you excited if you have no idea yourself. It's your body, learn how it works.
*Guys: You aren't the only ones who enjoy sex. Women do too. A lot. So don't hesitate to initiate it, even when you "think" she might not want it. Worse case, she tells you she doesn't. Best case, she does. Do you get what I'm saying here? Keep in mind, that by initiate, I don't mean ask "So... do you wanna do it?" As romantic as that is (yeah, that was sarcasm) it rarely puts a woman in the mood. Foreplay is crucial for women. There are women who reach full satisfaction from intercourse, but most need more. So spend a little time, and get to know her hot spots. Trust me, it will be worth the effort. Also, ask her what she wants, what she likes, and if there are things she wants to try. There probably are. And don't hesitate to tell her what gets you excited as well. Great sex is a team effort, and both players should be in the game.
*Everyone: There is nothing wrong with talking about sex. If you are too embarrassed to discuss it, you shouldn't be doing it. Plain and simple. Stop making excuses for why you can't or shouldn't be doing it. If you are with a clean and consensual partner, in a healthy situation, have at it. If you are married, or have been together a long time, that's not an excuse to not be doing it either. If you can find or make time for laundry and trash TV, you can make time for sex. If you need a spark, try something new. Go to a nice strip club together, watch some porn, try adding toys to the mix. Maybe you like it a little on the kinky side. That's ok too. If your partner is willing and able... get your freak on. The point it, sex is a good thing. People who have regular sex are happier and healthier overall, and who doesn't want to be happier and healthier??

Let's Be Honest...

Today I want to talk about honesty. Do you consider yourself an honest person? Most of us would probably say yes. But are you, really? And I don't mean honest about whether or not your friend looks fat in the jeans, or if your mother-in-law's pie really WAS the best you've ever tasted. I'm talking about genuine honesty. With yourself and the way you live your life. 
There is an epidemic out there of people living false lives. We say one thing, but do another. I see this everyday, and I'm sure in some ways, I myself am guilty of it. Here are a few common examples:
*The "But I am a Christian" lie. This lie is a big one. It allows people to walk around with a self righteous attitude while doing nothing but sitting in judgement of others. You say "only God can judge" but you don't really mean it. You think that because you believe in him, and maybe go to church regularly, that this somehow gives you the freedom to point out the flaws in others, and put yourself on a pedestal. These same people will use the Bible and religious quotes to shame others, or to try and make excuses for bigotry. The Bible is filled with quotes, and depending on the interpretation, anything could be viewed as sinful. So how about from now on, if you want to hate someone for their beliefs, or judge someone based on their life choices, you do it honestly. Say you don't like it, because it makes you uncomfortable. Own your hatred and judgement, instead of trying to use God or religion as your scapegoat. 
*The "This is my life" lie. You know the ones. They make mistake after mistake in their lives, and refuse to acknowledge it. The excuses for bad decisions come in many forms, but never honesty. They are quick to point out what they view as "errors" in others, but are blind to the mess they've made of their own life. They think the world owes them a favor, and can't wait to blame someone else for the terrible choices they repeatedly make. They think nothing through and then expect others to clean up their messes when "their life" doesn't go the way they want it to. 
*The "I want a family" lie. This one is very common. Most people think that you have to follow some life timeline. Get married, have kids, buy a house, get a dog, etc, etc, etc. So they do it. But they only do it half ass. Or they do it without being honest about what the choices really entail. Having a family isn't just making babies with someone. It isn't playing house for one weekend a month. It is a full time, endless job. To say that you want a family, or that you want to be a parent is a HUGE decision. It may mean you sacrifice a career, or don't get the car you always wanted. It might mean changing jobs or shifts, so that you can go to kids games, or eat dinner together. There is nothing wrong with saying that a family doesn't fit into your life. That is an honest and real feeling. Or maybe you just aren't ready yet. That's ok. If more people were truly honest with themselves BEFORE they jumped into life changing decisions, the world would be a better place. 
*The "I can afford that" lie. Most of us live above our means. By a lot. Just look at the economy if you don't believe me. Credit cards, loans, etc are just ways to pay for things that we can't afford. Now maybe you can afford it later, but just needed the help up front. Ok fine. But that isn't the case for most people. Most people get credit cards to buy things they don't really need, and can't afford, but want anyway. And then they pay the minimum payment each month, and wonder why they can't seem to get out of debt. People buy houses and cars and only look at the monthly payment and think "I can afford that." but don't consider how they will pay for the inevitable costly repairs and extras that come along with those items. A house is great, until the roof leaks, the lawnmower breaks, the furnace stops working, etc. You still have to pay for the house, but now you have to pay to fix those things also. Was that worked into your budget plan when you bought it? And cars don't run for free. There's gas, insurance, tires, oil changes, maintenance and repairs and more. How many people add those costs in when they buy one? Not many. Budgeting and money management are things that should be taught in school, to everyone. Too many people spend without thinking, or only look at a bottom line, and not the big picture. 
*The "I'm busy" lie. I've talked about this before, and it is a very common problem. We are too quick to say "I'm too busy for that" when in reality we just aren't managing our time well. Or worse, we keep adding things to our to do list, that we don't REALLY need to do, while not making time for things we SHOULD be doing. Sit down and make a time budget for yourself. Put the hours from the time you wake up, til the time you go to sleep, and write down exactly what you do with them. I think you'd be surprised just how much "extra" you really have. No time to exercise? What about that 2 hour TV watching block? If we are genuinely honest with ourselves, we probably waste more time than we realize. Or if we planned things out a little better, could make more time. 
I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. No matter how honest you think you are, chances are you could be even more honest, especially with yourself. There are very few of us who don't fall into AT LEAST one of these categories. And that doesn't make us bad people, it just means we have room for improvement. We are human after all. But in order to correct ourselves, we have to first BE HONEST...

Real Talk: Guy Time

Since I already talked to the ladies, I think it's time I had a little chat with the fellas, too. Being a female, I like to think I have some idea of what women are looking for. Although, as you already know, some bitches be crazy. So for the sake of argument, let's just say this is a general list of things *most* gals prefer to see in a man. 

1. Don't be an idiot.
If you want to be a complete jackass when you are hanging with your boys, feel free. But if you want to get/keep a decent woman, keep your idiotic behavior to a controlled level. This includes: out of hand drinking, childish activities, foul language, etc. If you think it might annoy her, it probably will. So don't do it. 
2. Hygiene is a must.
Women want a man who looks and smells clean. Not someone who looks and smells like they just rolled out of a dumpster. Take regular showers. Use good smelling products while you're in there. Deodorant isn't just for special occasions. Use it every day. Check your finger and toe nails. Do you look like you are ready to dig your way to China? Gross. Cut them. While we're on the subject, buy a nail brush and scrub underneath them. We can assume where your hands have been, we don't need proof. Do your laundry often. Unless you are working on your car or fixing something, there is no excuse to be rocking stained and dirty clothes. You don't look cool, you look homeless. Brush your teeth at least twice a day. If you had a coney with extra onions for lunch, brush again. And gargle. Oh, and flossing isn't just something the dentist can do. Buy some and use it. Invest in good cologne. A nice smelling man is sexier. Period. But don't overdue it. A little goes a long way. 
3. Hair dos and don'ts.
If you use hair products, I beg of you, don't get carried away. A woman wants to be able to touch your hair, and maybe run her fingers through it. Not get stuck in it. We also don't want to feel like it took you longer to get ready than us. So keep it simple. Keep your facial hair trimmed and nice looking. I know giant beards are all the rage now, and while *some* gals may like that, most of us prefer a minimal amount of facial hair. We don't want to guess at what you look like underneath the fur mask. Trim your nose and ear hairs. They make these great little tools for it and it takes seconds. If I can't focus on what you're saying because I am watching your nose hairs dance around, we're going to have a problem. Look in the mirror. If you can see them, so can everyone else. Snip, snip. Now fellas... if you are blessed with the body hair of a gorilla, don't fret. Not all women want their men as smooth and hairless as a newborn. BUT... we also don't want to date Cousin Itt. Invest in an electric trimmer. They come with all sorts of attachments and guards that can be used to maintain a clean look. When I said before, that women like to run their fingers through your hair, I wasn't talking about the hair on your back. So, keep it manscaped. And when in doubt, there's always waxing. Ask your mother for the number to her salon, and let them help you out. 
4. Expectations.
I said it to the ladies, and I'll say it to you guys. If you want the perfect girl, you better be the perfect guy. Unless you look like Channing Tatum, don't expect her to look like a Victoria's Secret model. Real women come in all shapes and sizes, and aren't airbrushed to perfection. The sooner you accept this, the better off you'll be. Also, don't expect a woman to think and act like you. Odds are, she won't. Women are different than men. Period. It is a scientific fact that male and female brains work differently. You may not always understand her, so just be patient and kind. A hug goes a long way sometimes. 
5. Helpful hints.
Here are a few secrets to help you guys out. Women are really not that complicated. If you want to understand her, listen to her. Pay attention to what she says and how she says it. Watch her body language. *Most* women crave attention. Compliment her. You don't have to lavish her with gifts, but please try to remember her birthday and your anniversary at the very least. Treat her with respect. BE HONEST. I cannot stress this enough. Right from the get go, always be honest. No woman wants to find out 3 years into a relationship that you're anti marriage and kids. 

Now guys, these are by no means the only rules you should follow, but they are a good baseline for finding and keeping a quality woman. And if you are ever in doubt, feel free to ask us, we love to tell you what we want. ;)

Yes, this is a photo of bacon. If you treat a woman right, she might just make you some. 

Bitches Be Crazy

Ok gals, it's time for some real talk. As a female, I hear all the "Bitches be crazy" stuff and as much as I want to argue... well, I can't. Bitches really CAN be crazy. I think it's time we started being honest with each other. So here goes...

Ladies, if you are single and can't seem to find or keep a man, maybe it's time to stop blaming the guys and start being honest. Maybe the problem isn't with the fellas. Maybe YOU need to work on some things. Here's a basic checklist to see if *possibly* the problem is you.

1. Are you expecting more than you are offering? 
For example: Do you expect a man to be gorgeous, physically fit, employed, a home owner, no kids, no baggage, etc? If so, you better take a minute to run through that checklist yourself. Do YOU meet all your own requirements? If not, than why is it ok to expect someone else to? 
2. Do you have a romantic notion that life is like the movies?
If you spend all your free time watching romantic comedies and reading romance novels and expect life to be the same, you are insane. Life isn't a movie. The perfect guy probably isn't going to look like Ryan Gosling and write you love songs. 
3. Are you realistic in your expectations of a partner?
It's ok to have an idea in mind of what your "perfect" man might be, as long as you understand that he probably doesn't exist. If you spend all your time looking for some unrealistic perfect man, you are going to miss out on some real, genuine good guys. If you are over the age of 16, more than likely anyone you meet will come with some baggage. Guess what? You have some too. No one is perfect, so stop looking for that or you will find yourself alone forever. 
4. Are you crazy?
This is where you will need to be VERY honest with yourself. Women have a tendency to overlook a lot of unattractive behaviors or make excuses for them. If you act crazy, you will attract crazy men. If you act trashy, you will attract trashy men. If you act like a crazy, jealous stalker, you will scare men away. Here's a quick crazy test. Go to your social media pages and take a scroll. What do you see? If you are constantly bitching about your ex or being single, causing drama or posting a million duck face photos of yourself, you might be crazy. Get yourself in check. 
5. Stop using your past as an excuse.
If every time you meet a new guy you are comparing him to an ex... STOP. Not only is that unfair, but it is inexcusable. Unless you want to be compared to every female he has ever known, knock it off. Your past is your past. Leave it there. Unless you want to continue to make the same mistakes, let it go, move on and start fresh. Remember, YOU made those choices, so you can blame the guys all you want, but if you stayed with a cheater or a loser or an abuser and allowed the behavior to continue, you have to accept some of the blame. That is the harsh truth. If you keep picking the "wrong" guys every time, maybe the problem isn't the guys. 
6. Are you overlooking the obvious?
Do you have a male friend that you adore? Do you turn to him each and every time a relationship doesn't work out? Well, unless he's gay or spoken for, maybe it's time you opened your eyes. Stop "friending" every good guy just to continue to date losers. If he treats you well, you have tons in common, and he makes you laugh... he's a catch. One day, some girl is going to snatch him up and you are going to realize what you missed. Maybe it's time to make your "Plan B" your new Plan A. 

Bottom line ladies, is that if you want a REAL relationship, then you have to start by being real yourself. If you expect perfection, than you better be offering it. Be honest about who you are and what you expect. Life is enough of a guessing game, relationships shouldn't be. If you want a man to treat you like gold, you better be ready to return the favor. This is a two way street. You need to be willing to give in order to receive. And compromise is key. You aren't always going to get your way. So get your crazy in check and stop giving us ladies a bad name. 

Busy, Busy...

How often do you hear people say things like "I'm just too busy." or "Things have just been crazy busy lately!" or "I WISH I had time to do that, but I'm so busy all the time."? I hear it A LOT!

Busy, busy, busy... Sometimes I think that people just like to say that they are busy, when really, they aren't. I know a lot of people with A LOT of time on their hands, but if you ask them, they are just SO busy they barely have time to eat or sleep. What's up with that? Don't get me wrong, I think some folks really are busy. They work long hours, have multiple jobs, etc. But a vast majority of the people who THINK they are so busy, really aren't. So why say it? Is it an excuse to get out of doing something you don't want to do? Does it make you feel special or important? 

I myself am rarely busy. Sure, sometimes I have plans, or am currently doing something, but I am hardly ever truly "busy". Even when I worked two jobs, raised a son, maintained a spotless home, made time for my husband and loved ones, I still didn't consider myself busy. I often had things going on, sure, but I still made time for things I needed and wanted to do. I think that is the biggest problem people have. They often think they are busy, when in reality, they just don't manage their time well. Most people have a set work schedule. And if you have kids, they generally get out of school at the same time every day. And if they have activities, those often have a predetermined schedule as well. So... that means that if there are other things you need to do, (clean, eat, exercise, have sex, etc.) you must fit those in during the remaining hours. Makes sense, right? Yet people still seem to struggle with it. I know it can be challenging at times, life happens, and things don't always go as planned. But for the most part, it can be done. 

I often ask people who say they are busy a lot how much TV they watch. Or how much time a day they spend online. If people are honest, they realize a great deal of time is wasted doing a whole lot of nothing. "Oh my house is a disaster, I just haven't had time to clean! But can you believe what happened on The Bachelor? " Ummm.... really?? If you have time to watch useless television, than you have time to keep a house clean. If you've made 50 posts on facebook and pinned 800 things to boards on pinterest, but make your kids eat McDonalds because you didn't have time to cook... you are NOT managing your time well. Sorry, but that is just the truth. 

I think my biggest pet peeve with the "busy epidemic" is when people use it as an excuse to not be good parents, friends, spouses, etc. Children are not small for long. They grow up in the blink of an eye and before you know it, you've missed out on everything. Sitting in front of a TV or computer or staring at a phone should NEVER come before your child. Period. You should never be too busy to spend time with your kids. If you have to miss out on the latest twitter trends, or skip a blog post once in awhile, so be it. If you have your kids scheduled for activities during every free moment, you aren't doing them any favors. Kids need time to run and play, they need time with their siblings and parents to do family stuff. They need to not stare at a clock and feel rushed and hurried. They shouldn't be busy. 

If you and your spouse/partner haven't had sex or alone time in more than a week, and one of you isn't out of town or in a coma, you need to manage your time better. If you don't make time to nurture that relationship, it WILL fall apart. You need to make time for each other, even if it is just a few hours a day after the kids go to bed. Heading to separate rooms to watch TV, etc. will not bring you closer. Your children learn how to have good relationships from watching you, so if they see that you are always "too busy" for each other, they will take that lesson into their future relationships and continue the pattern. 

If every time your friends/loved ones invite you to do something, you are just too busy, eventually they will stop calling. Relationships are a two way street. If you want people to be there for you, then you sure as hell better return the favor. Even if it is just coffee before work, or dinner and drinks once a month. Maybe run your errands together, or join an exercise class with a few friends. Whatever you do, MAKE TIME. Those people will not always be there. Time is not a guarantee, nor is it infinite. 

Busyness is a state of mind. If you convince yourself that you are busy, you will feel busy. If you use your time wisely and manage it well, you will be surprised at how much you really have. If you put important things and people first, the rest will fall into place. So the next time you catch yourself saying "I'm just so busy." stop and think... are you truly?

Facebook Pros and Cons...

I want to do a little venting today, so please bear with me. 
I love facebook, I truly do. I have made amazing connections with people I would otherwise never have met, stayed connected to family that I don't have the luxury of seeing often and reconnected with old friends. I get to see photos of loved ones, learn new and interesting things, laugh at funny posts and kill time on a slow day. These are the perks. 
Now let me tell you what I loathe about facebook. 
*I hate when people feel the need to bombard their friends newsfeeds with overly opinionated posts. We get it, you like your guns and hate the president. Or you think everyone should eat organic, save the trees and breastfeed. Whatever your beliefs, is it REALLY necessary to share every single post and photo about it? I don't mind the occasional rant, hell, we all do it now and then. But the ones who do it constantly, non stop, all day, and then get mad when someone disagrees with them, really irritate me. Wake up, folks! You aren't the only one entitled to an opinion, so if you aren't big enough to respect someone else's, then keep yours to yourself. 
*I hate when people share every single picture/quote that they like. It's bad enough that facebook shows us what all of our friends like, but then you feel the need to share each one, it gets out of hand. Do you really believe that by sharing or liking something, you won't go to Hell, a puppy won't die and you'll win a million dollars? If you do, we need to have a little chat... 
*I hate the "begging for attention" posts. If you post open ended or non descriptive, generic statuses about being sad, lonely, fat, ugly, etc. you are clearly trying to get people to ask you what's wrong, or tell you how great you are. Save us the eye roll, and just say what's on your mind. Stop fishing for comments. While I'm on the subject, is it honestly necessary to post thousands of pics of yourself alone in your car or in your bathroom? You look exactly the same as you did yesterday. And if you are going to insist on doing it, maybe take a minute and put the lid down on the toilet or make your bed. 
*I hate the rotating relationship statuses. Maybe try dating for more than 15 minutes before deciding you are "in a relationship". And posting endless cheesy crap on each other's timelines for EVERYONE to see does not make us think you are the perfect couple. It makes us gag. If you love each other so much; call, text or private message it. Or better yet, get off facebook and go say it to their face. And if you are single, PLEASE stop complaining about it every single day. Just a hint, you look desperate, needy and pathetic. So unless you wish to remain eternally alone, maybe tone it down a notch. Let them figure out how crazy you are AFTER they date you...
*I hate the constant game requests. Let me clear something up for you, I am fully aware that those games exist. IF I wanted to play them, I would. I have refused every request you've ever sent me, so take the damn hint and knock it off. Or don't be surprised when I unfriend you. 
*I hate the drama llamas. (A term coined by my friend, Nicole F. *trademark pending*) If you don't want the whole world involved in your business, then stop posting it. It's ok to share, but some things can be kept private as well. I don't want or need to know every detail about your baby daddy/mama, your ex, your boss or anyone else. It's a public forum. If you think it isn't going to get back to that person, you are wrong. 
Now these are just some things that annoy me personally. You probably have your own lists. And before you go commenting, I am fully aware that from time to time, I may fall into one of these categories. We all do. If you think you don't, just ask me, I'll be happy to let you know. But I'm addressing the folks that do these things ALL THE TIME. Not once in awhile, but daily or hourly. If you aren't sure if this is you, take a second, go to your timeline and take a scroll....

Who Am I To Judge?

I spend some time online. (OK, I spend a lot of time online.) And I am constantly amazed by how often I see people openly judging and criticizing others. Especially strangers. Now don't get me wrong, you see this a lot everyday if you spend enough time around people. I worked with the public for MANY years, and I saw a great deal of it. But I think people certainly do it more from the safety of their keyboards and smart phones. 
Before I go any further, let me point out that I am not referring to the occasional joke or smart ass remark. We ALL do this from time to time. I am talking about those people who constantly stereotype, insult and blame others. We've all seen these types of posts. Whether on facebook or twitter, or comments on blogs, videos and articles online. 
I just don't get it. So because one republican or democrat said or did something you disagree with, they are all idiots? Oh, you heard that some Mexicans are illegal citizens, so you think they all must be? All white people are racists, is about as true as all black people are criminals. Gays and women shouldn't be in the military? I'm sorry, I didn't realize that sexual preference or having a vagina had anything to do with patriotism and courage. Asians are all terrible drivers? Have you SEEN a drift event? I could go on forever, but the point is, that stereotypes are ignorant. Are some of them true? Sure. There are always going to be people who fit stereotypes. That is why they exist. But they certainly don't fit every person in every category. Take myself for example. For starters, I am Irish. Do I enjoy a drink from time to time? Yes. But guess what? I'm not an alcoholic. Also, my family hails from West Virginia. Like, backwoods WV. Am I an ignorant redneck? Hardly. AND... I have all my own teeth! (Shocking, I know.) Stereotypes can be humorous from time to time, because there will always be some truths behind them, and we can ALL relate to some of them. We may even fit into a few. I will admit to using duct tape to repair some things from time to time. Granted, I prefer Hello Kitty duct tape, so I must be an Asian hillbilly, right? 
I guess what I am getting at is that I don't understand this level of ignorance. When did it become acceptable to publicly bash an entire group of people over the ignorance of one or a few? What happened to "Only God can judge." folks? And for the love of everything Holy, can we stop using religion as an excuse to hate??!! I may not be religious, and I'm not sure if God exists, but I can tell you this much, if he is as hateful, condemning and cruel as some people make him out to be, I don't want any part of it. Groups like Westboro Baptist Church must be worshiping the Devil, since their God hates practically everyone.
Come on people. It is 2013. We have come so far in so many ways, yet we continue to hold ourselves back with ignorance and hate. Racism is disgusting. Period. Judging someone on the color of their skin makes you an idiot, plain and simple. And are we honestly still living in a society where people don't believe women are equal? Women are doctors, scientists, sports stars, mechanics, plumbers, police officers and more. And they do them all just as well as men. Let's just get over that already, shall we? And don't get me started on all the hatred towards gays. So you are judging someone based solely on their sexual preferences? I gotta be honest here, I think about sex A LOT, yet I rarely meet someone and think "Gee, I wonder what they do in their bedroom." For starters, it's none of my business. Not to mention, I think if you are spending that much time thinking about someone else's sex life, YOU may be the one with the issue. There are straight people who dress up in furry costumes, tie each other up, ride their partner around like ponies, fantasize about children and more, yet they are considered the "normal" ones. Really?? How messed up is that? Gays shouldn't get married, because it will "ruin the sanctity of marriage"? Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. What sanctity were you referring to again? Celebrities can get married and divorced faster than I can say "Kiss the Bride" and that is just dandy. But a gay couple who has been together (happily and successfully) for years, being allowed to get married, is inconceivable? You do realize just how dumb that sounds, right?
Wake up, folks. We reap what we sow. Do you want to live in a world filled with hate and judgement? There is enough ugly and evil in this world already that is out of our control, so why not do better with the things we CAN control? Teach your children acceptance, understanding, empathy and love. We don't hesitate to recycle, because we want to save our planet for our children. We want them to have a beautiful world to live in, right? Well let's make it as beautiful to live in, as it is to look at. So stop hating and judging things and people we don't understand. Ask questions, learn and be open to the possibility that people may surprise you. 
"Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."

Truth & Lies

From the time we are small, we are told how important it is to tell the truth. How even "little white lies" can lead to bigger and bigger lies, and how these lies can snowball and get out of control. In church we are taught the value and importance of honesty and integrity, and how telling the truth, even if no one believes it, is the most important thing. That all anyone has is their honor, and that the honorable thing to do, is to stand up for what you believe in, and to always hold the truth above all else.
Then at some point in your childhood, you tell a teacher or a parent what someone said or did, just being honest, and you are called a tattle-tale. Then you get even older and you see someone doing something they shouldn't, at your job for example, and you share that information with a boss, and you are called a whistle-blower or a snitch. And let's not forget the time you tell a friend or partner that yes, those jeans do make you look fat, and you are called mean or cruel.
So, are we saying that some lies and dishonesties are ok? Or that the truth is only important when it is convenient or benefits us? Don't get me wrong, we've all fibbed, or withheld little things to protect a person's feelings, or to help ease a situation. But what if those fibs or withholdings aren't protecting anyone? What if those are the very things that someone should hear? What if knowing that tiny bit of information would change the very nature of someone's beliefs or feelings? Is it still ok? How do you know when it is OK to lie? Or when it is OK to tell the truth, for that matter? Is there some rule book, or manual for knowing when to be honest? Because if such a thing does exsist, I think we need to start passing out copies for everyone to read. But since this is my blog, I am going to answer my own question the best way I know how.
It is NEVER OK to lie. Yes, some lies are necessary or even temporarily beneficial, but they are never good. Even the smallest lie can come back and bite you in the ass. Honesty is, and always will be, the BEST policy. It may cost you a job, a friendship, or even your heart & soul, but it will always be the right decision. Because, at the end of the day, the truth will win out, and integrity will stand. It may take days, or weeks, or even years, but eventually, all lies disintegrate and the only thing that remains is the truth. So you just have to decide what side you want to be standing on when it is all said and done.

"Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you're right and you know it, speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth."
- -Gandhi