Why I'm Never Going to be One of the Guys

I hate the word tomboy. I've always hated it. Growing up with four older brothers, I spent a great deal of time playing with the boys. Decked out in camouflage in the woods, playing sports, and getting dirty. It wasn't that I wanted to BE a boy. It's just what I knew. And I enjoyed it. 
But I also enjoyed playing with makeup, wearing glittery nail polish, and playing dress up. I was happy to be a girl. Even when I was out riding bikes, building forts, and catching frogs. I wasn't trying to be one of the guys. I was just being myself. 
Not much has changed over the years. I still spend the vast majority of my time with mostly men. And I still don't wish I had a penis. 
I also don't consider myself "one of the guys" and I never will. I'm not a guy. I don't want to be a guy. When I hear chicks say "I'm just one of the guys!" I want to scream. No you're not. You're a girl who happens to participate in male dominated activities. 
And you know what? That's ok! You can still be a girl, and enjoy being a girl. I can promise you that my lipgloss and nail polish has not made a lick of difference in how much I enjoy car racing. The fact that I own more skirts and dresses than jeans and cargo pants has not, in any way, impacted my ability to build a fire, pitch a tent, or throw a football. 
Would I rather watch an action film or a porn over a chick flick? GOD YES! But that doesn't make me a dude. 
I don't like it when women think they have to sacrifice their femininity in order to fit in with men. 
I can cuss like a sailor, but I also know how to be a lady. I can bullshit and joke around without being offended, but that doesn't mean I have to fart and burp and discuss my bowel movements in a group setting, either. 
There's a fine line between fitting in with men, and trying to BE one. I can fit in just fine, but I also have no problem having a door held for me, or asking for help lifting something heavy. 
I love being a woman. I love that I can wear pretty things, and be nurturing. I love that I can help my husband out in the garage, and I also love when he hugs me and tells me that I smell wonderful. 
I don't mind getting dirty or breaking a nail. But you bet your ass that I'm going to wash up, and file that nail later. 
Telling a girl who happens to enjoy a "boy" activity that she's a tomboy is essentially telling her she has to choose between being a boy or a girl. 
We think it's cute to say that, but it's not. Why isn't calling a girl a "tomboy" just as offensive as calling a boy a "little bitch"? Because it's basically the same thing. Why does it matter if a girl likes to play baseball, football, race cars, shoot guns, or anything else? 
Those things don't suddenly make her vagina fall off. She's still a girl. And she should be proud to be one. Women are amazing. Some of the strongest, smartest, funniest, kindest, most incredible people I know are women. 
There's nothing wrong with being a female who also enjoys male oriented activities. But unless you're using the urinal next to those men... I'm sorry, but you're not one of the guys.
So stop trying so hard to be something you're not. Be proud of who and what you are, and just be yourself. 

Happy Birthday, Mama Sandy

You know those people that just seem to ooze goodness? From the moment you first meet them, it's obvious that they are as close to perfection as a person can be. Kind, funny, compassionate, genuine, loving, strong, and beautiful inside and out. 
Several years ago, I was lucky enough to meet one of these angelic souls.Her name is Sandy, and I adored her instantly. She was the embodiment of warmth and decency. 
I have no idea why, but (I try not to question it) she seemed to like me as well. We hit it off, and became fast friends. It didn't matter that there was a substantial age difference, or that I was the polar opposite of her, or that I likely sport horns, when she clearly has a halo. She accepted me for who I am, and I am beyond grateful that she did. 
Unbeknownst to either of us, the bond we shared was eventually going to save my life. 
You see, Sandy lost a daughter years before. I learned this very soon after meeting her, and it became a pivotal conversation point for us quite often. She openly shared her story of loss, and was so patient with my countless questions about it. I'd known a few parents who'd lost children, but none who were so willing to talk about it, and wanted people to understand. She moved me. Her strength was an inspiration, and I was blown away by how she survived such a difficult ordeal, and was still so filled with love and humanity. 
I had no idea that those conversations would one day end up being my own personal guidebook through Grief. 
When we lost our son, my husband and I were utterly lost ourselves. The pain is so overwhelming that you can't imagine ever getting through it. 
So often during the first days, weeks, and months after losing Zach, I found myself quoting Sandy. Sharing with my husband things she had told me about her own Grief. I kept picturing her smiling face, and telling myself that we too, could survive this. 
Sandy saved our lives. Without her wisdom, we wouldn't be where we are in our Grief today. Many times, I have called or text her for guidance. I've turned to her to remind me that I'm not crazy, even when it feels like I am. 
She has been my rock. My biggest supporter, and my surrogate mother. 
I'll never be half the woman that Sandy is, but I strive for it nonetheless. 
Too often in this world we idolize celebrities, when there are real inspirations right in front of us. Sandy is my hero. In every sense of the word. 
And today, on her birthday, I want her to know that. Her friendship is a gift to me, and one that I will cherish forever. I love you Mama Sandy. Happy Birthday. 

Look at this stunning woman! She is the definition of grace, 

and one sexy hot mama to boot! 

5 Reasons to Love Rally

It's a well known fact that I love rally. I've been a fan for many years, have been a crew member for various teams for the past 3 years, and come March, Team Finn (my husband and I) will officially be competitors in the sport. If you're already involved in rally in any capacity, you know how addicting and awesome it is. But rally (in America) is still a relatively unknown sport. This amazes me. I know TONS of automotive fans, so how is it possible that they're unfamiliar with the greatest form of racing there is?? (If you say NASCAR is, I will punch you in the throat.) Maybe we're just not doing a good job of explaining it to the average person. So let me attempt to fix that right now. I am going to give you 5 reasons why you should love rally. Or at the very least, go to one and check it out. Because I guarantee that once you experience it, you will be hooked. So without further ado... my list. 

1. The cars.
If you love cars, or even appreciate cars, you will be utterly smitten with rally cars. These vehicles are built to traverse any and all conditions. They're fast, agile, and sexy as hell. These are not just grown up Hot Wheels cars. They are built with a purpose, and it shows. From the eye catching exteriors down to the tough as nails suspension, every detail of these rides serves a purpose. And the sound.... oh the sound. It's absolutely something every certified car lover should have caress their ear holes at least once. 

Photo courtesy of Eric Delaney at Lifeblasters

2. The spectating is epic.

Spectating at a rally is an adventure of its own. There are no bleachers, no cushy stadiums. It's raw, dirty, and not for the feint of heart. You'll drive out into forests and back roads that you would otherwise never traverse. You'll hike into the woods, and up mountains to find the perfect spot. You'll see Mother Nature's most stunning views, and find yourself lost in the incredible beauty of it. And that's before the first car drives by. But once the cars start, you better be paying attention. Depending on the rally, you could see crazy jumps, water crossings, or dirt road drifts that have you jumping back to get out of the way. It's up close and personal racing. Spectators are oftentimes the first on the scene to help push, pull and drag competitors out of ditches and trees. You become a part of the event, not just bench warmers. The spectator stories are usually just as exciting as the racers. 

Just one of the spectacular views you'll experience in rally.
This is from Rally West Virginia.

3.It's up close and personal.

When you go to a rally, whether as a spectator, volunteer, crew member, or competitor, you are a part of the rally. You don't need a special pass to get an autograph or photo with the drivers and cars. At every event, before the race starts, there is Parc Expose. This is similar to a car show, where all the competitors cars are lined up, and the drivers are socializing and wandering around. There's no charge to get in, and you can meet and greet with everyone, including the VIPs. Most teams have freebies, like posters, stickers, bracelets, key chains, etc. that they pass out, so you can always grab some goodies from your favorites. And the service area is always open during the event to spectators as well, so you can stop in and watch crews do fast paced repairs, hear crazy stories, and grab some photos. 

4. This.

Photo courtesy of M.Campbell Photography

Photo courtesy of M.Campbell Photography

Photo courtesy of M.Campbell Photography

Photo courtesy of Scott Rains (Rains Photography)

Photo courtesy of Scott Rains (Rains Photography)

5. It's a family.

Rally may be a sport, but above and beyond that, it's a family. Everyone you meet through rally becomes an instant friend. The camaraderie is unlike anything you'll ever experience. Very rarely will you find, in any sport, competitors helping each other out. But you see it regularly in rally. Everyone is there because they share a passion for the sport, so they support each other in any way they can. I always tell people that rally is addicting, because it is. When you head home from a rally, you are usually dirty, sore, and utterly exhausted. But you still hate to leave. You don't want to say goodbye to your rally family, and you start counting down until the next event. Why? Because there's an energy that surrounds rally that just can't be explained. It can only be experienced. 

*If you're interested in experiencing these things firsthand, consider volunteering. Or at the very least, go spectate an event. I promise you won't regret it. For a rally near you, go to Rally America or NASA Rally Sport and check the schedules. 

Grow Your Business!

Social Media:
Did you know that social media is one of the fastest growing ways to help boost sales and grow your business and/or brand? It's true. The average person spends 3-5 hours a day on sites like Facebook and Twitter alone. And those averages are growing more every year. Smart phones can even keep us connected 24 hours a day if we prefer. 
The point is, if you aren't utilizing these free sites, you're missing out on A LOT of potential business. 
But keeping up with social media can be time consuming, and most business owners and managers already have too much to do in a day. So what's the solution?
I am! That's right, you can hire me to manage your social media accounts for you. I have several years experience, and have learned crucial tricks, like what kinds of posts make the most impact, and when the ideal times of day to post are. I can also help you come up with creative marketing campaigns, and ways to increase activity and traffic to your business. Depending on your needs, I can do a per post fee, or a weekly or monthly rate for more frequent and regular posts and updates. If your business has a blog, I can do that as well. 
Marketing:
I have been in charge of marketing (social media and otherwise) for several previous employers, and love the challenge involved. Creative problem solving, and the ability to think outside the box is key, and something I truly enjoy. 
Hiring a marketing company is expensive, and not an option for every business. But that doesn't mean you have to go without this amazing tool. 
I can work with any budget, and we can decide what works best for you. Maybe you just want to have a "Brain Storm Session" and pay a one time fee for me to help you come up with new ways to boost sales, increase traffic, etc. Whatever your needs, I'm certain I can help. 
Advertising:
Clever and informative advertising is an important part of growing and maintaining any business. But finding the right way to do that can often be tricky. Maybe you need a catchy motto, or a fun mascot idea. I'd love to help! Having spent years working with the public in various jobs, I have a great grasp of what types of advertising works the best, and how to capture the attention of the average person. 
Event Planning:
Do you host a holiday party for your staff every year? Or maybe you want to create an event to bring more customers into your store or business. I can help with that! I spent 12 years with Hallmark, and over 9 of those years was spent in charge of planning all our events, and doing event coordinating with customers for weddings, showers, birthday parties and more. You might think hosting an event is too expensive, but I know plenty of tricks to stay within any budget, and you won't have to sacrifice style and fun to do it. 

No matter what your creative business needs are, I want to help. Traditional marketing and event coordinating services can be costly, but I want to make these tools available to every business owner/manager, so I am keeping my prices affordable and available for any budget. To find out more, or to discuss rates/fees, contact me at BerryFavoriteThings@gmail.com and let's work out a plan! I can't wait to hear from you!
-Teena Hauxwell-Finn

The Toxic Double Standard

Let's pretend for a moment, that you're having a conversation with a friend. They tell you that they have a friend/partner/co-worker that is incredibly toxic. This person is unnecessarily cruel, demeaning, disrespectful, and intentionally hurtful towards them. They cause them near constant stress and emotional turmoil. They tell you that they've repeatedly tried to make things work with this person, but it always ends negatively. 
What would you say to your friend? 
More than likely, we would tell them that they need to distance themselves from that person. That they are detrimental to their health and well being and that they would be better off without them. We would encourage them to remove that person from their lives and move on. And we would feel good about telling them that. We would feel like we are offering them useful and worthwhile advice. 
But what if that friend/partner/co-worker was a parent/sibling/relative instead? Would your advice change?
In my experience, when you tell someone that you have removed a toxic family member from your life, you get told things like "You need to forgive and forget." or "But that's your mom/dad/sister/brother/etc. and you only have one." or "That's so sad. You're going to regret that one day." 
Why is it that our standards for acceptable behavior differs from friends to family? Why is it that something we would never or should never tolerate from one group should suddenly be swept under the rug for another? 
Why is family exempt from being held accountable for their actions? Shouldn't people who are supposed to love you unconditionally be held to an even higher standard? 
You would never say to a woman who left an abusive husband that "She's going to regret that someday." so why is it considered acceptable to say that to someone who has left any kind of abusive relationship? 
People who cut ties with family members rarely do so lightly. It's not a decision made in haste and anger. It's more often than not made after many, many years of struggle and heartache. When you feel as though you have run out of options. 
We all have limits and there are some lines that, once crossed, can never be uncrossed. It's not about holding grudges, being immature, or trying to 'rock the boat'. It's about allowing yourself to finally let go of someone who causes you pain. 
People who make the difficult decision to divorce themselves from a toxic person should never be made to feel guilty or ashamed of that choice. There shouldn't be a double standard that makes it ok for some people to hurt you, but wrong for others. 
It is often hard for those outside of the immediate situation to understand the hows and whys, but it is never acceptable to judge them, when you very likely do not know the full story. Even if you have a wonderful relationship with the person they are estranged from, that does not mean that they have the same type of relationship. The husband who beats his wife and children often has friends and family members who adore him. 
Bottom line is this... when someone tells you that they walked away from a painful and toxic relationship, your only response to that should be support and compassion. Regardless of the nature of that relationship. Toxic is toxic. Period. 

Product Review: Go Girl (Female Urination Device)

I drink A LOT of water. Which means I pee a lot. But depending on the situation and location, there's not always a convenient place to do your business. 

I love to camp, and also attend several rally races a year. If you've ever done either, you'd know that the bathroom situation can often be a free for all, aside from the occasional Porta-Potty. And for me, using a Porta-Potty is right up there with vaginal exams and math tests on the list of things I want to do. I mean, c'mon. Who designed these things? There is no good way for a female to use one without touching something we'd rather not touch, or peeing on something we'd rather not pee on. You know... like ourselves. It's messy and disgusting on a good day, and down right impossible on a bad day. (Think winter, and several layers.) 

So what can ladies do? Well, as it turns out, there IS a solution. 

TADA! Introducing the Go Girl. It's a female urination device, which is essentially just a fancy name for a piss funnel. Now, there are several brands of these, but after doing some research, I opted for this one. Mostly just because it had the biggest opening at the top, which seemed like a good call on their part. Less margin for error and all. 

It was a whopping $8 (including shipping) and comes in a plastic cylinder for storage. It also came with a plastic baggie and a tissue, which I thought was kind of genius on their part. (Granted, you'll have to remember to replace those after each use.) 

Now, the Go Girl has a few features that I feel compelled to mention. It's made from medical grade silicone, which I assume is a good thing, since medical grade is in the name and all. But considering I've been known to pee into an empty fast food cup in a pinch, it wasn't necessarily a selling point for me. The "unique tip design" I still haven't figured out, but I can tell you this... it did NOT make my pee come out in a fancy cake frosting design, so it was a bit of a letdown. The compact design is a nice perk, since you can roll it up and keep it stored cleanly and discreetly in the cylinder. But the best feature listed here is the mess free edges. I have 3 words for you. No splash back. (Or is splashback one word? Whatever, you get the point.) This lip helps keep your urine where it belongs, which ideally, is not running down your leg. So, from a design and quality perspective, they get an A. 

Now, the part I know you're all most concerned with is function. Well let me tell you... it does work. 

Personally, I always wondered what it would be like to pee standing up. Not hovering, or squatting, but really, truly standing. Well now I know. And... it was weird. First of all, I always assumed my penis would be bigger if I had one. And the stem/wiener on this isn't very long, which is great for storage purposes, but having never stood up to pee before, it made it a tad tricky. You have to stand pretty close, or ideally directly over the toilet. Now, if you're using this outdoors, obviously that's not an issue. 

Once I established the proper distance, the rest was easy. The top of the piss funnel sits nicely against your lady bits, and it's flexible and soft, so there's no scraping or awkward chafing. You can pinch it to open the top up even wider, which is helpful if your stream is being uncooperative. You do have to pay attention to your pace though. If you are packing a lot of pressure, overflowage could pose an issue. So just take your time and enjoy yourself. Maybe find a friend to sword fight with. I hear that's a good time. 

But all in all, I give this product 2 thumbs up. It's cheap, easy to use, and will definitely come in handy from time to time. It is also reusable, so just rinse it out, let it dry, and put it back in the cylinder.
So ladies, if you camp, hike, participate in sports, or just want to be prepared for any situation... I strongly suggest you spend the $8 and get yourself one. 

Why Does Beauty Have a Size?

Today in my social media feeds, I have seen countless posts themed "Plus size model in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue" and I can't help but shake my head. 
I get it, this is a win in many ways. And I'm happy to see Sports Illustrated expanding their model horizons to include more curvy women. But I can't help but notice that it's far from equal. 
For starters, every post just says "plus size model" and you don't see her name until you get further into the article. 

This is Ashley Graham. She's absolutely gorgeous. She should be on the cover of every magazine, and plastered all over the bedroom walls of teenage boys (and girls) the world over. So why must we focus so much on the fact that she's "plus size"? When other models grace the pages of the Swimsuit Issue, we don't say "skinny model" or "underweight model" or any of the like. They're just models. Nor do we include their swimsuit size in the posts, yet every single thing I've read about Ashley includes the fact that she's a size 16. Does that really matter? Why isn't the cover model's swimsuit size listed? 
Why can't beautiful models be just that? It's 2015. And Ashley is the first "plus size" model to ever grace the pages of Sports Illustrated? Am I the only one who sees a problem with that? In a time when body shaming is so popular, why are we still separating models by size? Is it a move in the right direction to have an average sized model in the Swimsuit Edition? Yes. But the better move would have been to put her on the cover, and NOT make a big deal about the fact that she's "plus size". By putting all the attention on the fact that they're featuring a bigger model, they are taking away from the fact that she is simply just a stunning woman, who SHOULD be in their magazine. 

I mean just look at this photo. LOOK AT IT. Imagine the impact it could have made if that had been the cover. No hype, no pats on the back for using a "big girl". Just "Hey, look at the hottie on this year's cover." 
So yeah... it's great that Ashley made it in. It's amazing, in fact. And good for her. But it will be even more amazing when she's featured just because she's a beautiful model, with a hella bangin' body, and not so that Sports Illustrated can score points for finally using a normal sized woman.

Bring on the Thunderdome

People get excited for different things. They look forward to a movie release, or a vacation. Me, I'm looking forward to the Apocalypse. 
You probably think I'm crazy to say that, and there's a solid possibility that I am, but it's the truth. 
You're probably wondering why. Well... for lots of reasons. Here are 8 reasons why I am excited for the End of Days. 

1. I plan on surviving it.
Maybe that sounds arrogant. And that's fine. But the reality is, I think I'm pretty equipped to deal with whatever the end brings. For starters, I don't panic in sketchy situations. I am capable of keeping my wits about me, and dealing with the task at hand, even when those around me are freaking out. I'm capable of thinking outside the box, and coming up with creative problem solving, which is crucial during an apocalypse. 

2. I'm married to a beast.
Now, I know what you're thinking. "But Teena, you can't fight off the zombies on your own." And you're right, I can't. Luckily for me, I'm partnered up with the Bald Terminator. He doesn't even need fancy weapons. Give him a hammer and look the fuck out. Not only is he smart and strong, but with his handy skills, and my crafty skills, we will totally have the most bad ass shelter around. 

3. The vehicles.
Have you seen Mad Max? I mean, c'mon. I can't wait to raid parking lots and junk yards and build the meanest, fastest, most sick ride around. Think rally car meets military Humvee. That bitch will drive over, around, and through anything (and anyone) that gets in its way. 

4. Mass clean up. 
The world is overrun with stupid people. And if you think that's not true, odds are, you're among them. The fact is, we are long overdue for a cleansing. Survival of the fittest and natural selection will make a much needed comeback, and dammit, I am ready for that. 

5. I have a particular set of skills.
Ok, so I'm no Liam Neeson, but I do have a random assortment of talents that are relatively useless in the world we currently live in, but would come in hella handy in a post apocalyptic society.

6. What better way to cure boredom?
Routines are ok, but they definitely get old at some point. The same drive day after day. The same dinners night after night. The same views, people, and activities on repeat. But if you're fighting to survive, you'd be moving a lot, dealing with new challenges, and would probably rarely get bored. Plus, the constant adrenaline would make for some insane sex. Amiright? 

7. Who needs sleep?
I have horrible insomnia, and have had it for as long as I can remember. In an apocalyptic situation, this would actually be a good thing, because there would always be something to do. You know... something besides watching porn. 

8. Zombie killing relieves stress.
I'm going to be brutally honest here... I fantasize about killing people on the regular. The idiot who cuts me off in traffic, the Kardashians, every person on reality television, etc. But I can't do it because it's "wrong". But zombies.... they NEED killing. So every time someone said something stupid (which, ideally, would be a lot less often, since most of the morons would have already been eaten or killed) I could take my stress and frustration out on the undead. It's really a win win. 

I could go on, but I think you get the idea. What's not to love about the end of days? Now granted, I would prefer more of a global blackout situation, because I really enjoy camping, and I think zombies would be a real buzzkill for that. But if it's more 'Red Dawn' or 'The Walking Dead' I can learn to deal. Whatever the Apocalypse brings, I feel confident that I'm ready for it. 
Now we wait.... 

Lest I forget, the incredible fashions of a Mad Max type world.
These are right up my alley....  

Dear Nationwide

If you were watching the Super Bowl yesterday, and chances are good that you were, you most likely saw the controversial Nationwide Insurance ad. If you didn't see it, and for some reason you wish to, you can view it HERE on YouTube. 
Here's what I have to say about it...

Dear Nationwide,
I understand and appreciate that you care about the safety of children. I do too. I think that educating the public about preventable household accidents is important, and should be addressed. But as with anything, there is an appropriate time and place to discuss these matters, and during the Super Bowl was not it. 
I'm guessing the people who created and approved that ad have never lost a child. Because if they had, they would have known and understood that seeing a commercial like that would be considered highly triggering for parents and families of child loss. Regardless of if that child was killed in a preventable accident or not. 
They would have known that after you lose a child, you struggle constantly, and that few things, if any, give you moments of peace and pleasure anymore. For many grieving parents, something like the Super Bowl was a chance to relax and enjoy a few hours of entertainment, ideally giving your mind a break from the unending pain of your grief. To be hit, so unexpectedly, with such a blatantly shocking ad, was just cruel. As parents of child loss, we know to avoid triggers. We heed warnings about content, and we limit our intake of negative stimuli. For your commercial, we had no such warning. Super Bowl commercials are almost always funny and lighthearted. Meant to make people smile and laugh, or maybe warm your heart. Your ad did none of those. Instead you took the opportunity to use shock value to try to garner attention for your company. Congratulations, it worked. Myself, along with millions of others, are talking about it. But at what cost? How many people, like myself, were emotionally body slammed by it? How many people, who were just trying to enjoy a sporting event, spent the remainder of their evening in tears, or in unimaginable pain from the unexpected blow to the heart?
Maybe you haven't lost a child, so you don't understand the guilt we parents feel. Regardless of if the death was avoidable or preventable. We torture ourselves with what ifs and maybes. Watching a silly football game could have been a small break from suffering for so many, and you destroyed that. You want to talk about preventable? Well you, Nationwide, could have prevented that ad from airing. You could have prevented needless pain and suffering for so many already tortured souls, by simply choosing to either air that ad at a different time, or including a content warning.
Personally, I have never been impacted enough by a commercial to use or not use a product or service. Until now. I can tell you with 100% certainty that if I currently had Nationwide Insurance, I would be changing companies. And based off of what I read on social media, I am far from alone in my feelings.
You had good intentions, but you made a poor marketing decision, and I hope that you learn a valuable lesson from it. Viewers are not just numbers on a chart. They are people. With fragile hearts, and real stories of loss. Protecting children is important, but protecting the human spirit is just as important. You could have easily got your message across any number of ways, without playing on shock value. Compassion, empathy, and understanding can go much farther. Something you should consider when creating your next big ad.

Written to you with a heavy heart by a grieving parent. 

My little family. Shortly before our son,
and only child, was unexpectedly ripped from our lives.