Hank the Gnome isn't a gnome of few words. As a matter of fact, he generally has quite a bit to say. If you aren't familiar with his ramblings, I mean wisdom, check him out on facebook by following this link. (just click here) But here at Berry Favorite Things, I like to check in with ol' Hank from time to time to see what's new in his world...
Berry Favorite Things: So Hank, how have you been since we last spoke?
Hank the Gnome: I imagine the correct answer should be GREAT, since otherwise, you look like an asshat for not checking in more often.
BFT: So has it been great?
Hank: It's been ok. The crazy lady I live with is getting a bit out of hand lately, though. She's taken to making me ridiculous costumes, and she brought a pet velociraptor for the weird bald guy for Christmas.
This is Nikita (the dinosaur) and I in our latest ensemble. I mean look at how bizarre this is. Clearly I'm supposed to be Batman. I'm nobody's sidekick. But whatever, I'm just glad this beast is house trained and hasn't had me for a midnight snack yet.
BFT: Sounds like life has been interesting lately. How are the wife and kids?
Hank: Willow and the little ones are doing well. Though we've been debating moving soon. The place is getting a bit tight lately, with all the recent additions. I guess the crazy lady just can't say no to a homeless gnome. It's like a lawn ornament factory blew up in the place.
BFT: Well that's a good thing, right? She did adopt you after all.
Hank: What are you, her #1 fan? No, it's not a good thing. I liked being the only gnome. Now there are pointy hats everywhere, and a damn prehistoric drool machine wandering around. It's like she's running a damn zoo.
BFT: Well Hank, it sounds like you are a bit angry. Could it be because of the latest incident with some trolls?
Hank: Not cool, lady. Not. Cool. I thought I said I didn't want to discuss the troll incident.
BFT: But the readers want to know. Are you a trollist, Hank?
Hank: Yeah, I am ok?! I don't like them. They're nasty little rodents, and they've been giving wee creatures a bad name for centuries! I mean, put on some clothes, you indecent little bastards!! And get that mess of hair under control! Filthy little forest hippies...
BFT: I see... well I didn't mean to upset you, I just thought we should address it, but clearly this is a subject for another day. Let's talk about something else.
Hank: (deep breath) Good idea.
BFT: I hear you're going to Sno*Drift Rally this weekend with your people. That should be fun.
Hank: Yes, I really like rally. The people involved are all pretty cool, and always seem genuinely pleased to see me. I'm hoping to sit in some cool cars this time, if the crazy lady lets me out of this new contraption she discovered.
BFT: Oh my... Well that looks comfortable at least. And warm. I hear it will be very cold there.
Hank: It's pretty cozy, I'll give her that. Even if it does make her look even more wacky. Not that she seems to care.
BFT: That's probably a good thing. She sounds like a pretty cool person.
Hank: Geez lady, get off her jock. She's ok, but you don't have to go hyping her up. She's not THAT cool.
BFT: Well Hank, it looks like we are about out of time for today, but we'd love to have you back on again soon. It's always entertaining. Thanks for coming.
Hank: I'm happy to come back whenever. Maybe next time we can do a Q&A with some readers, since you are clearly terrible at this.
BFT: Umm, yeah, sure, I guess. And maybe next time you can be less of a salty crab pants, eh?
Hank: Touche. (tips hat) Always a pleasure.
Hank may look just like the Travelocity roaming gnome from the ads, but they are certainly not the same gnome.
Hank does love to travel, but Hank's adventures take him to more than just tourist traps.
For those of you who have never met Hank, and for those who just want to learn a little more about him, here is my interview with him.
Me: Hank, tell me a little about yourself.
Hank: Well, I'm married to my lovely wife, Willow, and we have two gnomies. Our daughter, Narnia Alice and our son, Tolkien. We live in a beautiful home, along with my brother, Hanni, my great uncle Hod and my father-in-law, Papa Birch. We have great neighbors, Mick & Min DisGnome, who we hang out with a lot. My life is fairly simple really. I travel as much as I can, I love to laugh, I have recently started a facebook page to share my adventures (check that out here) and I'm just a happy guy.
Me: I've heard you've been seen at some rally events. Is this true?
Hank: Yes, it's true. I love cars, and all things car related. I attended my first rally event a few months ago, in South Carolina, and had a great time. So many fun people and so much fun. I'm now an official member of the rally scene.
Me: There is a great deal of fear and hatred for gnomes. How do you deal with that?
Hank: Well... I guess I just try to show people that not all gnomes are underwear and sock thieves, and just because we look a little different, doesn't mean we really are. We may be small, but we have big hearts, and we love people. Now trolls... that's who people should really be afraid of. They are nasty little buggers.
Me: Why should people be afraid of trolls?
Hank: They are the real thieves. And they live under bridges and beds, and bite your feet when they hang off. Plus they have all that crazy hair that gets all over everything, and that's just unsanitary. Uncivilized beasts.
Me: I'm sensing some animosity there, so I'm just going to move on. What are your goals for the future? Do you have any travel plans coming up?
Hank: No special travel plans. I just go where life takes me. Live in the moment. I'd like to expand my reach on facebook, maybe move into twitter, see how that goes. My fans are great, and if seeing me out there just living my life changes even one person's attitude about gnomes, or eliminates even a little of the fear, I've done my job. Someday, I'd like to see a gnome in every home. There are so many homeless gnomes out there, just looking for a family to love and a garden to guard.
Me: Sounds like there's a bit of a philanthropist inside you.
Hank: (blushes) Well yeah... probably a little.
Me: Well Hank, that's all the time we have for today, but I am so glad you sat down to speak with us. I think a lot of people have some misconceptions about gnomes, and I think you've made great strides in opening some minds. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors and thank you for stopping by.
Hank: Thank you for having me. I am a big fan of Berry Favorite Things and appreciate you taking the time to get to know me. With your help, I think we can definitely make a difference in people's attitudes towards the gnome community.
On the road with Hank the Gnome.
