Oh the 80s. A simpler time. A time when walkie talkies were the closest thing to cell phones, and social media meant riding your bike to a friend's house to tell them about your day.
I feel lucky to have grown up in a time before technology took over. When your imagination was your greatest toy. When you only had 6 channels of television to choose from, and every station shut down at midnight.
In many ways, I think the 80s were the last great decade. Certainly the last real original one. Everything after that is just a copy or a reinvention of something that came before it.
So in honor of that iconic era, here is a list of 8 of my favorite 80s memories, and things that I miss. Enjoy...
1. Colorful fashions.
The 80s were chocked full of color. From clothing, to accessories, to hair and make-up. We weren't afraid to stand out in a crowd. It was a happier time, and it showed.
2. Fun toys.
This was a time before helicopter parenting and mass childhood obesity. Before every toy was banned for being too dangerous. When your toys got you off the couch and moving, instead of encouraging inactivity.
3. Terribly awesome movies.
Most of my all time favorite films are from the 1980s. They were bizarre, original, and full of wild adventures and colorful characters.
4. Cartoons.
When I was a kid, Saturday mornings meant cartoons. And not just an hour, but several hours worth. And they were quality. They taught us valuable lessons, took us to worlds beyond our imaginations, and the theme songs were clever and catchy.
5. Scented everything.
Toys, markers, stickers, and more! Everything smelled wonderful. Seriously, was scent technology invented in the 80s or something? Kids nowadays will just never know the joy of sniffing the purple marker, or the pain of being forced to smell the black or brown ones.
6. Lip gloss.
Call me crazy, but lip gloss just hasn't been nearly as good since the 80s. Sure, it has glitter now, which is great, but I haven't felt compelled to eat an entire tub of balm since at least 1991. I'd give my left arm for a classic bottle of strawberry Kissing Potion. To feel the roller ball glide across my lips. Mmm... those really were the days.
7. Snacks.
I'm having a hard time even looking at this photo. I literally want to sit down and eat an entire bag of Pizzarias chips and wash them down with 6 Hi-C Ecto Coolers. Can we please bring these delicious treats back? Who do I have to email about this?
8. Cereal.
I don't even know where to begin on this one. There were just SO many good ones. Sure, they were 98% sugar, but dammit, they were awesome. Not to mention the boxes were always a pleasure to read, and there were toys and prizes in literally every box. Nothing could top the excitement of pouring yourself a bowl, and seeing that plastic bag fall into it. And seeing the looks of pure envy on your siblings' faces was a close second. If we can't have the tasty cereals back, can we at least put some cool shit back in the boxes? I mean damn... give me something here, people.
Have you ever watched a movie with one of those people who feel compelled to critique each and every thing? You know the ones, they'll tell you how impossible that stunt is, or why medically, someone couldn't really survive that kind of an injury, blah blah blah. My hubs likes to comment on all car scenes. "That's not what that motor sounds like." or "Pssh... yeah, that would totally blow up like that for no reason." and so on and so forth. The point is, who cares? I don't. Movies are meant to entertain. They aren't real life. We KNOW this. Yet, we still want to get all salty when something is "unrealistic".
Well not me. I am fully aware that life is not like the movies. BUT... that's not to say that I wouldn't like it if some things WERE like the movies. Here's why:
*Car chases and lots of them. I mean c'mon... who hasn't wanted to be in a sick car chase? Driving backwards on the highway, dodging police cars, jumping shit. Yeah.. I'll take that.
*The good guys always win. In real life, we know this isn't always the case, but in the movies, 98% of the time it is.
*No closing doors, turning off and on lights, etc. Seriously... who pays the utility bills for these folks? Have you EVER seen someone come in and close a door behind them in a movie? Or turn off a light? The lights are just always on. It's like Motel 6 up in there.
*Your hair and make-up are perfect 24-7. Whether you just stepped out of a shower, woke up, made passionate love, had an emotional breakdown, or stood in the middle of a tornado... you look fabulous.
*There's always a soundtrack. Personally, I like to think my life actually has a soundtrack, and it involves a lot of 80s power ballads and anthems, but I'm the only one who can hear it. Wouldn't it be nice if other people could too?
*Sex would never be awkward. No spontaneous leg cramps, no accidental flying elbows, no unintended hair pulling. No "Don't look at my undies, I haven't done laundry in a week, and I didn't know this was going to happen." moments. And every position would be flattering. Not to mention, no mess to clean up, you just roll over and fall right into blissful sleep. Just once, I'd like to see someone grab a towel after.
*Shit is always blowing up. Seriously, does everyone have dynamite, C4, and grenades in their pockets? Walking slowly away from a giant, fiery, mushroom cloud-esque explosion is #38 on my bucket list.
*You never have to use the bathroom. Like ever. Frodo and Sam walked the entire length of Middle Earth, and not once did I hear one of them say "Where's a Quickie Mart, I gotta pee." or "That elf cheese has me tore up. I'll be right back." Nope. Not one time.
*People are more attractive. It's a wonder anyone in the movies can keep their pants on. Every security guard, waitress, and assorted passerby is eye candy. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Break me off a piece of that.
I think you catch my drift. Movies are great, and they certainly entertain, but unless you are watching a documentary, odds are they aren't going to be very realistic. And that's ok... it's good to escape reality from time to time. And on that note... I'm off to the potty, since this isn't a movie, and my bladder is real, and quite full. Happy Friday, y'all.
