I have a lot of single friends. And I often see and hear them complain about how hard it is to be single, especially the females. Then I look around at my single male friends and I'm utterly confused. Without even trying, I can think of at least 8-10 guys that I know right now who are incredible catches.
Good looking, hard working, independent, funny, smart, etc. To be honest, if I was single, I'd date them, and I'd date them hard. So why are they still single? Mostly because women are a pain in the ass. Yeah, yeah... bring on the hate. But it's true, and we all know it. Most females (no, not all) are nearly impossible to please. They say they want certain things in a partner, yet they consistently turn away men with those exact things. Why? Because women want what they can't have. If a guy has a good job, hobbies, and a decent social life, a girl will complain he's "too busy" and "doesn't have enough time for her". So they choose to date some unemployed shlub who lives in his parent's house, and then proceed to complain about what a broke ass bum he is. Yeah. Makes perfect sense. (Insert major eye roll here.)
I hear single women all the time reciting these lists of demands that they expect from a man, and I want to laugh. Are you making this man in a laboratory? If not, you better get a clue. You don't get to hand pick the perfect, flawless individual. Odds are, even if that person did exist, you'd hate them for being too perfect anyway. Finding someone to share your life with isn't about checking off a list of demands. It's about being open to a connection. It's about getting to know someone on a deeper level. If you are constantly looking for Channing Tatum to walk through the door, you are missing out on a plethora of pretty great guys. Yes, attraction IS important, but attraction can be found in many ways. You know that guy at the office, who seems kinda dorky, until you get to know him, then you find yourself suddenly attracted to him? Yeah, that happens. But not if you never bother to get to know someone.
And ladies... knock it off with this "he better treat me like a queen" bullshit. You know who gets treated like a queen? The fucking queen. That's it. The rest of us are responsible for cleaning our own toilets, going to work, and being responsible for ourselves. If a man holds doors for you, treats you to dinner, or buys you gifts.... be grateful. That is not an obligation, that is him being incredibly kind, and you better freaking return the favor.
Women need to stop living in fairytale land. You are not Cinderella, and he is not Prince Charming. If you want a good, healthy, happy relationship that will stand the test of time, start being realistic. Stop putting every decent guy in "the friend zone" as though they aren't good enough to date you. Stop blaming every guy for some loser's bad behavior. Get over it, and move on. He isn't your ex, so he shouldn't be punished for the last guy's mistakes. And if you keep repeatedly dating assholes... maybe the problem is you, drama queen.
Good men are out there. And odds are, you know several. But you've dismissed them because they don't fit some romantic comedy, Disney princess world you think you live in. So if you're sick of being single... then stop being stupid. Open your eyes, and pay attention. That super nice guy who always makes you laugh, listens to you bitch about men, and knows all your favorite things.... maybe he should be more than just your Plan B.
*Disclaimer: Before you insist on telling me how wrong I am... Save yourself the mental anguish. I'm sure you are a perfectly lovely young woman, and the only reason you are single is because A) all men are jerks B) you choose to be C) you are focusing on your career/children/self or D) all of the above.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. For some, this is exciting and you can't wait. For others, it is the worst day of the year. For me, it's just another day...
I've never quite understood all the hype about Valentine's Day. And I worked for Hallmark for over a decade. It's just a day. It is exactly as important or as meaningless as you make it.
Me, I prefer the Valentine's Days of old. When we made mailboxes out of tissue and cereal boxes and passed out funny and silly cards with lollipops attached. Everyone was included and it was just fun. No pressure, no stress, just good times.
Now, I see all my friends in relationships stressing out over the perfect gift or date, and couples fighting about how important it is or isn't. Husbands cramming into stores for last minute flowers and cards, and restaurant lines filled with people who, if they were to be completely honest, would rather be home eating pizza and watching TV. I don't get it. If you love your spouse, you probably tell them that fairly often, right? (If not, maybe you should start.) Is a romantic gesture really that much more special or important because it came on February 14th? If your husband brought you flowers on April 6th, would you be angry? No, you'd probably think he's the best. So why does it matter? If you have a partner who loves, supports, respects and cares for you, why is 1 day out of a year so important? And if that is the ONLY day that your significant other shows you they care, you may want to rethink your relationship.
And don't get me started on my single friends...
People, it is just another day. Why get yourself all worked up and depressed over it? Does being single on February 14th differ that much from being single on February 17th? I mean, let's be honest, it really doesn't. If you didn't own a calender, and had no idea what the day was, would you even care? The answer is no. If you like chocolates and flowers THAT much, go buy yourself some. Or better yet, get together with other single friends and treat each other. We put enough pressure on ourselves every day of the year, is it really necessary to add a cheesy holiday? Being single isn't the best, I understand that. But it's also not the worst. Think of the reasons you are single. Didn't that last guy treat you like crap? So would you honestly rather be back in a bad relationship? If you said yes, you need more therapy than I am equipped to offer...
The point is, Valentines' Day is just a day. It's no different than any other, unless you make it so. So stop giving it so much power over you.
If you are in a good relationship, be grateful for it. 365 days a year, not just one. Surprise your partner with messages of love, or little treats on occasion, don't wait for the world to tell you to do it. I'll take spontaneous acts of love over demanded ones any day of the year.
And if you are single. Treat yourself to a massage, or plan a girls night. Do something to remind yourself that being single isn't a curse, and it isn't permanent. Good things come to those who wait, so be patient, and be good to yourself. Or do what I do, and buy a pack of kids Valentines, and pass them out to your friends. Attach a flower, or a candy bar, and make someone's day.
Just don't let one day out of a year become so important that you overlook the other 364. Happy Valentine's Day, my friends. You are all special, wonderful and beautiful to me.
