Sh*t I Say While Driving

We've all been there. Driving down the road in our cars, minding our own business, maybe singing along to Taylor Swift on the radio, (deny it all you want, we know) not a care in the world. Then some douche bag cuts you off, swerves into your lane, rides the brakes, forgets how to merge, etc, etc, etc. The list is endless. People are morons. But I catch myself saying the same things, time and time again. Like a broken record. Or better yet, a road rage playlist. So here today, for your entertainment, is a list of my 25 most popular hits. If you don't already have your own, feel free to borrow them.

*Warning: May contain offensive language.*

1. Hey, Asshole, pick a speed.
2. Oh silly me, I didn't realize you were the only one on the road.
3. Why isn't it legal to play bumper cars?
4. Seriously... HOW did you get a license?
5. For the love of God, get your foot off the brake!
6. Sorry, dick, was 15 over not fast enough for you?!
7. FOR FUCK'S SAKE, JUST TURN ALREADY!! 
8. Are we in England? Get in your lane, dumbass.
9. Umm... hello, did you NOT see me??
10. Get off your phone and drive, moron.
11. Holy shit! You're an idiot!
12. MERGE ALREADY!!
13. Nice blinker, jackass.
14. If this douche bag doesn't get off my ass...
15. GET OUT OF THE FAST LANE!!
16. Oh, don't mind me, just drive wherever you want.
17. It's a parking lot, not a race track.
18. Hey, Asshole, learn to drive.
19. OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!!
20. Nice parking job, were you having a stroke?
21. Red means stop, asshat.
22. Were you planning on going anytime today?
23. Yeah, you better wave. I didn't have to let you go.
24. I see every idiot is on the road today.
25. DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!