Berry Best Books, List 1: Powerful Reads

It's no secret that I'm a BIG fan of reading, and have been since I learned how, at the age of 4. Books can take you on adventures, make you laugh, make you cry, inspire you, and enlighten you. I often get asked for reading recommendations, and while my answer generally depends on what type of books you like to read, I also think that you should expand your horizons from time to time to include ones that make you stop and think about life. There's no shame in loving 'Twilight' (ok, maybe there's a little shame in it) or 'Harry Potter', but don't limit yourself to only those.
There are so many thought provoking, inspiring, life changing novels out there. Stories that will stay with you long after Bella & Edward have fizzled from your memory. Books that will move you, break your heart, lift you up, and make you see the world just a little bit differently.

Here is a list of 25 of my favorite Powerful Reads.
(In no particular order.) If you don't see your favorite on the list, please comment and let me know, maybe I haven't read it yet, but I am always looking for suggestions. And even if you only pick one or two of these, please add some to your reading lists, I promise you won't regret it.

1. The Celestine Prophecy by: James Redfield
2. The Rose That Grew From Concrete by: Tupac Shakur
3. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by: Lewis Carroll
4. Through The Looking-Glass by: Lewis Carroll
5. Siddhartha by: Herman Hesse
6. Where The Heart Is by: Billie Letts
7. Where The Red Fern Grows by: Wilson Rawls
8. Bridge To Terabithia by: Katherine Paterson
9. The Lovely Bones by: Alice Sebold
10. The Kite Runner by: Khaled Hosseini
11. A Thousand Splendid Suns by: Khaled Hosseini
12. For One More Day by: Mitch Albom
13. The Time Keeper by: Mitch Albom
14. Tuesdays With Morrie by: Mitch Albom
15. The Five People You Meet In Heaven by: Mitch Albom
16. The Giver by: Lois Lowry
17. Nineteen Minutes by: Jodi Picoult
18. The Jungle by: Upton Sinclair
19. My Brother Sam Is Dead by: James Lincoln Collier & Christopher Collier
20. The Outsiders by: S.E. Hinton
21. The Collected Tales and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe
22. Of Mice And Men by: John Steinbeck
23. Charlotte's Web by: E.B. White
24. The Secret Life of Bees by: Sue Monk Kidd
25. To Kill a Mockingbird by: Harper Lee

Folk Art Inspired Children's Rocking Chair

I love children's furniture. I think it is so fun to design and decorate. One of my favorite things to make for baby shower gifts is child sized rocking chairs. I had one as a kid, and loved it. I still have it, and while I no longer fit in it, it still makes me smile, and it makes a great heirloom piece.
Since I am not a wood worker, or furniture maker, I have to purchase a ready made chair. After plenty of sanding, nail hole filling, etc. it is ready to paint and decorate. Generally I customize the chair to match the nursery theme, but this time I opted for something a little different. I have always loved the look of folk art, and children's furniture is perfect for that genre of design. The simplicity of the lines/styling of the chair made it great for this. I started with a base color, and I chose a pale yellow for gender neutral purposes. And because I think it is a gorgeous color, and very happy, which I think all things for children and babies should be. After several coats of paint (and more sanding) it was ready to be decorated. I had recently seen an art exhibit where people used yarn to cover entire pieces of furniture, and the look was very interesting and beautiful. And since I love yarn, but am not a needle crafter, this seemed like a great way to be able to work with some. Rather than cover the entire chair, I opted to pick only a few areas to cover instead.

 

This is the completed chair. After wrapping the selected areas with the yarn, I added some fun polka dots to the seat area for whimsy and viola! Simple, yet unique. The colors are happy, and would work for boys and girls, so it could ideally be passed down from one generation to the next. I also made a small pillow to match, so it makes a perfectly comfortable reading spot for a young child.

 

 

Just look how happy George looks.

I think every child should have their own special chair, sized just for them. In a world where everything is so big, and out of reach, this is a little spot where they can feel right at home.

For more information or to inquire about ordering your own chair, email me at berryfavoritethings@gmail.com

or contact me via my facebook page Berry Favorite Things where you can see all my current and past projects, and get great tips and informative information.

 

Custom Wedding Order

Recently I was asked to make a few things for a spring wedding. There was a subtle Beauty and The Beast/Princess theme, but mostly it was bright, happy colors (pink, orange and yellow) making the statement.
This was a lot of fun, and provided me the opportunity to create some items I've never done before.

First I made these ombre candle holders in pink and orange, with plenty of iridescent glitter. These were for the centerpieces, and looked very pretty all lit up.

I also decorated this plain white mailbox to be used as the card holder. I kept the design simple, so the bride could remove it if she wanted. (The wedding date was 4-12, which better explains the address.)

These lovely bouquets were for the 2 bridesmaids. One was dressed in orange, the other in pink.

This beautiful arrangement was the bride's bouquet. The simple tiara in the center added to the theme, and reminder her that even if just for the day... she was a princess.

The mother of the bride didn't want a regular corsage, she wanted it to be pinned on in lieu of the wrist style, and also wanted something she could keep forever. I opted to create more of a floral brooch design, which gave me more room to be creative. Another simple way to work in the princess theme was by adding the "Follow Your Heart" detail, which also seemed fitting for the mother of the bride.

Big congratulations to the Bride and Groom (Elizabeth & Brian)!

May it always be Happily Ever After...

For more information or to order your own custom wedding or party accessories, email me at
berryfavoritethings@gmail.com
And to see all of my current and past projects, and for great information, helpful tips and more, be sure to check out my facebook page Berry Favorite Things

Emotional Hangovers

Well... we survived our second Easter without Zach. It's still so hard to believe that it's been almost two years without him. Sometimes it feels like it's been forever, and yet other times, I feel as if it's been merely moments. The wound is just as fresh, I'm just better at keeping it covered up.
But holidays are hard. Oh... so... hard...
The mask that I wear to get through regular days just isn't strong enough to survive special days. So I work extra hard to keep from showing my anguish. I put on my best smile, distract myself as best I can, and push through. But it's far from easy. Holidays are for family. Spend a few minutes on social media, and you'll see family photo after family photo. Happy, smiling faces. Parents and grandparents with their children and grandchildren. Mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, all together, celebrating and making memories.
We won't make any new memories with our son. We wont ever hold grandchildren, and hide candy filled eggs for them. We'll never again shop for baskets and chocolate bunnies, and shake our heads as we clean up plastic grass and candy wrappers from the carpet.
We'll grow old, and we'll watch all the families around us grow and change, but ours never will. There will never be a new addition to our family photos.
Holidays are just extreme reminders of what we've lost. They take the daily struggle, and amp it up. And it's exhausting....
I'm emotionally drained today. I woke up more tired than I fell asleep. The lingering effects of holidays & special events are like emotional hangovers. I feel sick, achy, and utterly spent. My emotions are so strung out, I am basically a zombie. People don't realize how much work it is to just be normal sometimes. To laugh and smile when you really want to scream and cry. To do regular, everyday activities when you'd rather crawl into a hole and do nothing. To pretend you are fine, when you are anything but.
I'm glad Easter is over. But there is another holiday or special event just around the corner. There will always be days that are more difficult and more painful than others. And those days will certainly be followed by emotional hangovers. There is no cure, no special elixir that makes it more bearable. This is just another part of life for grieving parents. Another part of this "new normal" that is our path now...

Teena Time (If I Had My Own TV Show)

I'm not a big fan of television. There are some shows I enjoy, but as a whole, I mostly find TV to be stupid. Myself, on the other hand, I find to be ridiculously entertaining. The only logical conclusion is that I should have my own show. I know, I know... you were all thinking it, right?
But let's just say I had my own show. What would it be about? Well... I've spent some time thinking about this, and I've decided that my show would be a combination of randomness. Here is what I would do:

*I would do interviews with real people, who have real stories to share. Everyone has a story, whether they realize it or not. Experiences that are unique to them, adventures, joys, tragedies, and triumphs.
*I would have only the coolest celebrities on, and we would do funny skits, make crafts, and play with toys.
*I would do Themed Thursdays, and everyone would have to dress up in costumes for whatever theme I should choose. And all the segments for that day would also fit into that theme.
*Hank the Gnome would be my co-host/sidekick. His comedic timing is impeccable after all.
*I would do Red Carpet interviews at all the awards shows, but not with the celebrities. I would only speak to the stars assistants, and entourages. I bet you'd get some hilarious stories.
*I would do celebrity Makeover Mondays, and recreate the best looks from various eras. Jennifer Lawrence goes super 80s! I mean c'mon!
*We would randomly break out into song and dance, for no reason at all, because life clearly needs more of that.
*I would do Tribute Tuesdays, and honor someone who has passed on, by doing something with, or for their loved ones, that they had wanted to do.
*I would shamelessly plug books of all kinds, and read excerpts from them to entice people into reading more.
*I would discuss real life issues, topics, and concerns. Not just trends and bullshit.

These are just some of the things I would do if I had my own show. It would be as random and ridiculous as I am. We'd laugh and cry together, it would be serious AND silly, and you'd all love it. But sadly... It will probably never happen. And you'll all be stuck watching terrible television forever. Guess it's a good thing I have this blog for you to read, huh?

God Free Grief

Since losing my son, it's come to my attention that nearly all Grief support groups, books, and even cards/gifts/etc. seem to be religious based. Trite religious niceties are also extremely popular at times of Grief. From the very innocent "I'm praying for you." to the more common, and in my case very much unappreciated, "God has a reason." responses, grievers are bombarded by religion. But what if you aren't religious? What if the idea of a God gives you no comfort? Then what?
I have no issues with religion. Whatever gives you peace of mind is fine by me. But in my case, religion does not do that for me. I don't consider myself an Atheist. I'm just not any religion either. I find no solace in the idea that God has some secret plan for me that required my innocent child to be taken. In fact, I'd feel pretty pissed off if I did believe.
The idea of Heaven, while it holds some appeal, is not that great to me either. For starters, depending on who you ask, most of us are not getting in. So that only makes me more upset, wondering if my son did, or if I will ever join him there. And where IS there? All I know is, it's too damn far away.
My belief is this:
Humans are made of energy. We know this. It is fact. We also know that energy cannot be destroyed. We've tried. It can be changed, but not destroyed. I believe that when a person dies, their energy changes. It is no longer contained in their bodies, but is instead distributed into the world. Their spirit/soul/energy never leaves, but remains with us always. This explains why we often feel them, hear them, smell them, and maybe even see them at times. THIS gives me comfort. The knowledge that my child is not in some far distant land, but instead is right beside me... THAT eases my heart and mind more than any Biblical passage, or Faith ever could.
Grief is an emotion. It isn't an illness that can be cured with a injection of religion. For those that reach for God in times of hardship and struggle, and feel eased... that's wonderful. But it is not a surefire fix for everyone. And shouldn't there be support for everyone during such difficult and painful times?
I've found many online support venues, and they all want to point me in the direction of religion. They say things like "We all question our Faith at times." as though I'm simply in a disagreement with God.
I don't feel heard, or supported. I feel judged, and isolated. I refuse to pretend to be something or someone I'm not, just to try and be understood and comforted. So I carry on, as I have for the last 20 months, with my God free Grief. Maybe someday others like myself will come forward, and we can help each other. Maybe someday Grief and God will not always be tied to one another. And if anyone knows of any articles, books, groups, etc. that might be helpful to me, I'd appreciate it.

 

In Need of Some Nature

I grew up outdoors. As a kid, I spent the vast majority of my time playing outside with my siblings and friends. And even when I was reading (which I did A LOT) I did much of that outside as well. Nature is where I feel the best. The smell of the air on a warm Spring day, the feel of the sun on my skin, the sound of a crackling fire on a crisp fall night... Those are things that can't be replaced with any gadget.
If I had to pick my favorite spot, it would be somewhere in nature. You won't find any amusement/theme parks or fancy hotels on my bucket list, but it is overflowing with natural wonders. I want to go to Vegas, but not to gamble. I want to hike in Red Rock Canyon. I want to camp in Yellowstone, see the peak of Mount McKinley on a clear summer day in Alaska, drive Route 66, and stop at all the most scenic places along the way.

The magic and beauty of nature is endless, and ever changing. You can see the same view a thousand times, and find something new each time.
Lately, I've been finding myself yearning more and more for the vast landscape of the outdoors. For the quiet serenity, and the healing strength of the earth. I need to absorb the calmness, and reconnect with that side of myself. I want to pitch a tent, stare up at the stars, and be lulled to sleep by the sounds of crickets, frogs, and something wild in the distance. I want to build a fire, cook my meals over it, and warm my skin in its glow. I want to hike into the forest, with no destination in mind, and lose myself in the wilderness around me. I want to kayak the river, stop for lunch, and play in the cool water. I want to sit quietly and just observe the world around me. No computer, no phone, no TV.

For the last 20 months, I've been functioning on autopilot. Get up, get dressed, make it through the day, go to bed, and repeat. My internal clock is broken, and without a calendar, I couldn't even tell you what day it is most of the time. One 24 hour period just flows into the next, with very little distinction. I get up because my alarm tells me to, and I go to bed not because I'm tired, but because the clock says it's time. Sleep is very hard to come by, and what little I get is broken up by vivid nightmares.
They say that nature has healing powers, and I very strongly believe that to be true. Which means I am long overdue for some...

My Life, My Choices

Oftentimes in life, people will question your behaviors, your decisions, and your motives. They will give you unsolicited advice, and tell you what they would do. And yet others will tell you what YOU SHOULD do. And those people will often do so without knowing all the facts. They will hear one side of a story, and assume they know everything they need to know. For those people, I have one thing to say...
This is MY life, and these are MY choices. That's it. Period. End of subject.
Don't tell me that I will regret something, just because you would. I am not you.
Don't tell me that I need to forgive and forget, because I don't buy into that theory. Forgiveness is a choice, not a requirement, and I NEVER forget.
Don't tell me that I will sleep better if I just do this one thing. I sleep just fine.
Don't tell me that I've made the wrong decision, when you don't even know the reasons behind it.
Don't assume that my decisions were made in anger, or youthful ignorance. I am not angry, and I am far from young and dumb.
Don't judge me based on the opinions of others. Make your own decisions based on my actions towards you.
Don't tell me that blood is thicker than water, because I can tell you without hesitation that that is not always the case.
And don't EVER tell me that life is too short. Trust me... I know that better than most.
Whatever you may think of me, there is one thing that holds true, and even my enemies know this: I am always honest. Brutally, and to a fault. I never pretend to be someone I am not. What you see is what you get. Love it or hate it.
So if you wish to tell me how to live my life, you should know that I will not hesitate to tell you exactly how I feel about that. And you should also know that if you wish to point out the flaws in my life, I am just as happy to return the favor.
I am not perfect, nor do I ever claim to be. But I am fully capable of making my own choices, and I do not ask for permission or approval from anyone.
Sometimes in life, we have to make decisions that aren't easy. And many times, the rest of the world will not understand those choices. And that's ok. The rest of the world does not have to live my life. But I do. So I have to do what is best for me. Not what is best for anyone else. If you cannot accept that, than you cannot accept me, and I will not continue to allow room in my life for people who cannot accept me for who I am. I will not be made to feel guilty or ashamed, and if you truly believe I am an awful person, then I strongly suggest you remove me from your life as well.
Think long and hard about the "truths" of others, and judge not what you do not know. And for those out there who want to spew hate and lies; you should be careful what you say... because Karma can be a real bitch. And so can I...

The Grief Effect

Tomorrow will be 20 months since we lost our son. While I'm sure that seems like a long time to some, when it comes to child loss, that is barely the blink of an eye. In many ways, I think I am just now starting to come out of the fog. I think back over the past 20 months, and so much of that time is hazy and vague to me. Much of it I can't recall at all. And while the pain still feels just as fresh, I have learned to deal with it better, and for the most part, I can keep it hidden from the world.
That's the part of child loss that I think most people don't understand. 95% of it is unseen. If grieving parents walked around showing the world the emotions they were truly feeling all the time, we would be locked away in a psych ward in a second. The emotional turmoil is constant, and ever changing. One minute you could be remembering your child with joy and laughter, the next you could be cursing the Heavens. Anything can trigger a strong reaction, and while you may be able to stifle some of them, others will bring you to your knees.
Anger is a big one for me. I have to really struggle sometimes not to scream at people for what would seem like nothing. A careless remark or a casual complaint can catch me off guard and send me into a fit of rage. Many times I have to walk away until I can calm down, or remove myself from the situation, in order to avoid acting on these feelings. I have to carefully consider invitations and social gatherings now, before I accept. I have to be sure that I always have an escape route in case I start feeling overwhelmed. Things I used to love have now become situations ripe with triggers, and I find myself dreading events that once brought me so much joy. People who I once found merely tedious are now nearly intolerable, and people who I once adored have now become strangers. There is not one aspect of my life that hasn't been effected by my Grief. My past, my present, and my future have been permanently altered. I once dreamed of a day when I would see my son find true love, and dance with him at his wedding. Of a day when I would hold in my arms a grandchild with his/her daddy's mischievous eyes. Now I will never know what it feels like to do those things. I will never see my son celebrate his 21st, 30th, or 50th birthdays. I will never hold my husband's hand and watch with pride as our son teaches his son to ride a bike, or dance with his daughter.
Parents who lose a child are not just grieving for what we lost, but also for what we never had a chance to gain. Each day, as we see our friends and loved ones with their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, we are reminded again and again of what will never be for us. Each birthday party, wedding, anniversary, and birth, are milestones that were taken from us, and taken from our child.
The raw pain and unfairness of it all is something we live with every moment of our lives. It doesn't heal. It doesn't form a scar. It is a continuously reopened wound. Even moments of happiness are really just bittersweet moments. Joys that we wish more than anything that we could share with our child.
This is the unseen reality of child loss. This is the ugly truth that lives within each grieving parent. This is the Grief Effect, and this is my life now...