So I've decided to compile a list of things that I just do not understand. Maybe y'all can help me to sort out the whats and whys of these 10 mysteries of the universe.
1. Photos of your coffee. I mean... why? We get it, you drink coffee. But do you really think that YOUR cup looks better or more appealing than the next guys? Unless the barista drew a penis on your Styrofoam cup, or your latte foam resembles Jesus.... we don't care.
2. Dog clothes. Here's the thing, your dog is covered with this amazing thing called fur. It keeps them warm. That means, that little Fluffy really doesn't need a sweater, boots, and hat. And while I'm on the subject, unless your dog or cat is missing legs, it CAN walk on its own. Save your purses for your handguns, wallets and lipstick, and strollers are for babies. Human babies. Got it? Good.
3. Crocs. I just... I can't... No. Just no. You can make all the "good reasons" excuses you want, but the fact is, Crocs are the STD of the shoe world. So stop it. And don't just throw them away, either. Burn them, and bury the ashes on sacred ground, just in case. Better safe than Croc-ed.
4. Shared social media. Why? Are you a child? Do you need to be monitored? You know the accounts are free, right? And you can tell me that it has nothing to do with a lack of trust until you're blue in the face, and I simply won't believe you. Also... it's annoying as hell for your friends. Who are we talking to? Who's posting? We don't know! Why? BECAUSE YOU SHARE AN ACCOUNT! So if you insist on sharing, could you, at the very least, be courteous enough to end each post/comment with a "Sincerely yours, (name here)" or something?
5. Off road vehicles that have never been off road. Oh, so you own a jacked up Jeep, with giant tires and a winch? Cool, where do you rock climb? Yeah, that's right, YOU DON'T! The closest thing to off road your vehicle has ever seen is the gravel in your driveway. *eye roll*
6. The selfie over doer. You know who you are. You are probably duck faced and bent over with your finger on the camera button as I type this. But why? Do you really think you look THAT much different/better than you did 35 seconds ago? Enough is enough. Stop it already, your stench of desperation is clogging my nostrils. And for God's sake, clean your room. Because we CAN see your disgusting mess of a bedroom/bathroom behind you.
7. Touchy subject pushers. I don't care what religion or politics you practice. I don't care what your thoughts on abortion, breast feeding, GMOs, gay rights, etc. are. If you feel compelled to post about it a thousand times a day.... I hate you. If it's something you feel very strongly about, and want to make the occasional post, fine. But do you really think that your rants are going to change someone's mind? You are just looking for an excuse to stir the shit pot, so knock it off. Oh, and do your research before you hit the share button, please. Not everything you see on the interwebs is true.
8. Smokers. I truly don't understand this. We KNOW the dangers of smoking. We can no longer pretend to be ignorant of this. Even second hand smoke is incredibly dangerous, so why, WHY are people still intentionally harming themselves? Not to mention the cost. If you quit smoking, imagine all the much more enjoyable things you could do with the money you saved. Like hookers and booze. Seriously... please just quit.
9. Reality TV. The Bachelor/Bachelorette, Honey Boo Boo, Real Housewives, etc. Whose reality is this? Do you truly think this stuff isn't scripted? Is there NOTHING better we can put on television? I just don't get it... I'd rather watch grass grow or paint dry.
10. This thing.
WTF is that? Are we repurposing hair scrunchies from the 90s into men's swimwear? Does the strap rotate side to side for when your nuggets need to be rearranged? Can you even wear this if you HAVE nuggets? What is holding this thing on? What if the water is cold, and you get shrinkage? Will it fall off? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!! The biggest one being.... Why?
*Disclaimer: These are just things that I personally do not understand. While I may very well BE judging you for some of them, that is not the intention of this post, so go drink your Haterade somewhere else.
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