Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Messages of Love

Ever since I lost the first person I cared about, I've wondered what happens to them after their passing. But after losing my son, this curiosity has become more of an obsession. I'm just not sure what to believe...
I myself am not religious. I was raised in the church, but I just never bought into the whole God thing. It just didn't click with me. I believe in the concept of being good to one another and trying to be the best person you can, and many of the facets of religion as a whole, but not so much the part about a giant, all knowing, all seeing, yet completely uninvolved entity in the sky. But that is a subject for another day, so back to the subject at hand. 
What happens to us after death? It is a question that has haunted (no pun intended) people for eons. I have talked to many people about this, and have heard everything from "Nothing." to every version of Heaven you can fathom. I really don't want to believe nothing happens. And I find that difficult to believe anyway. It is a fact that we are made of energy. It is also a fact that energy cannot be destroyed. It can however be changed. This leads me to what I have come to believe. 
I think that when a person passes away, their physical body dies. But the energy that they possessed must go somewhere. Since I very strongly feel that ghosts & spirits are real, having witnessed this myself, the idea that a person's energy (or soul) carries on is feasible to me. 
I think we are surrounded by the energies/souls of those that have gone. I believe that just like every person in life was different, so are their souls in death. Some are more energetic, some are quieter, some are angry, some are happy, etc. So their energy manifests itself in different ways. 
I FEEL my son with me. Not in a physical manner, but in an energy that surrounds me. Sometimes it is stronger than others, but it is there. I can't explain it, and if you've never experienced it, you'll probably think I'm crazy. But if you HAVE felt the "presence" of a passed loved one around you, then you know what I'm talking about. 
Since Zachary's passing, myself and others have had signs & messages that we have no doubt are from him. Are we just yearning so badly for proof that he's not gone, that we are reading too much into things? I suppose that's possible. But isn't it also possible that we really are receiving some kind of clue that he is still here? I understand that there are coincidences in life. But when do repeated coincidences become something more? When do we stop making excuses and just accept that some things we just can't explain? Maybe you have to lose someone close to you. Maybe you just have to have faith. Whatever the case, I have chose to accept that my son is still here. That although his physical body is gone, his energy and his soul are not. 
For those of you that have struggled with Grief, and especially the loss of a child, you know the hopelessness and pain that it brings. The sadness and agony that are always just below the surface. If you've ever received a sign or a message from that loved one, you also know the unadulterated joy it gives you. Though it may only be temporary, it is a reprieve from the pain nonetheless. And isn't that the point? They want us to be happy. To carry on. Not to forget THEM, but to try and forget the sorrow. So they are reminding us that they are not truly gone, they have just changed forms. 
Maybe this sounds crazy to you, and that's fine. Sometimes it sounds crazy to me, too. But I am choosing to believe. I am choosing my son over nothingness. So if that makes me crazy, so be it. I can't say I have felt 100% sane these past 5 months anyway. 
So to those who think that their loved ones are sending them messages or signs. Whether they are feathers, butterflies, dreams, music or something else. Embrace them. Allow them to fill your heart and bring you some much needed peace. Even if only for a little while. Where's the harm in that?

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