Grief: Six Months

Today is six months. Six months ago we said goodbye to you. Six months ago we watched as you took your final breath. Six months ago the light in our world went out. Six. Long. Months. It feels like forever, yet at the same time, it feels like just moments. In many ways, time has stood still since you left. I'm standing still. I'm standing at a cross roads, and I'm not sure where to go. I still relive that night over and over in my mind. I see your face as you are lying in that hospital bed, and the pain hits me like a punch each and every time. Each morning is a reminder that you are gone. I know time has passed, because I can mark the days that you have missed. Holidays, birthdays, etc. But looking back on the last 6 months, it is simply a film reel of moments and memories. Some good, some bad, but all of them missing one thing. You. 
Half a year. In the next 6 months, we will have to survive all the rest of the days and dates that are important, that you should be a part of. Mother's Day, Father's Day, special birthdays, spring, summer and more. They will pass by just like the others, I'm sure. In a fog. Not fun, not special, not meaningful. Just another 24 hours without you in it. 
I think about what you would be doing. Would you be enjoying college life? Would there be a special girl you couldn't wait to tell us about? Would you be planning another Spring Break trip with your friends? Whatever you were doing, I know you would've been doing it with a big smile and a positive attitude. 
I know you are watching over us all. We've all felt your presence and your signs and messages are coming through loud and clear. Thank you for them. 
Thank you for being the best son any parent could hope for. Thank you for seeing the best in everyone you knew, and the world around you. Thank you for all the smiles and laughter. Thank you for teaching me that family isn't about whose blood you carry, but who carries you in their heart. Thank you for showing me that life isn't measured in years, but in memories that last a lifetime. Thank you for bringing light and love into the world. Thank you for giving me the chance to be a mom. To be your mom. Which was the best job in the world. Thank you for being my angel. For giving me the strength to survive these past 6 months, and the hope that I can survive the next 6, and the 6 after that. I love you more than anything, and I miss you so much it hurts. But because of what you taught me, and continue to teach me, for the first time in 6 months, I honestly believe that we can get through this. It won't be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. And I can think of nothing more worthwhile than keeping your spirit and memory alive...