Thursday, February 6, 2014

Ugh.... Winter

Winter. A magical, beautiful time of year. The world is blanketed in white, and shimmers in the rays of the sun. The gently falling snow is like being inside an elegant snowglobe, shaken by the hand of God....

SAID NO ONE EVER!!!!!!

If you live in a place that has winter for more than a week, you get over the beauty pretty quickly. After about the bajillionth time shoveling your driveway, the magic disappears. When you are outside in negative temps, scraping off your car for the second or third time in a day, you start cursing the Heavens.
Winter sucks. Period. Even if you are a self proclaimed winter lover, there comes a point when even you start plotting Jack Frost's gruesome end.
Winter is exhausting. Just going to work can be a chore. From getting up early to shovel a path just to clean off and start your car, to the often treacherous road conditions, to the layering and unlayering of your attire.
The layering is a big issue for me, mostly because I find clothing annoying. Pants are a real pain, so I prefer the summer, when I can rock my sundresses and skirts, and my thighs can be free from their denim straightjacket. And I hate shoes. My little piggies like to roam wild and free, and feel the grass between them. And socks are obviously a tool of the devil, meant to keep my feet trapped in cotton hell.
Ugh... ANYWHO....
Winter. That evil, vile, repulsive, unrelenting time of year. Grey, bleak, barren, and frigid. It drags on for eons, and puts even the most chipper among us into a funk. The winter blues. It's a real thing, Google it. Obviously, I have, so I am qualified to self diagnose. The winter blues strike me sometime shortly after the first snowfall. When I know that the last Indian summer day is long gone, and nothing but misery lies in the months ahead. I start dreaming of sandy beaches, fruity cocktails, and bare skin warmed by the sun. I just want to hibernate until Spring. I get cranky, short tempered, and whiny. I hate being cold. Once I get a chill, nothing short of setting me on fire eliminates it. Normal activities become tedious. A quick trip to the grocery store becomes a dreaded Arctic trek, and holds as much appeal as an acid bath. So you stayed cooped up in the relative comfort of your home as much as possible. This puts a strain on your relationships, and you start to forget what your loved ones look like. So you make sock puppets with photos of their faces, and pretend to have parties. OK, so maybe you don't actually do that, but winter makes you so crazy, that anything is possible.
The point is.... Winter sucks. It's a hassle, it's costly, it's depressing, and it lasts freaking FOREVER. And while you *might* wish for a white Christmas, by Valentine's Day, you are seeing red, and not from all the shiny hearts.
This year has been record breaking for low temps, snowfall, and overall shittyness, and I'm certain I'm not the only one who is totally and completely over it.
So winter, take a hike. You are no longer wanted here. This is me, officially breaking up with you. I'm ready to see someone else... Her name is Spring, and she's beautiful.

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